Does this warrant an appointment with a counselor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is exactly like my older child, except more nuanced. He completely agrees with my older child and thinks she sees things more clearly than anyone else. I am completely outnumbered and I get out-argued every time. DH very much enjoys dark themes and exposes our kids to them at what I think is way too young of an age. If I put my foot down, he does it secretly or behind my back, which then forms a stronger bond between him and the kids. Or we end up in a huge argument, where he calls me WAY overprotective and controlling, but we will never see eye to eye on this.

What a mess. Why the hell would you be with and procreate with this goon? I have never understood people who confuse cruelty with intelligence, or brutality with honesty.

Get help for her, and discipline her as the grown, rational, capable adult you are, and when she acts an absolute unfiltered a-hole to her baby cousins, make clear to your younger ones that DD is behaving unkindly and where they model her, they’ll face restriction, too. Your DH doesn’t have to be on board with this. It’ll be hard, but every excuse you make simultaneously states “I’m raising a troubled d-ck and don’t give a damn about it.”

I never said she acts unkindly to her younger cousins. Not the case at all. She ignores them, and has zero interest in them. There's a difference - she is never an "unfiltered a-hole" to them. When they harass her, she is never mean, cruel, or dismissive. She answers their questions, and then quietly excuses herself to go read a book somewhere else. She just wants to be left alone.

OP your daughter is *fine.* She’s old enough to get some lectures to you about the likely consequences of saying shocking things in public. I have that conversation all the time with my DS. There is no therapy to make girls like babies and if there was, it would likely be tremendously abusive.

As for your DH and exposure to media you can try putting your foot down or at least compromising on it. But 5 Nights at Freddys or whatever is not going to turn your child into a psychopath.

The root of this concern of yours truly seems to be that your daughter does not conform to the stereotype of a young girl. Please try to let that go, and pay more attention to actual challenges she may need support with, and nurturing the talents she has. (And all kids have challenges of one sort or another.)

I don't think I'm responding to my own stereotypes. I have no real issues with her disliking babies/toddlers, even though I may try to (unsuccessfully) shift her attitudes by saying things like she was also a baby/toddler that I absolutely adored. Or try to cultivate some kind of relationship with her younger cousins by describing how much they look up to her and arrange times for them to spend time together, which ultimately seems to backfire. It did concern me when she made the comment about leaving the baby on the side of the road, because that's on a different level.

No this child is clearly not fine. It's ok to not like little kids. But what normal 11 year old says they would leave a baby to die. This child is disturbed.

Empathy isn’t a thing you know? (/s) Totally unimportant and meaningless, no point in trying to reinforce it let alone teach it, parenting is haaaard.

Yes, you clearly have SO much empathy. And what you’re talking about is not actually empathy (which is an internal feeling that is not always apparent) but a statement the child made that you find shocking. So really this is about conformity and not empathy.

Eh, get over yourself. None of this is about conformity, I’m not shocked, there’s nothing unusual or nonconformist in tweens, teens, adults, getting pleasure out of trying to upset others through try-hard extremism in what they say; the world is full of dull solipsists. (The revamping of The Babysitters Club series isn’t a tool of The Man Inc. to oppress all of the not like other girls.) You have literally no understanding of empathy, nor, I’m guessing, about much of anything. This is a parenting issue where DH has communicated effectively that mom’s perspective is stupid and weak and taking into any consideration much younger kids and what they understand is pathetic and somehow conformist, instead of -actually- living and letting live. You be you, I’ll lace up my gender-neutral Converse and wish you well.

this word salad truly convinced me of your superior parenting.

Your comprehension problems are your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is exactly like my older child, except more nuanced. He completely agrees with my older child and thinks she sees things more clearly than anyone else. I am completely outnumbered and I get out-argued every time. DH very much enjoys dark themes and exposes our kids to them at what I think is way too young of an age. If I put my foot down, he does it secretly or behind my back, which then forms a stronger bond between him and the kids. Or we end up in a huge argument, where he calls me WAY overprotective and controlling, but we will never see eye to eye on this.

What a mess. Why the hell would you be with and procreate with this goon? I have never understood people who confuse cruelty with intelligence, or brutality with honesty.

