Visiting family - Prayers before meals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

" Rub a dub! dub!"
"Thanks for the grub!"
" Yaaaaay God!"

My uncle, a retired Catholic priest, has been known to use this prayer before meals when other family members make a BIG DEAL out of having a priest at the dinner table.

He’s not a fan of performative prayer.

Saying grace at thanksgiving is performative?

Maybe op having anxiety over family saying grace is performative.

DP, no, that's not his point. PP referenced the vanity of the host; pride in having a priest at the meal makes the prayer performative.

Most Catholics aren't fans of performative prayer. I like this quote from Pope Francis: "The Lord tells us: the first task in life is this: prayer. But not the prayer of words like a parrot, but the prayer of the heart, gazing on the Lord, hearing the Lord, asking the Lord."

Prayer is too often turned into something other than prayer. In PP's Thanksgiving example, the host made a "BIG DEAL" over the priest giving grace, which tuned grace into an act of vanity. The priest countered that by offering a humble blessing. In a public place shared by others like a restaurant, a humble, silent prayer is just as good for the earnest believer; there is no need to hold a public prayer meeting at Burger King. The louder and more publicly disruptive you are, the more your prayer risks being something else: vanity, proselytizing, pretense, hypocrisy.

A prayer with family over a meal is an act of vanity?


Christians have a long tradition of pausing and thanking God before eating a meal. It’s so common that sometimes we can slide into and out of our prayer without much thought.

It’s humbling to say, “thank you.” To give thanks before eating is an act of expressing gratitude.

In the life of Jesus, we see him regularly stopping to thank God for providing food. He prays before the feeding of the 5,000 (Matt. 14:19). He prays before the Last Supper (Matt. 26:26–29).

Are you a Christian, pp?

DP. Of course Christians should pray. But Jesus also said this (Matthew 6:5):

International Version
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

troll alert 🚨

More like you're a troll who wants to argue about scripture about prayers. The bible quote literally references how it can be "performative", why is that an issue for you?

Why do you think you are the expert on how other people pray? You aren’t, at all. Mind your own business; you have no right to tell others how/when/why/where to pray.

So you'd rather go against the bible than admit some prayer is performative?

[Anonymous]

They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

" Rub a dub! dub!"
"Thanks for the grub!"
" Yaaaaay God!"

My uncle, a retired Catholic priest, has been known to use this prayer before meals when other family members make a BIG DEAL out of having a priest at the dinner table.

He’s not a fan of performative prayer.

Saying grace at thanksgiving is performative?

Maybe op having anxiety over family saying grace is performative.

DP, no, that's not his point. PP referenced the vanity of the host; pride in having a priest at the meal makes the prayer performative.

Most Catholics aren't fans of performative prayer. I like this quote from Pope Francis: "The Lord tells us: the first task in life is this: prayer. But not the prayer of words like a parrot, but the prayer of the heart, gazing on the Lord, hearing the Lord, asking the Lord."

Prayer is too often turned into something other than prayer. In PP's Thanksgiving example, the host made a "BIG DEAL" over the priest giving grace, which tuned grace into an act of vanity. The priest countered that by offering a humble blessing. In a public place shared by others like a restaurant, a humble, silent prayer is just as good for the earnest believer; there is no need to hold a public prayer meeting at Burger King. The louder and more publicly disruptive you are, the more your prayer risks being something else: vanity, proselytizing, pretense, hypocrisy.

A prayer with family over a meal is an act of vanity?


Christians have a long tradition of pausing and thanking God before eating a meal. It’s so common that sometimes we can slide into and out of our prayer without much thought.

It’s humbling to say, “thank you.” To give thanks before eating is an act of expressing gratitude.

In the life of Jesus, we see him regularly stopping to thank God for providing food. He prays before the feeding of the 5,000 (Matt. 14:19). He prays before the Last Supper (Matt. 26:26–29).

Are you a Christian, pp?

DP. Of course Christians should pray. But Jesus also said this (Matthew 6:5):

International Version
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

troll alert 🚨

More like you're a troll who wants to argue about scripture about prayers. The bible quote literally references how it can be "performative", why is that an issue for you?

Why do you think you are the expert on how other people pray? You aren’t, at all. Mind your own business; you have no right to tell others how/when/why/where to pray.

But PP DOES have a right to have an opinion on it, no?

What is the point and reason pp has an opinion on other people praying?

What is the reason pp has to judge other people for their religious beliefs?

What are your religious beliefs?

Answer the question asked, and then you will get answers to yours.

Does PP have the right to have an opinion on it?

why does pp (who isn’t a Christian, probably) have such strong emotions and opinions about people practicing their religious beliefs? I thought atheism was just a disbelief in God, nothing more?

Why does pp care what others do?

Astoundingly, I guess I need to repeat:

Answer the question asked, and then you will get answers to yours.

Does PP have the right to have an opinion on it?

