Behavior in DD's school/grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you and the other parents can talk to the administration about ending these group punishments? They are clearly not working and making the school experience miserable.

+1. This is a good suggestion. Specific, achievable, and will have an impact on her daily life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is happening all around the country. Junk food, poor parenting.. so the kids who were “those kids” when we grew up are now considered normal kids, and the good kids (“regular kids” when we grew up) really stand out as being calm and well behaved.

My kid's school is not as bad as what OP describes but this rings true to me. The way I parent now would have been considered super chill where I grew up back in the 80s. Because we don't hit our kids, we have some flexibility on stuff like picky eating and letting kids choose their own activities, and we aren't militant about stuff like family dinners and screen time. My parents were much stricter.

But among the families we know through school, I think we are considered very strict because we we insist on good manners and will do things like leave a playground or party if one of our kids is being rude or not playing well with others. Most of the families we know just watch their kids being jerks and will kind of casually say "Don't forget to share, Mason" while Mason is shoving kids off the slide so he can spider climb up it 40x in a row, and then turn back to their phone or conversation.

Op here. This totally resonates. My boomer parents even tell me I’m too lax and but they just have no idea. I’m incredibly strict compared to what I’ve seen of most of her classmates’ parents. Now the parents at her activity are more on my wavelength and not surprisingly, their kids are much better behaved.

I relate so much to this. I have an only in 4th at an excellent public and the majority of her schoolmates and even friends (also onlies, also with parents with resources) are dysregulated, rude, and startlingly free of empathy, at 9 going on 10. I’m the strict mom even though my kid gets plenty of screen time and treats. She also does her homework and can get picked up to go home without a fight, she listens, she does not mistreat other people or their possessions and so on — and this is unusual and people tell me in not complimentary tones how “angelic” she is. I mean, she’s amazing to me, but this is “regular” kid behavior from my childhood elevated into something extremely unusual because other parents are f—— g lazy and truly never say no. I don’t get it. I have to say no at times, and I always have, and DD got used to boundaries. This is basic stuff. And it’s atypical IME that parents in UMC “good” elementaries are parenting fully. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Parents in our private school complained that they had to quarantine in their second home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Parents in our private school complained that they had to quarantine in their second home

Pacific NW here and parents tried to get synchronous virtual hours shifted later because it was too early for them to start their day on Hawaii time. And the ones who went to Sun Valley or Big Sky wanted an earlier start so they could have a full ski day.

[Anonymous]

Just bringing up an opposite anecdote here, that my kids and several of their friends are totally screen obsessed but also excellent, polite students. I’m not sure it’s such a direct connection. But I do think bad behavior comes from negligent parenting.

[Anonymous]

My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

Exactly. If anything it's the PARENTS who were the most dysregulated during stay at home. That's why kids weren't properly parented.

Mind-blowing and accurate observation. Parents in our very nice neighborhood and at our private school went off the rails during stay at home. I’m on the west coast, and where I live there were constant day drinking parties, shipping the kids off to grandparents’ houses during virtual school for months so they could go solo to wine country or the desert, or parents working full time at home but not having any childcare for very young kids. The kids are a mess at school, but the adults are even worse in how they chafe at expectations. I don’t know how we unwind this mess.

100% this. Parents acted like the world was out to get them because they actuallly had to spend time with kids. I'm not talking parents who were essential workers. I'm talking parents who worked at home all day (2 parent household, both at home). It's like they were pissed because they weren't classified as "important"/essential, and they actually had to parent

Parents in our private school complained that they had to quarantine in their second home

Pacific NW here and parents tried to get synchronous virtual hours shifted later because it was too early for them to start their day on Hawaii time. And the ones who went to Sun Valley or Big Sky wanted an earlier start so they could have a full ski day.

AYFKM????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Thank you so much. It means so much to hear that. DCUM can be lovely sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Thank you so much. It means so much to hear that. DCUM can be lovely sometimes.

What am I missing? How is the PP’s comment in any way lovely? She is talking about what crap mom her wealthiest “friend” is. Great friend you are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough. I honestly don't know if my son's school is like this, but I worked at a nearby elementary and it was much like you describe. And yes, it was depressing at times. I have volunteered at my son's school and they were able to sit and listen to a story, and I haven't seen too much chaos at lunch time, but who knows.

When I was growing up... I think I seem to remember there were always THOSE problem kids. Usually kids who had severe issues or were thought to be medicated due to hyperactivity, but they were a handful of kids in the entire school and everybody knew who they were. The behavior issues seem much more widespread now, unless that's just my nostalgia.

