Behavior in DD's school/grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

If that were true, all schools would have this problem. But, it's not across all schools. Just the one too terrified to actually discipline or have consequences.

It’s across all public schools, especially ones where parents are less educated and lower income. The screens are more likely to be always on for those kids and for their parents too. But agree that school discipline can be better

Screens are addictive to adults too, not just kids. We're in a more UMC neighborhood but parents are constantly on their phones at the playgrounds.

Funny how all the tech execs supposedly send their kids to schools with minimal screen use and don't give them smartphones. They know the technology their companies built, market to kids, and profit off of is highly addictive and toxic. This isn't a problem personal-responsibility is going to solve, there needs to be a societal shift.

Yeah, it is a problem everywhere. But most UMC families at least make sure their kids are involved in (several) activities outside of the house from an early age where they learn some interpersonal skills, how to behave in a group, following instructions, etc. Poor kids are home all day on their screens while their parents are on screens too.

The poor kids in my district qualify for head start or free preK, which their parents use- they need the childcare because they work in person- not a telework job at home on screens.

And the minute the kid is home from head start, they are given a screen or the TV is turned on until bedtime.

Are you a case worker or something? How do you know so much about what goes on in the houses of low-income strangers?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I do feel like the prevalence of screens has to factor into it. DD is very involved in an extra curricular activity (like 15 hours a week- her choice) so we largely do not limit screens when she’s home because she’s just not home that much. But I can only imagine if she were on her iPad or switch 15 additional hours. Even when she is on a screen, it’s usually animal crossing, which I’m ok with because there’s a lot of thought and creativity happening. Or she will get on YouTube kids to research how to do something in animal crossing. Sure there’s some completely mindless stuff in there too, which is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD from her 3rd grade classroom. She had a violently disruptive classmate who caused the kids to evacuate several times a week.

We pulled her from school the rest of that year and then sent her to private the following school year. I was much happier with the student behavior in private school. She didn't have any classroom evacuations.

My best friend used to be a public school teacher in our city. She experienced the same (and worse). Her daughter is a year older than ours and she sent her to private. We did the same and have been very happy.

My now-3rd grader had a safety plan in 1st grade because she had a friend who would target her during extreme behavioral situations and throw/hurl things her way. She would have to self-evacuate to the classroom across the hall. This was at a private school, so the only difference from public is that they could counsel the girl out- but it took 6 months because there wasn’t a strong framework for escalating intervention as there might be in a public school. She ended up in a special behavioral support classroom in our zoned public.

I don’t think private or public is a magic solution; many kids everywhere are in a bad place.

What? Your private school sucks then. Our school has expelled students in a single day due to behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So 1, I wouldn’t necessarily judge the behavior based on the class holiday party. Thats not a usual experience for them so they might be all over the place. But 2, I have heard that 3rd grade is crazy. Remember those are the kids who never got to go to K because of the Covid school closures, and their 1st grade was likely all masked and under restrictions. I’ve heard that 4th graders (shortened K, no 1st) are similar, maybe behavior not as bad but they had a lot of school catching up to do. And 3, some classes just have all the wild kids in them and if the teacher doesn’t have great classroom management the kids will go crazy. Luckily it’s lower stakes in elementary vs. in middle or HS where kids are larger and rowdier. Hopefully next year will be better. Hang in there!

4th grade at our private school is not at all like this.

+1

I have twins in fourth so I have exposure to two of the classrooms and nothing like this is true with these kids.

[Anonymous]

The screens are crazy. The other day I was at swim and there was a little girl playing a loud game on a phone by the pool. A bunch of men were sitting around her so I assumed one was her dad.

30 minutes later, her older brother came in the pool area and tried to get her attention. Called her name, tapped her… finally he had to slug her in the arm and grab her head for her to look up from the phone. Apparently her mother had lost her and don’t even realize she was gone. For at least half a hour! By an open pool!

Girl got to her feet still staring at phone and shuffled into the locker room staring at the phone. I was afraid she was going to fall in the pool.

As someone who would never just hand my 7 year old a phone, I don’t get any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

If that were true, all schools would have this problem. But, it's not across all schools. Just the one too terrified to actually discipline or have consequences.