Get help for her, and discipline her as the grown, rational, capable adult you are, and when she acts an absolute unfiltered a-hole to her baby cousins, make clear to your younger ones that DD is behaving unkindly and where they model her, they’ll face restriction, too. Your DH doesn’t have to be on board with this. It’ll be hard, but every excuse you make simultaneously states “I’m raising a troubled d-ck and don’t give a damn about it.”

I never said she acts unkindly to her younger cousins. Not the case at all. She ignores them, and has zero interest in them. There's a difference - she is never an "unfiltered a-hole" to them. When they harass her, she is never mean, cruel, or dismissive. She answers their questions, and then quietly excuses herself to go read a book somewhere else. She just wants to be left alone.

OP your daughter is *fine.* She’s old enough to get some lectures to you about the likely consequences of saying shocking things in public. I have that conversation all the time with my DS. There is no therapy to make girls like babies and if there was, it would likely be tremendously abusive.

As for your DH and exposure to media you can try putting your foot down or at least compromising on it. But 5 Nights at Freddys or whatever is not going to turn your child into a psychopath.

The root of this concern of yours truly seems to be that your daughter does not conform to the stereotype of a young girl. Please try to let that go, and pay more attention to actual challenges she may need support with, and nurturing the talents she has. (And all kids have challenges of one sort or another.)

I don't think I'm responding to my own stereotypes. I have no real issues with her disliking babies/toddlers, even though I may try to (unsuccessfully) shift her attitudes by saying things like she was also a baby/toddler that I absolutely adored. Or try to cultivate some kind of relationship with her younger cousins by describing how much they look up to her and arrange times for them to spend time together, which ultimately seems to backfire. It did concern me when she made the comment about leaving the baby on the side of the road, because that's on a different level.

No this child is clearly not fine. It's ok to not like little kids. But what normal 11 year old says they would leave a baby to die. This child is disturbed.

Empathy isn’t a thing you know? (/s) Totally unimportant and meaningless, no point in trying to reinforce it let alone teach it, parenting is haaaard.

Yes, you clearly have SO much empathy. And what you’re talking about is not actually empathy (which is an internal feeling that is not always apparent) but a statement the child made that you find shocking. So really this is about conformity and not empathy.

Eh, get over yourself. None of this is about conformity, I’m not shocked, there’s nothing unusual or nonconformist in tweens, teens, adults, getting pleasure out of trying to upset others through try-hard extremism in what they say; the world is full of dull solipsists. (The revamping of The Babysitters Club series isn’t a tool of The Man Inc. to oppress all of the not like other girls.) You have literally no understanding of empathy, nor, I’m guessing, about much of anything. This is a parenting issue where DH has communicated effectively that mom’s perspective is stupid and weak and taking into any consideration much younger kids and what they understand is pathetic and somehow conformist, instead of -actually- living and letting live. You be you, I’ll lace up my gender-neutral Converse and wish you well.

this word salad truly convinced me of your superior parenting.

Lolz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is exactly like my older child, except more nuanced. He completely agrees with my older child and thinks she sees things more clearly than anyone else. I am completely outnumbered and I get out-argued every time. DH very much enjoys dark themes and exposes our kids to them at what I think is way too young of an age. If I put my foot down, he does it secretly or behind my back, which then forms a stronger bond between him and the kids. Or we end up in a huge argument, where he calls me WAY overprotective and controlling, but we will never see eye to eye on this.

What a mess. Why the hell would you be with and procreate with this goon? I have never understood people who confuse cruelty with intelligence, or brutality with honesty.

Get help for her, and discipline her as the grown, rational, capable adult you are, and when she acts an absolute unfiltered a-hole to her baby cousins, make clear to your younger ones that DD is behaving unkindly and where they model her, they’ll face restriction, too. Your DH doesn’t have to be on board with this. It’ll be hard, but every excuse you make simultaneously states “I’m raising a troubled d-ck and don’t give a damn about it.”

