Does this warrant an appointment with a counselor?

[Anonymous]

My child - almost and adult now has indicated from preschool years zero desire to be a parent and is not a baby/kid person. Not hate, but would rather not touch or be touched by young humans. Animals sure! I think picking up a baby on the side of the road would still actually creep my kid out, but she would absolutely get the baby help.

I do suspect my kid is not neurotypical.

[Anonymous]

What YouTube or tik tok is your kid watching?

Are there other concerning things happening? School work? Friends? Behavior at home?

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut about your child. It sounds like you think something is very off. I am guessing it manifests in other ways as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re worried, so I would touch base with an expert. Even if just to make you feel better.

Shot in the dark: black and white thinking and lack of empathy can be a sign of ASD or ADHD, both of which go under diagnosed in girls. Maybe start there if there are other symptoms?

This, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with so many parents

An “expert?” What makes some random therapist an “expert,” except that you pay them to tell you what common sense should?

Every statement a child makes is not a sign of a disorder PP. quit medicating and meficalizimg your kids very existence. If you’re so worried about every little statement they make, it is you that has the problem.

I agrer with this AND I also have a child who legitimately needs therapies. There are more than enough “experts” willing to take money to give therapy that does nothing, even if your child has a bona fide mental health issue. Even for my child’s actual issues, my work is the most important factor.

Making statements for shock value is pretty typical tween/teen behavior, not a mental health issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut about your child. It sounds like you think something is very off. I am guessing it manifests in other ways as well.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t overreact, I think she is the oldest and therefore had to deal with younger siblings and doesn’t want to deal with that anymore. I think she was obviously being dramatic, and I would call her out in it and make sure her siblings hear that she is being silly. I bet you’ve seen her try to help out her younger sibling on occasion. Maybe she just needs more one on one time with a parent. Hey at least she won’t become another of the many female martyrs in most families!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What YouTube or tik tok is your kid watching?

Are there other concerning things happening? School work? Friends? Behavior at home?

My first thought— she’s either parroting somebody on social media or a friend who’s getting it from social media.

“I don’t like babies” or even “I hate babies” is not surprising. “I would leave a baby to die” is weird. Could be she’s trying to get a reaction (and if so, not reacting isn’t necessarily the answer).

I would be VERY interested in her viewing history to see what types of rabbit holes the algorithms are sending her down. She doesn’t have the cognitive filter at 11 to sort out the garbage yet.

[Anonymous]

If it was just indifference to babies and children I wouldn’t be that concerned if I were you , many people are like that. But since she’s saying she would let someone die and having other sentiments about human life in general , that would be concerning to me.

[Anonymous]

Is she saying it just to provoke a reaction? I’ve probably said a lot of ridiculous things when I was in a bad mood as a kid. Including saying I hated babies but I loooove mine now that I’m an adult. You are closest to try to determine if this is her venting or really sharing a deeply held feeling that might warrant exploring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do think your older one should be seen by a therapist. That’s an awfully bleak outlook for her age. At the very least you need to shut down that kind of talk in front of her little siblings. Letting her voice the dislike for kids for so long has passed the sentiment on to your younger siblings and that’s not fair for her to have such power. You can tell her that certain things she needs to voice only to you privately. Could she be on the spectrum?

This was one of my thoughts when reading your post. I work with autistic children, and some of them (especially very high-functioning, intelligent) will voice somewhat disturbing things, not realizing how shocking it is for others to hear it. Working with a therapist can definitely help.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I'm trying to think back to how I was as a kid, and I don't think I liked babies, toddlers, or dolls either when I was young. Honestly, it really wasn't until I became a mom that I developed that affection, protectiveness, and Awww kind of instinct with young children.

I guess I'm trying to think from an outside perspective, ie, if my kids were to say that out loud to someone else, like at school, they might be concerned. She says a lot of things that, out of context, could trigger someone to flag her for counseling. She passionately loves animals and is the type to save every worm or ant and will get really upset if people kill bugs. But at the same time, she'd say she wants to dissect animals, out of curiosity. We do have a lot of M.D.s in our family - but that's the type of thing that out of context, people might get very worried for her. She does seem to like to push the envelope with us (and only us) in terms of saying things that she probably suspects would be concerning or problematic.

And yes, I suspect pretty much all of us either have adhd or asd. Our kids are not on any social media. But I have caught my oldest looking up things that she should not have been exposed to. Like those horrible animal farming videos where they show the terrible conditions they live in. And I can see how much it upset her. And angered her. She is too curious for her own good. She holds very extreme points of view, and cannot seem to allow room for nuance.

Our kids are close. One second they are fighting and annoying each other, and the other second, they are like best friends. Our oldest has been a good teacher to her younger sibs. She's a natural, patient teacher. She's mean and can punch/kick when she's pushed, or someone keeps invading her space, in a reactive way. But never in a malicious way. She holds onto anger, from years past, as if it just happened. Our kids have no issues at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm trying to think back to how I was as a kid, and I don't think I liked babies, toddlers, or dolls either when I was young. Honestly, it really wasn't until I became a mom that I developed that affection, protectiveness, and Awww kind of instinct with young children.

