WWYD? Being asked NOT to bring a new spouse and children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is invited. You can’t exclude your brothers wife and children. Your nephews are adults. They are welcome, and you would adore for them to come. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to disinvite your brothers wife.

They are adults and need to start acting like adults. Divorce and remarriage is really hard on kids. Holidays make it harder. But the answer is not to get involved in what is, in the end, their own petty hatred of their dads new wife.

My answer changes if his new wife abused these boys as teens or something of course. Abusers get disinvited.

She wasn't abusive but she expected acceptance and went out of her way to get them to like her. Expensive gifts, coming to their games, sending them food packages. She really wanted them to like her. She used to cry to our parents, "I do this and I do that, and nothing is ever good enough, they don't even say hello to me." She would also tell her kids to call them "brother and sisters" and they HATED it, it was so forced and awkward. These kids are tough, they do not budge. On the contrary, their mother is about to remarry and they are friendly with their future stepdad and his DS.

This is weird. Either the kids are very cruel and immature or she was the AP.

Or maybe their mom told them new wife was an AP.

Maybe she really was the AP and OP's brother is lying to his family about it.

My dad would probably tell you my mother has biased me against his new family. That's easier for him than accepting what's really true, which is that his new family brings a lot of problems with them and are annoying to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is invited. You can’t exclude your brothers wife and children. Your nephews are adults. They are welcome, and you would adore for them to come. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to disinvite your brothers wife.

They are adults and need to start acting like adults. Divorce and remarriage is really hard on kids. Holidays make it harder. But the answer is not to get involved in what is, in the end, their own petty hatred of their dads new wife.

My answer changes if his new wife abused these boys as teens or something of course. Abusers get disinvited.

She wasn't abusive but she expected acceptance and went out of her way to get them to like her. Expensive gifts, coming to their games, sending them food packages. She really wanted them to like her. She used to cry to our parents, "I do this and I do that, and nothing is ever good enough, they don't even say hello to me." She would also tell her kids to call them "brother and sisters" and they HATED it, it was so forced and awkward. These kids are tough, they do not budge. On the contrary, their mother is about to remarry and they are friendly with their future stepdad and his DS.

This is weird. Either the kids are very cruel and immature or she was the AP.

Or maybe their mom told them new wife was an AP.

Falsely, of course. Wouldn't surprise me.

IMO, the kids are immature and brain washed. The more OP posts, the more it seems both she and her former SIL are probably tag-teaming a campaign against the stepmom:

"She wasn't abusive but she expected acceptance and went out of her way to get them to like her. Expensive gifts, coming to their games, sending them food packages. She really wanted them to like her. She used to cry to our parents, "I do this and I do that, and nothing is ever good enough, they don't even say hello to me." She would also tell her kids to call them "brother and sisters" and they HATED it, it was so forced and awkward. These kids are tough, they do not budge. On the contrary, their mother is about to remarry and they are friendly with their future stepdad and his DS."

[Anonymous]

Well, maybe the ex-wife doesn't like the stepfamily because the stepfamily sucks, and the nephews don't like the stepfamily for the same reason. There's not necessarily any bias or influence or manipulation by the ex-wife going on here. Maybe they're just awful people and it's plain to see.

[Anonymous]

Invite them all and let them decide. Don't get involved in the dramatics.

[Anonymous]

Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

[Anonymous]

Invite everyone and let the chips fall where they may

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe the ex-wife doesn't like the stepfamily because the stepfamily sucks, and the nephews don't like the stepfamily for the same reason. There's not necessarily any bias or influence or manipulation by the ex-wife going on here. Maybe they're just awful people and it's plain to see.

And maybe the kids suck, are just awful people and it's plain to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe the ex-wife doesn't like the stepfamily because the stepfamily sucks, and the nephews don't like the stepfamily for the same reason. There's not necessarily any bias or influence or manipulation by the ex-wife going on here. Maybe they're just awful people and it's plain to see.

And maybe the kids suck, are just awful people and it's plain to see.

That is also totally possible, but it's not the question the OP asked.

I say etiquette requires inviting them all, but the hosts should be on their guard in case there is a real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

The best advice ever imparted on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

Maybe blended families suck. Women with kids should not marry men with kids and then pretend they are going to be the next Brady Bunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe the ex-wife doesn't like the stepfamily because the stepfamily sucks, and the nephews don't like the stepfamily for the same reason. There's not necessarily any bias or influence or manipulation by the ex-wife going on here. Maybe they're just awful people and it's plain to see.

And maybe the kids suck, are just awful people and it's plain to see.

It's weird someone would want to marry a father who raised such awful children and would want her own kids around someone like that. Very strange indeed.

[Anonymous]

What does OP’s brother say? Does he know the kids have issued the ultimatum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to "for better or worse" ?

"But not for Thanksgiving"

Also, children don't take marriage vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

Maybe blended families suck. Women with kids should not marry men with kids and then pretend they are going to be the next Brady Bunch.

I’d agree with you , actually, when young kids are involved. But at what point is an adult “allowed” to find a life partner for middle/ old age? Surely when all children involved are ADULTS should be a fair time. I mean at some point, life moves on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to "for better or worse" ?

"But not for Thanksgiving"

Also, children don't take marriage vows.

Also, no one divorces their children.