It’s across all public schools, especially ones where parents are less educated and lower income. The screens are more likely to be always on for those kids and for their parents too. But agree that school discipline can be better

Screens are addictive to adults too, not just kids. We're in a more UMC neighborhood but parents are constantly on their phones at the playgrounds.

Funny how all the tech execs supposedly send their kids to schools with minimal screen use and don't give them smartphones. They know the technology their companies built, market to kids, and profit off of is highly addictive and toxic. This isn't a problem personal-responsibility is going to solve, there needs to be a societal shift.

Yeah, it is a problem everywhere. But most UMC families at least make sure their kids are involved in (several) activities outside of the house from an early age where they learn some interpersonal skills, how to behave in a group, following instructions, etc. Poor kids are home all day on their screens while their parents are on screens too.

The poor kids in my district qualify for head start or free preK, which their parents use- they need the childcare because they work in person- not a telework job at home on screens.

And the minute the kid is home from head start, they are given a screen or the TV is turned on until bedtime.

Are you a case worker or something? How do you know so much about what goes on in the houses of low-income strangers?

I’m not a caseworker but have worked in elementary schools with lots of low income kids. I can confirm this is true. It may be a stereotype, but it is true. And many they pack lots of candy for lunch.

When they get in trouble at school, the teacher can’t do a thing. Kid gets to “take a break” with the school social worker and eat a junky snack. No other consequences except if we are lucky the behavior gets documented so hopefully someday the kid can have an IEP or a one-on-one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

Is this why screens are used so much at school too? Because teachers don't have to interact with them as much? It's not about "preparing them for the technology of the future" like they tell us?

No, teachers don’t have a choice to not use technology. It’s mostly the district that decides and many districts require students to be on for hours a day. Also teachers have to submit a ton of data electronically and they expect that students will be doing many assignments on the screen so that teacher can collect data more easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

If that were true, all schools would have this problem. But, it's not across all schools. Just the one too terrified to actually discipline or have consequences.

It’s across all public schools, especially ones where parents are less educated and lower income. The screens are more likely to be always on for those kids and for their parents too. But agree that school discipline can be better

Screens are addictive to adults too, not just kids. We're in a more UMC neighborhood but parents are constantly on their phones at the playgrounds.

Funny how all the tech execs supposedly send their kids to schools with minimal screen use and don't give them smartphones. They know the technology their companies built, market to kids, and profit off of is highly addictive and toxic. This isn't a problem personal-responsibility is going to solve, there needs to be a societal shift.

Yeah, it is a problem everywhere. But most UMC families at least make sure their kids are involved in (several) activities outside of the house from an early age where they learn some interpersonal skills, how to behave in a group, following instructions, etc. Poor kids are home all day on their screens while their parents are on screens too.

The poor kids in my district qualify for head start or free preK, which their parents use- they need the childcare because they work in person- not a telework job at home on screens.

And the minute the kid is home from head start, they are given a screen or the TV is turned on until bedtime.

Are you a case worker or something? How do you know so much about what goes on in the houses of low-income strangers?

I’m not a caseworker but have worked in elementary schools with lots of low income kids. I can confirm this is true. It may be a stereotype, but it is true. And many they pack lots of candy for lunch.

When they get in trouble at school, the teacher can’t do a thing. Kid gets to “take a break” with the school social worker and eat a junky snack. No other consequences except if we are lucky the behavior gets documented so hopefully someday the kid can have an IEP or a one-on-one.

Yes. And many of the free preK/head start preschools have screens in the classrooms too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

Is this why screens are used so much at school too? Because teachers don't have to interact with them as much? It's not about "preparing them for the technology of the future" like they tell us?

Why do people think teachers make such decisions? The district pushes admin to make sure teachers use the expected amount of time on the apps the district pays for. My admin will come in and get upset if our students don’t use the apps for a minimum amount of time each week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

If that were true, all schools would have this problem. But, it's not across all schools. Just the one too terrified to actually discipline or have consequences.

It’s across all public schools, especially ones where parents are less educated and lower income. The screens are more likely to be always on for those kids and for their parents too. But agree that school discipline can be better

Screens are addictive to adults too, not just kids. We're in a more UMC neighborhood but parents are constantly on their phones at the playgrounds.

Funny how all the tech execs supposedly send their kids to schools with minimal screen use and don't give them smartphones. They know the technology their companies built, market to kids, and profit off of is highly addictive and toxic. This isn't a problem personal-responsibility is going to solve, there needs to be a societal shift.

