Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

[Anonymous]

As long as it's not too much of a bubble, I'm fine with it.

I chose to live close to downtown Bethesda, where the neighborhood kids are split 50/50 between public and private schools, because of its international diversity and relative safety (which means high income).

We are a highly-educated international family, and we are looking for that open-mindedness and appreciation of different cultures, in a context where people have the means to be open-minded. Yes, there's a lot of academic competition, but there's also a lot of support and accommodations for children with special needs (we have a child with SN), so we don't feel that children are badly-served by such an atmosphere.

So it works for us. I would hate to be in a wealthy bubble with a crushingly dominant ethnicity and culture.

[Anonymous]

Hard no for me. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life but I feel stuck as they are settled and reasonably happy in MS/HS. But I hate the arms race mentality all around me. Can’t wait to leave. 5.5 more years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard no for me. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life but I feel stuck as they are settled and reasonably happy in MS/HS. But I hate the arms race mentality all around me. Can’t wait to leave. 5.5 more years.

+1 DH and I are both highly educated and "accomplished," but the pressure on kids is so much worse now. I hate this area.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hard no for me. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life but I feel stuck as they are settled and reasonably happy in MS/HS. But I hate the arms race mentality all around me. Can’t wait to leave. 5.5 more years. [/quote]


+1 DH and I are both highly educated and "accomplished," but the pressure on kids is so much worse now. I hate this area.[/quote]

Then leave fool

[Anonymous]

Our kids did well in the "rat race" of this type of high pressure public school environment. When they were early elementary (so I guess at that point we knew they were NT and understood the basics of their personalities), we intentionally moved to a competitive pyramid to take advantage of the schools. I don't regret it at all and have been happy with their college outcomes. We knew what we were getting into as we grew up in this type of environment and don't earn enough to send kids to expensive private schools. It was kind of a "the devil you know" choice, but it worked out for our family. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids did well in the "rat race" of this type of high pressure public school environment. When they were early elementary (so I guess at that point we knew they were NT and understood the basics of their personalities), we intentionally moved to a competitive pyramid to take advantage of the schools. I don't regret it at all and have been happy with their college outcomes. We knew what we were getting into as we grew up in this type of environment and don't earn enough to send kids to expensive private schools. It was kind of a "the devil you know" choice, but it worked out for our family. YMMV.

+1.

Every child is different. I guess we all hope to have a child that thrives in the environment we find ourselves in. The potential issue with moving is that one of the children might have thrived in a "pressure cooker" environment.

I grew up in a similar environment to the above, and I did not feel any pressure. My 11 year old looks forward to tests and competitive extracurricular events, so she feels even less pressure than I did. Perhaps that will change as she grows older.

The only pressure my siblings felt was pressure competing with me even though our parents never compared us to each other. No school would have made them feel better, and we were even in different schools at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard no for me. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life but I feel stuck as they are settled and reasonably happy in MS/HS. But I hate the arms race mentality all around me. Can’t wait to leave. 5.5 more years.

+1 exact same here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stopped and moved. We didn't like how shallow everyone was and how much everyone thought every little thing meant something huge. So much happier now.

X1000000

This sums the DMV area up well.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

First of all, peer pressure exists everywhere, UMC communities, poor communities, cities, suburbs, rural communities. Second of all, if this is what you think these are the values of competitive UMC communities, then that is on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Yes, I despise this culture and it seems to be ubiquitous in all the DMV affluent areas. So shallow and boring, producing so many vapid and uber-spoiled kids.

[Anonymous]

No. I have good friend in the Midwest (average suburb outside a midsized city, so not small town). Her kids’ high school experience seems so much nicer than around here. They have all kinds of activities at school, the kids seem more social and kinder, and there’s no shame in aiming to go to college at some place like Wisconsin or Iowa. Just seems like a much better experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living. Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.

Interesting. I really dislike/reject the pervasive idea that if my teen isn't decked out head to toe in Lululemon with regular hair highlights and a $50/week Starbucks habit that there is some wrong/lacking in our family. IYKYK.

Same. I value education and hard work, but I do not value the competitive social environment here where people (including kids) are constantly evaluated for having more or better or anything -- clothes, vacations, cars, homes, access to powerful people, you name it. It's toxic and exhausting.

We're letting our kid finish out elementary here because she's doing well at that school and it allows us to make some long term plans regarding our careers. But we're moving for middle school, out of the DMV altogether. I literally have a countdown on my phone to the day we list our house for sale, and we already know the city we're moving to and the likely neighborhood we'll be in. Good schools and lots of other features we like, but we have friends and family there and it's nothing like the toxicity of this area.

[Anonymous]

Then move you won’t be missed