Why people don't get along with their in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I don’t care for one SIL because she lied to me several times when we were first introduced. Things like where she went to college, how she met her husband etc. the other in-laws are mostly fine.

DH parents are nice, but odd. Told us they could travel more than 45 minutes to see us, we live like an hour away, yet rarely invite us to their house. They have little interest in our kids - have only seen them play sports a few times, no longer send gifts, do not interact with them outside of them we are in the same location. When we do see them they are normal.

[Anonymous]

My first set of in-laws sucked. My now XH was an only child and they were (and still are) incredibly selfish. Their parenting was odd and their relationships were odd. FIL was a total jerk and treated people around him horribly. I put my foot down after a few years of being included in the horrible treatment and was told that was just who he was, and everyone just tolerated his awful behavior. No thanks. And they never, ever asked about how anyone was doing- not their son, not their grandkids, certainly not me. FIL was competitive with XH and never supported any of his wins. It was really sad.

Current in-laws are absolutely amazing. Mid-west family with really good family values. Incredibly caring and just good people all around. I won the lottery.

[Anonymous]

I realized, over the course of 20 years, that my in-laws never intended to treat me as family. I am consistently the one who should deal with the mundane chores that they and/or their dear son shouldn’t be bothered with, and that’s all I’m worth to them. Their grandchildren are also undervalued and unimportant to them, and they treat their other daughter-in-law and grandkids similarly. Maybe it’s Asperger’s or narcissism on their part, but I didn’t luck out with in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realized, over the course of 20 years, that my in-laws never intended to treat me as family. I am consistently the one who should deal with the mundane chores that they and/or their dear son shouldn’t be bothered with, and that’s all I’m worth to them. Their grandchildren are also undervalued and unimportant to them, and they treat their other daughter-in-law and grandkids similarly. Maybe it’s Asperger’s or narcissism on their part, but I didn’t luck out with in-laws.

This definitely seems at play with my in-laws. Just extremely rigid, self-focused, and unable to view any situation from any perspective other than their own. They aren't "mean" - just can't see any other perspective and are easily upset when things don't go their way.

[Anonymous]

Familiarity breeds contempt

[Anonymous]

My MIL really dislikes me. I’m not the type of woman she had in mind for DH to marry. I just pretend everything is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well they're either nuts or addicts. That's why. One is in and out of mental institutions and the others are in and out or rehabs or still using. They guilt trip and only talk about themselves and never let anyone else speak, they only call when they need money...enoughs enough.

People still call other people nuts?

[Anonymous]

DH tolerates my mom, but is more than happy when I say he can sit out a visit with her. And I get it. My mom can be hard to get along with. She's very critical and makes it known. She overreacts to a lot of things. For instance, I said "are you coming for Thanksgiving this year?" and she was offended by that and said if I actually wanted her to come, I would have said "we'd like to have you for Thanksgiving".

She's been to therapy and has gotten a lot better over the years, but their relationship will always be strained. I don't really blame him.