Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up and still live in an UMC area but it’s in the Midwest so it’s not overly competitive but it does have excellent schools. What it does lack is diversity but I’m not willing to move to deal with that.

Racist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are currently raising our kids in a very competitive UMC community. There’s some racial diversity but next to no socioeconomic diversity. Top 1 percent ranked public school in the national, starting price for a modest house is 1.5-2n… it’s very much a bubble. Kids are extremely involved in extracurriculars across the board and it’s a very strong community. In many ways we are happy with it but I also have this nagging feeling maybe it’s not the answer for my family and my kids. I grew up in a small middle class town where everyone made the team in HS and college was expected but community college was okay too. It wasn’t a pressure cooker environment. We were just kids and had a lot of leisure time. I went on to private school in college and experienced the uber wealthy and those from much lower incomes in my social circle as well as a lot of diversity. I think I personally benefitted from it and do well with all kinds of people. We own a second home in a rural area. My kids are 6,8 and 9. I’m considering moving there where it’s a much simpler lifestyle and not so competitive. I would love to hear what people have to say about their own experiences.

I would be careful about that. Can you share what are is the rural? I would honestly worry about drug use and a sense of hopelessness. A sort of 'dumbing' down and that your daughters settle for a guy who isn't motivated or intellectual. You can always jump off the rat race in your competitive UMC community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up and still live in an UMC area but it’s in the Midwest so it’s not overly competitive but it does have excellent schools. What it does lack is diversity but I’m not willing to move to deal with that.

Racist

Please learn to love yourself, and also to include body content above your signature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are currently raising our kids in a very competitive UMC community. There’s some racial diversity but next to no socioeconomic diversity. Top 1 percent ranked public school in the national, starting price for a modest house is 1.5-2n… it’s very much a bubble. Kids are extremely involved in extracurriculars across the board and it’s a very strong community. In many ways we are happy with it but I also have this nagging feeling maybe it’s not the answer for my family and my kids. I grew up in a small middle class town where everyone made the team in HS and college was expected but community college was okay too. It wasn’t a pressure cooker environment. We were just kids and had a lot of leisure time. I went on to private school in college and experienced the uber wealthy and those from much lower incomes in my social circle as well as a lot of diversity. I think I personally benefitted from it and do well with all kinds of people. We own a second home in a rural area. My kids are 6,8 and 9. I’m considering moving there where it’s a much simpler lifestyle and not so competitive. I would love to hear what people have to say about their own experiences.

I would be careful about that. Can you share what are is the rural? I would honestly worry about drug use and a sense of hopelessness. A sort of 'dumbing' down and that your daughters settle for a guy who isn't motivated or intellectual. You can always jump off the rat race in your competitive UMC community.

What the hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up and still live in an UMC area but it’s in the Midwest so it’s not overly competitive but it does have excellent schools. What it does lack is diversity but I’m not willing to move to deal with that.

Racist

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is forcing anybody to "compete". If you feel you have to compete it is a you problem, not a them problem.

The people I know who have left this area because they wanted to raise their kids in a less competitive environment have seemed insecure to me. Instead of being happy with their home, they wanted bigger, nicer homes for less money. Felt obviously insecure if their snowflake wasn't the best on the team or the smartest in the class.

I don't feel like I have to compete at all. But I get tired of hearing people talk about it. I don't feel like sending my kids to enrichment and having tutors and doing resume building things at age 5. I also don't feel like listening to you talk about Kumon. So yeah, the competitive nature of the DC area can be annoying even if you're not competing to try to keep up with those people.

As for your second comment, either that's true of the people you know or you didn't know them like you thought they did. The people who have moved to our city from DC or other bigger cities didn't do it because they were insecure. In fact, the opposite was true. And none of us care about our kids being on the best team or the smartest in their class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is forcing anybody to "compete". If you feel you have to compete it is a you problem, not a them problem.

The people I know who have left this area because they wanted to raise their kids in a less competitive environment have seemed insecure to me. Instead of being happy with their home, they wanted bigger, nicer homes for less money. Felt obviously insecure if their snowflake wasn't the best on the team or the smartest in the class.

This

Thanks for reminding me why I don't miss DC!

[Anonymous]

I reach the same conclusion every time I read one of these threads, which is that you all need better friends. It's not where you live - its who you choose to spend your time with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reach the same conclusion every time I read one of these threads, which is that you all need better friends. It's not where you live - its who you choose to spend your time with.

+1 I haven't experienced this. I have one in college and a HS senior. I think it's friends AND mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reach the same conclusion every time I read one of these threads, which is that you all need better friends. It's not where you live - its who you choose to spend your time with.

Gosh I am having the same thought. I live in one of the close-in suburbs people are talking about and I truly do not relate. Our friensd and neighbors are all very chill, none of this "one upping" as one poster said. It just doesn't reflect my reality. I know once my kids are in high school, there is some competitiveness with grades and colleges that seems hard to escape. I worry about that competitiveness that I hear about, but so far I find our neighbors and friends from kids schools to be kind, generous, reasonable, and mostly normal folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I reach the same conclusion every time I read one of these threads, which is that you all need better friends. It's not where you live - its who you choose to spend your time with.

Gosh I am having the same thought. I live in one of the close-in suburbs people are talking about and I truly do not relate. Our friensd and neighbors are all very chill, none of this "one upping" as one poster said. It just doesn't reflect my reality. I know once my kids are in high school, there is some competitiveness with grades and colleges that seems hard to escape. I worry about that competitiveness that I hear about, but so far I find our neighbors and friends from kids schools to be kind, generous, reasonable, and mostly normal folks.

Also I lived in the midwest for most of my 20s so it isn't like I don't have a sense of that. I agree, it has more chill vibes in some ways overall. But my friends are just as kind and generous here, our community is solid. I just don't see the shallow, hypercompetitiveness in our friends.

[Anonymous]

The crazy competitiveness is largely driven by college applications. If you are set on particular college, the pressure will be everywhere you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is forcing anybody to "compete". If you feel you have to compete it is a you problem, not a them problem.

The people I know who have left this area because they wanted to raise their kids in a less competitive environment have seemed insecure to me. Instead of being happy with their home, they wanted bigger, nicer homes for less money. Felt obviously insecure if their snowflake wasn't the best on the team or the smartest in the class.

This

Thanks for reminding me why I don't miss DC!

Bye Felicia. Your kids are average wherever they may roam

[Anonymous]

Insecurity cha cha cha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you people complaining of the hyper competitiveness just need to move a little further out/into less affluent areas right here in the DC metro. What do you expect if you live in Arlington, McLean, Bethesda, Falls Church, even Vienna? There's a lot of money in those places. If you go just a little further out/less affluent you will still get some competitiveness but it will be mixed with more middle class and down to earth people. You don't have to move out of the area entirely. And also did you not know what you were signing up for when you decided you wanted the nice house very close to a major city? Of course it's a bunch of rich people who value superficial things and look down on others.

+1.

Competition based on cars, clothes and Starbucks (WTF!) does not happen in Rockville, MD.

Weird. Because it 100% happens in Kentlands and Lakelands (Gaithersburg) which is even further out.

Kentlands and Lakelands are way wealthier than "Rockville". I have not experienced this with my kids in Bethesda though. My guess is friend group plays an important role in whether your kids care about this stuff.

Yes. I as just countering the suggestion to “move farther out” as a solution to this issue.