Yeah, it is a problem everywhere. But most UMC families at least make sure their kids are involved in (several) activities outside of the house from an early age where they learn some interpersonal skills, how to behave in a group, following instructions, etc. Poor kids are home all day on their screens while their parents are on screens too.

The poor kids in my district qualify for head start or free preK, which their parents use- they need the childcare because they work in person- not a telework job at home on screens.

And the minute the kid is home from head start, they are given a screen or the TV is turned on until bedtime.

Are you a case worker or something? How do you know so much about what goes on in the houses of low-income strangers?

Different poster but parents admit this is what happens at home in my Title 1 school. Just this week a parent said I should threaten to take away the kid’s phone at home so she will behave. The parent says she plays on it after school until she falls asleep (with it).

[Anonymous]

It’s almost as if screens were designed to be addictive. But wait, let’s blame individuals instead!

I hope the backlash again big tech takes off soon. I think we’re getting there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough. I honestly don't know if my son's school is like this, but I worked at a nearby elementary and it was much like you describe. And yes, it was depressing at times. I have volunteered at my son's school and they were able to sit and listen to a story, and I haven't seen too much chaos at lunch time, but who knows.

When I was growing up... I think I seem to remember there were always THOSE problem kids. Usually kids who had severe issues or were thought to be medicated due to hyperactivity, but they were a handful of kids in the entire school and everybody knew who they were. The behavior issues seem much more widespread now, unless that's just my nostalgia.

OP here... that's how I remember it too. There were definitely those kids, but it was the minority, not the majority.

DD's school has a number system for lunch and specials where they get X number of points based on behavior and they are constantly getting a bad score and DD gets upset about it, because then they get a consequence of some sort for the whole class and there are some that are being perfectly behaved. I've even confirmed with her teacher when we get emails about their poor lunch and specials scores. I just don't get the group punishment.

Then they had an assembly and they gave out awards and the vast majority of the awards are to the poorly behaved kids who are "getting better" (BS) in their behavior. While the kids that never rock the boat and do what they are supposed to are never recognized. I normally wouldn't care about silly school awards, but it's so odd to watch kids that I've heard are problem kids alllll year get an "award". I barely understand it as a parent, but children definitely don't.

But the badly behaved children need even more positive reinforcement. This is to get them out of the poor behavior cycle.

[Anonymous]

Is there any way you and the other parents can talk to the administration about ending these group punishments? They are clearly not working and making the school experience miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s screens. Kids are getting way too much screen time bc their parents don’t really want to interact with them. Parents would rather be on their screens too.

Many kids don’t really know how to behave or appropriately intact with people-especially all day long- without a screen

Is this why screens are used so much at school too? Because teachers don't have to interact with them as much? It's not about "preparing them for the technology of the future" like they tell us?

Why do people think teachers make such decisions? The district pushes admin to make sure teachers use the expected amount of time on the apps the district pays for. My admin will come in and get upset if our students don’t use the apps for a minimum amount of time each week.

Yup. It’s crazy. Schools may complain about phones but they are doing their part to get kids addicted to devices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD from her 3rd grade classroom. She had a violently disruptive classmate who caused the kids to evacuate several times a week.

We pulled her from school the rest of that year and then sent her to private the following school year. I was much happier with the student behavior in private school. She didn't have any classroom evacuations.

My best friend used to be a public school teacher in our city. She experienced the same (and worse). Her daughter is a year older than ours and she sent her to private. We did the same and have been very happy.

My now-3rd grader had a safety plan in 1st grade because she had a friend who would target her during extreme behavioral situations and throw/hurl things her way. She would have to self-evacuate to the classroom across the hall. This was at a private school, so the only difference from public is that they could counsel the girl out- but it took 6 months because there wasn’t a strong framework for escalating intervention as there might be in a public school. She ended up in a special behavioral support classroom in our zoned public.

I don’t think private or public is a magic solution; many kids everywhere are in a bad place.

What? Your private school sucks then. Our school has expelled students in a single day due to behavior.

Legally it is very difficult for any private to break a contract in a day unless they have a super restrictive handbook. If your school has a handbook that is specific enough to allow it to expel a child in a day, the behavioral code was probably rewritten in response to similar past incidents. I promise our handbook has changed significantly over the past 2 years.