OP here... that's how I remember it too. There were definitely those kids, but it was the minority, not the majority.

DD's school has a number system for lunch and specials where they get X number of points based on behavior and they are constantly getting a bad score and DD gets upset about it, because then they get a consequence of some sort for the whole class and there are some that are being perfectly behaved. I've even confirmed with her teacher when we get emails about their poor lunch and specials scores. I just don't get the group punishment.

Then they had an assembly and they gave out awards and the vast majority of the awards are to the poorly behaved kids who are "getting better" (BS) in their behavior. While the kids that never rock the boat and do what they are supposed to are never recognized. I normally wouldn't care about silly school awards, but it's so odd to watch kids that I've heard are problem kids alllll year get an "award". I barely understand it as a parent, but children definitely don't.

But the badly behaved children need even more positive reinforcement. This is to get them out of the poor behavior cycle.

Op here. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not… imagine being a child that is doing what they’re supposed to and getting group punishments because of the behavior kids. And then a behavior kid “does better” (aka doesn’t assault someone or destroy a classroom) and they are recognized in front of the entire school and the kid that’s been well behaved all along isn’t ever recognized. I’m sorry, but that’s bullsh*t. Even my 8 year old is confused by it because she says they were literally screaming at kids and teachers that week. Make it make sense??

[Anonymous]

I was just at the holiday party for my child’s kindergarten class a couple days ago (APS) and don’t relate at all. Every single kid participated in both crafts appropriately and happily, moved along to the next station when it was time, and I didn’t see one break down over the musical chairs and hot potato games. It really does seem stark to me if kids are struggling with these in 3rd if my child’s kindergarten class is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is behaviorally challenging and I'll tell you why. We lost several family members due to COVID and I am an ICU nurse so she didn't see me much. It wasn't just the screens. Maybe for the banana bread crew, but not all of us were.

I love and bake banana bread. But I know what you’re saying and most kids acting like this lost no one, they just have never had responsible parents. It’s laziness for them, full stop, end of. My wealthiest mom friend frequently can’t stand being around her own kid and says so. She does not connect always indulging him, treating him as extra special, not confronting him on his lies, as contributing to his behavior. It is what it is. That’s not you and no one would confuse your very real challenges and sacrifices losses for this kind of crap.

Thank you so much. It means so much to hear that. DCUM can be lovely sometimes.

What am I missing? How is the PP’s comment in any way lovely? She is talking about what crap mom her wealthiest “friend” is. Great friend you are!

Hit dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough. I honestly don't know if my son's school is like this, but I worked at a nearby elementary and it was much like you describe. And yes, it was depressing at times. I have volunteered at my son's school and they were able to sit and listen to a story, and I haven't seen too much chaos at lunch time, but who knows.

When I was growing up... I think I seem to remember there were always THOSE problem kids. Usually kids who had severe issues or were thought to be medicated due to hyperactivity, but they were a handful of kids in the entire school and everybody knew who they were. The behavior issues seem much more widespread now, unless that's just my nostalgia.

OP here... that's how I remember it too. There were definitely those kids, but it was the minority, not the majority.

DD's school has a number system for lunch and specials where they get X number of points based on behavior and they are constantly getting a bad score and DD gets upset about it, because then they get a consequence of some sort for the whole class and there are some that are being perfectly behaved. I've even confirmed with her teacher when we get emails about their poor lunch and specials scores. I just don't get the group punishment.

Then they had an assembly and they gave out awards and the vast majority of the awards are to the poorly behaved kids who are "getting better" (BS) in their behavior. While the kids that never rock the boat and do what they are supposed to are never recognized. I normally wouldn't care about silly school awards, but it's so odd to watch kids that I've heard are problem kids alllll year get an "award". I barely understand it as a parent, but children definitely don't.

But the badly behaved children need even more positive reinforcement. This is to get them out of the poor behavior cycle.

Op here. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not… imagine being a child that is doing what they’re supposed to and getting group punishments because of the behavior kids. And then a behavior kid “does better” (aka doesn’t assault someone or destroy a classroom) and they are recognized in front of the entire school and the kid that’s been well behaved all along isn’t ever recognized. I’m sorry, but that’s bullsh*t. Even my 8 year old is confused by it because she says they were literally screaming at kids and teachers that week. Make it make sense??

It doesn’t make sense, and posters who want to deny your experience are just weak. Some of us have the luck of sending our kids to publics and privates with either fewer of these issues, with a more involved set of parents overall, or with administration unafraid to move kids to better environments, to suspend or to expel. Some of us don’t, and that’s real, too.