Yes, people have a right to judge others, but why they take the time to do so shows they have issues with control and respect. People practicing their religion have every right to do so; it’s explicitly stated in our fundamental foundational documents we have that right. Why does pp’s opinion contradict that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Yes, op is the center of everyone’s life. 🤡

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

OP is talking about how these people also take over her home to proselytize. Do you always cherry pick/obtusely respond to try and make your point? Or is that limited to religion only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

it literally says "someone elses home" ?? What part are you misunderstanding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

OP is talking about how these people also take over her home to proselytize. Do you always cherry pick/obtusely respond to try and make your point? Or is that limited to religion only?

when was the last post op posted or responded to? can you point that out, because I can’t find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH’s family is pretty religious. The time I feel the most uncomfortable with it is during prayers before meals. No matter where we are - restaurant, one of their homes, standing at a party - people will join hands and one of them will make up a prayer. It is usually pretty involved and lengthy, custom made each time to fit the situation. They often pray for us (the visiting family), whoever else they know that might need support, etc. If at our house or a restaurant, they also circle up and hold hands and pray. Sometimes the prayers are quite fervent in nature. Sometimes they feel quite hypocritical and awkward if, say, someone decides that that is the time to beg God’s forgiveness for something they’ve done wrong.

I understand that this ritual is very important to them.

I am not religious by any stretch of the imagination and I don’t have particularly good experiences with religion. I don’t particularly want to hold peoples hands, bow my head, and lower my eyes while they pray their prayers. It is awkward and doesn’t feel right to me. And gets more so every with every holiday and other family gathering.

Do I continue to hold hands and lower my head and eyes in deference to what they’re doing - I don’t know why, actually, heads are lowered - and just keep feeling uncomfortable on so many levels?

My question is for both religious and non religious folks, I suppose: do I continue to feel awkward for the rest of my life and hold hands while they pray? Is there a way to kindly and respectfully opt out without causing an issue? I did excuse myself once for the restroom as they were gathering and when I returned, the entire group of 15 or so were waiting on me so they could pray before putting food on their plates.

Obviously not a hill to die on, but I dread it before we head down there. And dread it prior to each meal. I don’t know why it causes me such anxiety, but it does.

OP I could have written this. + It feels like I am complacent in something I really disagree with. Just…know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with this. It’s a form of bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

OP is talking about how these people also take over her home to proselytize. Do you always cherry pick/obtusely respond to try and make your point? Or is that limited to religion only?

DP. They aren’t proselytizing, they’re praying. Learn the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH’s family is pretty religious. The time I feel the most uncomfortable with it is during prayers before meals. No matter where we are - restaurant, one of their homes, standing at a party - people will join hands and one of them will make up a prayer. It is usually pretty involved and lengthy, custom made each time to fit the situation. They often pray for us (the visiting family), whoever else they know that might need support, etc. If at our house or a restaurant, they also circle up and hold hands and pray. Sometimes the prayers are quite fervent in nature. Sometimes they feel quite hypocritical and awkward if, say, someone decides that that is the time to beg God’s forgiveness for something they’ve done wrong.

I understand that this ritual is very important to them.

I am not religious by any stretch of the imagination and I don’t have particularly good experiences with religion. I don’t particularly want to hold peoples hands, bow my head, and lower my eyes while they pray their prayers. It is awkward and doesn’t feel right to me. And gets more so every with every holiday and other family gathering.

Do I continue to hold hands and lower my head and eyes in deference to what they’re doing - I don’t know why, actually, heads are lowered - and just keep feeling uncomfortable on so many levels?

My question is for both religious and non religious folks, I suppose: do I continue to feel awkward for the rest of my life and hold hands while they pray? Is there a way to kindly and respectfully opt out without causing an issue? I did excuse myself once for the restroom as they were gathering and when I returned, the entire group of 15 or so were waiting on me so they could pray before putting food on their plates.

Obviously not a hill to die on, but I dread it before we head down there. And dread it prior to each meal. I don’t know why it causes me such anxiety, but it does.

OP I could have written this. + It feels like I am complacent in something I really disagree with. Just…know you are not alone.

I am op and I have changed my mind. I am going to pray- just go along to get along. Thanks, everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are doing it for you, most likely. You don't need to be in any circle, it seems inappropriate to assume everyone would join in.

Many people like this don't GAF if you don't follow/believe and think they can push their religion on anyone they want...But yes, highly inappropriate, especially in someone elses home.

I thought the hosts had the right to pray in their own homes? Now you are saying a host praying in their own home is pushing religion?

OP is talking about how these people also take over her home to proselytize. Do you always cherry pick/obtusely respond to try and make your point? Or is that limited to religion only?

when was the last post op posted or responded to? can you point that out, because I can’t find it.

It's in the first paragraph.

"If at our house or a restaurant, they also circle up and hold hands and pray."

[Anonymous]

When someone drones on and on while the food gets cold it’s performative. My FIL used to do this because his entire persona when family was around was being the patriarch and he expected everyone to fawn over him.