I never said she acts unkindly to her younger cousins. Not the case at all. She ignores them, and has zero interest in them. There's a difference - she is never an "unfiltered a-hole" to them. When they harass her, she is never mean, cruel, or dismissive. She answers their questions, and then quietly excuses herself to go read a book somewhere else. She just wants to be left alone.

OP your daughter is *fine.* She’s old enough to get some lectures to you about the likely consequences of saying shocking things in public. I have that conversation all the time with my DS. There is no therapy to make girls like babies and if there was, it would likely be tremendously abusive.

As for your DH and exposure to media you can try putting your foot down or at least compromising on it. But 5 Nights at Freddys or whatever is not going to turn your child into a psychopath.

The root of this concern of yours truly seems to be that your daughter does not conform to the stereotype of a young girl. Please try to let that go, and pay more attention to actual challenges she may need support with, and nurturing the talents she has. (And all kids have challenges of one sort or another.)

I don't think I'm responding to my own stereotypes. I have no real issues with her disliking babies/toddlers, even though I may try to (unsuccessfully) shift her attitudes by saying things like she was also a baby/toddler that I absolutely adored. Or try to cultivate some kind of relationship with her younger cousins by describing how much they look up to her and arrange times for them to spend time together, which ultimately seems to backfire. It did concern me when she made the comment about leaving the baby on the side of the road, because that's on a different level.

No this child is clearly not fine. It's ok to not like little kids. But what normal 11 year old says they would leave a baby to die. This child is disturbed.

Empathy isn’t a thing you know? (/s) Totally unimportant and meaningless, no point in trying to reinforce it let alone teach it, parenting is haaaard.

Yes, you clearly have SO much empathy. And what you’re talking about is not actually empathy (which is an internal feeling that is not always apparent) but a statement the child made that you find shocking. So really this is about conformity and not empathy.

Eh, get over yourself. None of this is about conformity, I’m not shocked, there’s nothing unusual or nonconformist in tweens, teens, adults, getting pleasure out of trying to upset others through try-hard extremism in what they say; the world is full of dull solipsists. (The revamping of The Babysitters Club series isn’t a tool of The Man Inc. to oppress all of the not like other girls.) You have literally no understanding of empathy, nor, I’m guessing, about much of anything. This is a parenting issue where DH has communicated effectively that mom’s perspective is stupid and weak and taking into any consideration much younger kids and what they understand is pathetic and somehow conformist, instead of -actually- living and letting live. You be you, I’ll lace up my gender-neutral Converse and wish you well.

this word salad truly convinced me of your superior parenting.

Lolz

Why are you two? I’m guessing? so snide and defensive? Who made the OP post? You’re so threatened by anyone thinking she could have cause to be concerned, or at minimum, that she’s clearly treated with disdain by her husband and the kids pick up on it. It’s bizarre.

No one is making little girls be girly these days, or the reverse. It’s all choices we make at this stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

Pp. I looked back through the posts and I think you are in a difficult position because your husband thinks the behaviors and thoughts are correct. I can tell that even though no one can fault your daughter for being unkind to her cousins, it bothers you that she doesn’t engage more. This is an example of what I meant above, that she is destined to limit herself with her current trajectory. Her general outlook has already curtailed her chances of a close and loving relationship with her cousins, at the young age of 11. It is also possibly impacting her younger siblings’ relationship with them. I lived on the other side of the world from my cousins as a kid, and watching my own kids be able to connect with their cousins makes me realize what I missed. It is a big deal that your daughter seeks to disengage from them at every opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

Pp. I looked back through the posts and I think you are in a difficult position because your husband thinks the behaviors and thoughts are correct. I can tell that even though no one can fault your daughter for being unkind to her cousins, it bothers you that she doesn’t engage more. This is an example of what I meant above, that she is destined to limit herself with her current trajectory. Her general outlook has already curtailed her chances of a close and loving relationship with her cousins, at the young age of 11. It is also possibly impacting her younger siblings’ relationship with them. I lived on the other side of the world from my cousins as a kid, and watching my own kids be able to connect with their cousins makes me realize what I missed. It is a big deal that your daughter seeks to disengage from them at every opportunity.

plenty of people live rich and full lives without being close to their cousins. sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