I guess I'm trying to think from an outside perspective, ie, if my kids were to say that out loud to someone else, like at school, they might be concerned. She says a lot of things that, out of context, could trigger someone to flag her for counseling. She passionately loves animals and is the type to save every worm or ant and will get really upset if people kill bugs. But at the same time, she'd say she wants to dissect animals, out of curiosity. We do have a lot of M.D.s in our family - but that's the type of thing that out of context, people might get very worried for her. She does seem to like to push the envelope with us (and only us) in terms of saying things that she probably suspects would be concerning or problematic.

And yes, I suspect pretty much all of us either have adhd or asd. Our kids are not on any social media. But I have caught my oldest looking up things that she should not have been exposed to. Like those horrible animal farming videos where they show the terrible conditions they live in. And I can see how much it upset her. And angered her. She is too curious for her own good. She holds very extreme points of view, and cannot seem to allow room for nuance.

Our kids are close. One second they are fighting and annoying each other, and the other second, they are like best friends. Our oldest has been a good teacher to her younger sibs. She's a natural, patient teacher. She's mean and can punch/kick when she's pushed, or someone keeps invading her space, in a reactive way. But never in a malicious way. She holds onto anger, from years past, as if it just happened. Our kids have no issues at school.

My oldest daughter is very intelligent and has high functioning asd, and sounds similar to your daughter. She loves animals, cares deeply about the environment. She loves children so that’s a little different, but in general if she loves something she loves it fiercely and deeply, and she hates something she absolutely loathes it. She is 19 now, and says things at times that are very concerning to others that she thinks are no big deal. She developed depression and anxiety in high school and is now medicated. CBT therapy was very helpful, along with explicit advice/instruction in what others find socially acceptable, different types of conversation in different settings, etc. Many social norms drive her crazy as she sees no purpose in them, but she is slowly figuring out that she sometimes has to somewhat conform at times and there are other times where she can just totally be herself. If you suspect ASD or ADHD, getting her support early, especially before the teen years, could make a big difference for her. My daughters ASD was not diagnosed until late teens, after anxiety and depression had already developed. I wonder if we had caught it earlier if we could have prevented the mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Your kids sound like my sister who hates babies and kids, from when she was a child and she still hates them. Even though she likes trick or treating, as an adult, she said she would give cough drops out if any kids come to her door. Fortunately no one ever comes to her door. She would say off-putting things to incite me or my mom. She was scared of my dad so she wouldn’t say stuff like that to him.

I think she thinks kids are noisy, and I don’t think she likes humans in general if you get to know her. She is 50, never married, no kids.

To avoid becoming like her, I would make sure your kids do not spend too much time with just each other, separate some of them and get them outdoors and out in the community, like volunteering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids sound like my sister who hates babies and kids, from when she was a child and she still hates them. Even though she likes trick or treating, as an adult, she said she would give cough drops out if any kids come to her door. Fortunately no one ever comes to her door. She would say off-putting things to incite me or my mom. She was scared of my dad so she wouldn’t say stuff like that to him.

I think she thinks kids are noisy, and I don’t think she likes humans in general if you get to know her. She is 50, never married, no kids.

To avoid becoming like her, I would make sure your kids do not spend too much time with just each other, separate some of them and get them outdoors and out in the community, like volunteering.

More background: She spent most of her childhood in her room, and failed to launch.

I’m sure that won’t happen to your kids, but my point is that she/we were very isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids, oldest is 11, really dislike babies and toddlers. Our oldest has been like this since she herself was a toddler. Disliked dolls also. She’s very vocal about her dislike and I think the younger ones pick up on it.

Recently, she said something concerning. She said that if she saw a baby stranded on the side of the road, she would just leave it to die. The younger ones chimed in to say that they would do the same. Said that she hates babies and there’s too many humans on this planet and humans ruin everything. Knowing her I think it’s just that she thinks so black and white and knows way too much about the causes of climate change and then coupled with her already dislike of babies, she logically thinks it’s better to let the baby die.

I have tried to change their view of babies and toddlers but to no avail. They have younger cousins who adore them. But our kids want nothing to do with them. They have never ever been mean or unkind, but they generally ignore them. I feel bad that they are not friendlier. Our younger ones are a bit more flexible. Even though they hate them and complain about them to us, they will be nice enough to play with them, answer their questions, help them with something, or teach them something- albeit begrudgingly (on the inside).

Our oldest won’t even do that though.

She says similar things about humans in general- just a lack of concern, empathy, and value for someone’s life.

Would you be concerned?

Me again. It’s also not logical to think leaving a baby to die would help with climate change, and it’s not logical to hate an entire group of people (babies and toddlers). She would leave it to die because she just hates babies.