Visiting family - Prayers before meals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

This is nuts. If you feel compelled to discuss any of these, don’t try to wedge them *in place of* their grace. I wouldn’t even raise politics of any kind until after the meal is over, unless they do, in which case of course you should say what you personally believe.

I say this as someone who is sympathetic to the issues you mentioned.

When inside OP’s home it’s her rules. Guests need to be gracious enough to accept this. It seems her ILs could give a rat’s a$$ about her by forcing her to do something she doesn’t believe.

So your “rules” are to force the absolute toughest conversations about abortion and Palestine before the meal has even started. If so, I pity your friends and family. And I say that as someone who’s always ready to bash the settlers or the Supreme Court.

You’re still nuts or a troll, it could go either way.

Please her in-laws are forcing their beliefs and religion on OP and her family. It’s a two way street. Guests (particularly religious ones) don’t get to dictate the actions of others or force people to act outside of their conscience INSIDE SOMEONE ELSE’s HOME!

Please, we all understand the OP's problem. But solving this by announcing that abortion will be the dinner topic is batshit. Unless she wants to alienate her ILs permanently. And nobody is forcing their beliefs on OP, because they surely already know she's thinking of anything but God during the prayer.

Most of us spend the holidays ignoring a range of stuff from Uncle Billy bragging about his job to mom's criticism. For well-balanced people, ignoring stuff and showing a little tolerance shouldn't cause extreme anxiety.

PP's are right, show some tolerance, bow your head, and silently plan your next (relative-free) vacation.

You're a troll, it's settled.

I never said make anything the topic of supper conversation. I listed topics that may work for reflecting upon in lieu of prayer which OP doesn’t like. Given the state of the world, I think my suggestions were appropriate. There’s a thousand other topics as well. I also said when visiting ILs OP should follow their rules. Tolerance is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty anti-religion but I don’t have any problem doing this when evangelical family is visiting. It doesn’t hurt me and I don’t feel I’m “endorsing” anything. It’s just basic respect to guests or hosts. No different than I would bow in Japan or kiss three times or whatever.

My problem would come in with the lengthy prayer. At someone else's house, they could keep it short.

Op, talk to your husband about him saying grace. A short one. Head of the household and all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

This is nuts. If you feel compelled to discuss any of these, don’t try to wedge them *in place of* their grace. I wouldn’t even raise politics of any kind until after the meal is over, unless they do, in which case of course you should say what you personally believe.

I say this as someone who is sympathetic to the issues you mentioned.

When inside OP’s home it’s her rules. Guests need to be gracious enough to accept this. It seems her ILs could give a rat’s a$$ about her by forcing her to do something she doesn’t believe.

So your “rules” are to force the absolute toughest conversations about abortion and Palestine before the meal has even started. If so, I pity your friends and family. And I say that as someone who’s always ready to bash the settlers or the Supreme Court.

You’re still nuts or a troll, it could go either way.

Please her in-laws are forcing their beliefs and religion on OP and her family. It’s a two way street. Guests (particularly religious ones) don’t get to dictate the actions of others or force people to act outside of their conscience INSIDE SOMEONE ELSE’s HOME!

Please, we all understand the OP's problem. But solving this by announcing that abortion will be the dinner topic is batshit. Unless she wants to alienate her ILs permanently. And nobody is forcing their beliefs on OP, because they surely already know she's thinking of anything but God during the prayer.

Most of us spend the holidays ignoring a range of stuff from Uncle Billy bragging about his job to mom's criticism. For well-balanced people, ignoring stuff and showing a little tolerance shouldn't cause extreme anxiety.

PP's are right, show some tolerance, bow your head, and silently plan your next (relative-free) vacation.

You're a troll, it's settled.

I never said make anything the topic of supper conversation. I listed topics that may work for reflecting upon in lieu of prayer which OP doesn’t like. Given the state of the world, I think my suggestions were appropriate. There’s a thousand other topics as well. I also said when visiting ILs OP should follow their rules. Tolerance is a two way street.

Go away, troll. Asking them to “reflect” on abortion is exactly the same as announcing it will be dinner’s topic.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s respectful and not weird to bow your head and hold hands especially if it’s a family tradition. But since this is your house, and it bothers you so much, can you take the lead on this end? Say a quick prayer?

My mom is very faithful and religious and prays similar to what you described. It goes on much longer than we like. She prays for everybody and everything under the sun. So what we started doing is my husband would take the lead on the prayer. It is a lovely and respectful prayer but much much shorter. The first few times you can see my mom’s reaction at the brevity of the prayer but I think she’s gotten used to it. Sometime she’ll tag on a quick extra prayer but believe me, it’s so much better than her sermon prayers.

[Anonymous]

I dont bow my head or close my eyes. I guess I'd hold hands but I'd feel uncomfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to believe what they believe, but this seems like an awful lot of consternation over a simple act. You know the phrase “go along to get along”? Do that.

[Anonymous]

Non-believer here, I respect the prayer by not beginning to eat, no eye rolls, no restless movements (if it goes on for awhile); but I don't bow my head/close my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Injecting politics into religion always goes so well. /s/

Seriously the only thing that could make this lengthy prayer more awkward and uncomfortable is choosing an intensely controversial theme. Well done.

Yeah, that was preposterous! :lol:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

Pp was trolling. Of course many of us religious folks are pro-choice and concerned about life in both Gaza and Israel. But it wouldn’t be a good troll if she didn’t try to offend in as many ways possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pick your battles. They’re your in laws. You don’t live with them and probably don’t see them every week. Just think about something else while your head is bowed in “prayer.”

No OP
You are an adult you don’t have to pray

I would not absolutely not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

It doesn’t presuppose anything except that OP doesn’t like praying with her in-laws. Instead of prayer why not join hands and ponder moral issues for a minute. Since genocide of Palestinians and reproductive rights are issues of morality it makes sense. Other posters were the ones acting as if OP’s in-laws were opposed to Palestine or reproductive choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

It doesn’t presuppose anything except that OP doesn’t like praying with her in-laws. Instead of prayer why not join hands and ponder moral issues for a minute. Since genocide of Palestinians and reproductive rights are issues of morality it makes sense. Other posters were the ones acting as if OP’s in-laws were opposed to Palestine or reproductive choice.

Nobody has said that silently pondering Palestine or reproductive rights is wrong.

Everybody is reacting to 7:08, who called for a big announcement when she wrote “You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick your battles. They’re your in laws. You don’t live with them and probably don’t see them every week. Just think about something else while your head is bowed in “prayer.”

No OP
You are an adult you don’t have to pray

I would not absolutely not

Nobody is asking OP to pray. They’re asking her to be respectful and not disrupt the prayers by stomping off or announcing that she’d rather talk about abortion. Learn the difference.

[Anonymous]

I grew up saying grace before meals: short and sweet. This elaborate show would be cringeworthy to me, except if I could see it as the time-honored ritual of an exotic tribe doomed to extinction. Try and visualize that, OP, and you’ll be in a more forgiving frame of mind…