Pp. I looked back through the posts and I think you are in a difficult position because your husband thinks the behaviors and thoughts are correct. I can tell that even though no one can fault your daughter for being unkind to her cousins, it bothers you that she doesn’t engage more. This is an example of what I meant above, that she is destined to limit herself with her current trajectory. Her general outlook has already curtailed her chances of a close and loving relationship with her cousins, at the young age of 11. It is also possibly impacting her younger siblings’ relationship with them. I lived on the other side of the world from my cousins as a kid, and watching my own kids be able to connect with their cousins makes me realize what I missed. It is a big deal that your daughter seeks to disengage from them at every opportunity.

plenty of people live rich and full lives without being close to their cousins. sheesh!

Well, yes, I am one of those people. But you fail to see the point. OP said her 11 year old daughter and her younger siblings “want nothing to do” with cousins that “adore them” and whom they see on a regular basis. You are saying that you think this behavior is fine and dandy? This is not normal and reason enough to look further. I’m not saying she needs a therapist or a diagnosis. Maybe the 11 year old just needs a role model to follow or maybe she needs enlightenment on the value of extended family. But whatever it is, she deserves some attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

Pp. I looked back through the posts and I think you are in a difficult position because your husband thinks the behaviors and thoughts are correct. I can tell that even though no one can fault your daughter for being unkind to her cousins, it bothers you that she doesn’t engage more. This is an example of what I meant above, that she is destined to limit herself with her current trajectory. Her general outlook has already curtailed her chances of a close and loving relationship with her cousins, at the young age of 11. It is also possibly impacting her younger siblings’ relationship with them. I lived on the other side of the world from my cousins as a kid, and watching my own kids be able to connect with their cousins makes me realize what I missed. It is a big deal that your daughter seeks to disengage from them at every opportunity.

plenty of people live rich and full lives without being close to their cousins. sheesh!

Well, yes, I am one of those people. But you fail to see the point. OP said her 11 year old daughter and her younger siblings “want nothing to do” with cousins that “adore them” and whom they see on a regular basis. You are saying that you think this behavior is fine and dandy? This is not normal and reason enough to look further. I’m not saying she needs a therapist or a diagnosis. Maybe the 11 year old just needs a role model to follow or maybe she needs enlightenment on the value of extended family. But whatever it is, she deserves some attention.

Of course it’s normal for 11 year olds not to be very interested in much younger cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

The “I would leave a baby on the side of the road to die” could be a one-off but this is reason to be concerned. Not because it could be adhd or autism, but because frankly, it’s not a good way to live. People who don’t value others, will find it hard to be valued themselves. I would be concerned that a child who does not express and demonstrate care and kindness toward others will struggle to form meaningful relationships and will limit their choices in long term companionship and career choices. So yes, I would be concerned enough to look further into this.

Pp. I looked back through the posts and I think you are in a difficult position because your husband thinks the behaviors and thoughts are correct. I can tell that even though no one can fault your daughter for being unkind to her cousins, it bothers you that she doesn’t engage more. This is an example of what I meant above, that she is destined to limit herself with her current trajectory. Her general outlook has already curtailed her chances of a close and loving relationship with her cousins, at the young age of 11. It is also possibly impacting her younger siblings’ relationship with them. I lived on the other side of the world from my cousins as a kid, and watching my own kids be able to connect with their cousins makes me realize what I missed. It is a big deal that your daughter seeks to disengage from them at every opportunity.

plenty of people live rich and full lives without being close to their cousins. sheesh!

Well, yes, I am one of those people. But you fail to see the point. OP said her 11 year old daughter and her younger siblings “want nothing to do” with cousins that “adore them” and whom they see on a regular basis. You are saying that you think this behavior is fine and dandy? This is not normal and reason enough to look further. I’m not saying she needs a therapist or a diagnosis. Maybe the 11 year old just needs a role model to follow or maybe she needs enlightenment on the value of extended family. But whatever it is, she deserves some attention.

Of course it’s normal for 11 year olds not to be very interested in much younger cousins.

I don’t think many of us disagree about that. But that is not what pushed OP to post, and that also has nothing to do with stereotypes about good girls.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore it until it’s too late