Why people don't get along with their in-laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not getting along with in laws has been around forever. To be perfectly honest, it’s a low class white people thing. People in most other cultures do not have these problems. Some people can’t suspend their ego and are easily threatened and this becomes problematic.
Low class does not have to do with how much money you have but rather is how you’ve evolved as a human.

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are NOT my family. I am friendly and kind but would not force more interaction with hem than DH wants and definitely will NOT take over holiday gifts buying, schedule negotiation and all correspondence. No way in hell

Just like kids get married. I don't plan to deal with my son and daughter-in-law.... I plan to deal with my children. I also don't plan to bring me in-laws and relationship I have with my children.

Perfect example of why ILs don't get along.

DP. Your internalized misogyny is showing. It's not enough for the PP to be friendly and kind, you demand more. Yet, you don't demand this from men in relationships.

+1

This is MIL - sons il law can do what they want, when they want, but daughters in law are under this tiny, filthy microscope, and have to march to mens drum? LOL no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our issues were truly because my husband never stepped up to manage his parents (pushy mother and step father) when we were married, and I did it all for many many years. I mean, all hosting, great meals, butt kissing. Whenever they wanted to come I rolled out the red carpet and they came A LOT.

After our third baby, I told him I can’t do it anymore with them and he has to take over the communication and hosting, and that set off a nuclear bomb the likes of which I never expected was hiding under the surface of my MIL all those years.

Turns out, she only likes me and wants to have a relationship with me if I’m kissing her butt and she’s controlling me. Otherwise, I’m worse than dirt.

It was pretty shocking and is still creating ripples in our 16 year marriage.

+1

This worship the oversized and unrelenting egos thing - how they did to their DH - does not fly in this day and age. Sorry, not sorry, Boomers and older!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If parents in law treat new additions with open arms and minds, there is a good chance to build a relationship.

If there is a difference in race, religion or class, even more need to accept and embrace.

+1

Yes, but it can not only apply to favorite children, or that is narcissism at its worst. So unhealthy!

[Anonymous]

In my case they wanted to be part of a family with my husband and my kids but always made a point to somehow show that i was not part of the family after decades it wears on you. Relationships where you are expected to be loving and open but constantly put in your place are very hard to maintain and eventually fracture. I would visit my MIL and she would complain the whole time about my DH and why he wasn't visiting and then tell me I could go since he wasn't there and then complain about how no one was visting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are NOT my family. I am friendly and kind but would not force more interaction with hem than DH wants and definitely will NOT take over holiday gifts buying, schedule negotiation and all correspondence. No way in hell

Just like kids get married. I don't plan to deal with my son and daughter-in-law.... I plan to deal with my children. I also don't plan to bring me in-laws and relationship I have with my children.

Perfect example of why ILs don't get along.

DP. Your internalized misogyny is showing. It's not enough for the PP to be friendly and kind, you demand more. Yet, you don't demand this from men in relationships.

+1

This is MIL - sons il law can do what they want, when they want, but daughters in law are under this tiny, filthy microscope, and have to march to mens drum? LOL no.

+2

YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not getting along with in laws has been around forever. To be perfectly honest, it’s a low class white people thing. People in most other cultures do not have these problems. Some people can’t suspend their ego and are easily threatened and this becomes problematic.
Low class does not have to do with how much money you have but rather is how you’ve evolved as a human.

LOL a white people thing?! You are so ignorant, it’s hilarious. You clearly have NO idea what so many women are dealing with as a DIL in an Indian culture, an Asian culture, a middle eastern culture, etc just to name a few! Two of my close friends are Hispanic and Guyanese and live within those cultures and their in-law problems are awful. You should really get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not getting along with in laws has been around forever. To be perfectly honest, it’s a low class white people thing. People in most other cultures do not have these problems. Some people can’t suspend their ego and are easily threatened and this becomes problematic.
Low class does not have to do with how much money you have but rather is how you’ve evolved as a human.

LOL a white people thing?! You are so ignorant, it’s hilarious. You clearly have NO idea what so many women are dealing with as a DIL in an Indian culture, an Asian culture, a middle eastern culture, etc just to name a few! Two of my close friends are Hispanic and Guyanese and live within those cultures and their in-law problems are awful. You should really get a clue.

Don't forget being the DW of the oldest DS in a Chinese family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not getting along with in laws has been around forever. To be perfectly honest, it’s a low class white people thing. People in most other cultures do not have these problems. Some people can’t suspend their ego and are easily threatened and this becomes problematic.
Low class does not have to do with how much money you have but rather is how you’ve evolved as a human.

LOL a white people thing?! You are so ignorant, it’s hilarious. You clearly have NO idea what so many women are dealing with as a DIL in an Indian culture, an Asian culture, a middle eastern culture, etc just to name a few! Two of my close friends are Hispanic and Guyanese and live within those cultures and their in-law problems are awful. You should really get a clue.

Should be an advertisement not to marry men from these cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not getting along with in laws has been around forever. To be perfectly honest, it’s a low class white people thing. People in most other cultures do not have these problems. Some people can’t suspend their ego and are easily threatened and this becomes problematic.
Low class does not have to do with how much money you have but rather is how you’ve evolved as a human.

Have you been to any emerging markets with suppressed women’s rights? You think they’re enjoying moving into their ILs house to work?

[Anonymous]

My FIL is super mean and I have had enough. Once it started to happen in front of the kids, I said no more.

[Anonymous]

Crazy - I love my ILs and my husbands siblings and spouses are great. We certainly don’t agree on everything but we get along and our kids love their cousins. Now they are all ten and younger but they have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy - I love my ILs and my husbands siblings and spouses are great. We certainly don’t agree on everything but we get along and our kids love their cousins. Now they are all ten and younger but they have fun.

How is your post relevant to this thread? Were you feeling compulsive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are NOT my family. I am friendly and kind but would not force more interaction with hem than DH wants and definitely will NOT take over holiday gifts buying, schedule negotiation and all correspondence. No way in hell

Just like kids get married. I don't plan to deal with my son and daughter-in-law.... I plan to deal with my children. I also don't plan to bring me in-laws and relationship I have with my children.

Perfect example of why ILs don't get along.

DP. Your internalized misogyny is showing. It's not enough for the PP to be friendly and kind, you demand more. Yet, you don't demand this from men in relationships.

+1

This is MIL - sons il law can do what they want, when they want, but daughters in law are under this tiny, filthy microscope, and have to march to mens drum? LOL no.

What the hell are you even talking about. I am not talking about misogony. I am talking about the poster who doesn’t think of her inlaws as family. That’s exactly why you don’t have a good relationship with them. I’d love for my in-laws to treat me like I am family instead of “just the person married to their child or sibling”. I’ve spent 20+ years with my spouse and I don’t think my in-laws could tell you much, if anything about me.

[Anonymous]

My in laws sold me on being a nice mainstream catholic family with kids at the catholic schools and attending the local church. I wanted to think of them as family. Five years later I found out they were involved with people who had been to prison as their best friends in the church that didnt even attend a catholic church anymore and this cult sect that did and believed crazy things. The conversations around religions got very controlling and off. It got weird when it was time to pick godparents and I just couldn't pick them for my kids. They never forgave me and were horrible after.