WWYD? Being asked NOT to bring a new spouse and children

[Anonymous]

This is why I will never remarry.

[Anonymous]

Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does OP’s brother say? Does he know the kids have issued the ultimatum?

I don't think it is an ultimatum. They just said they weren't planning to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

Their dad will likely leave all of his money to his new wife and kids so he should probably expect very little of his first family. They can see the writing on the wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

I think their hope was that he would marry someone they like better, with no kids or with kids they are more compatible with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

Maybe blended families suck. Women with kids should not marry men with kids and then pretend they are going to be the next Brady Bunch.

I’d agree with you , actually, when young kids are involved. But at what point is an adult “allowed” to find a life partner for middle/ old age? Surely when all children involved are ADULTS should be a fair time. I mean at some point, life moves on!

They are allowed to move on, but from one woman to another, don't marry a man with kids, regardless of the kids' ages. With re to the kids, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The experience is nothing short of miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likewise, If the stepmom showed complete disinterest in the kids, never went out of her way for them, never gave them a gift for anything, never got involved in their activities, never showed any gestures of kindness ...

Of course, she'd be bashed for that, too.

Word of warning to all women: DO NOT marry a man who has children, no matter how old they are!

Maybe blended families suck. Women with kids should not marry men with kids and then pretend they are going to be the next Brady Bunch.

I’d agree with you , actually, when young kids are involved. But at what point is an adult “allowed” to find a life partner for middle/ old age? Surely when all children involved are ADULTS should be a fair time. I mean at some point, life moves on!

They are allowed to do that at any time. But the fact remains that if you marry someone who's annoying and/or has children, other people might not like to spend time with them. That's just the way it goes. They'll move on.

It's not clear to me that all the children are adults-- it seems like maybe the step kids are younger. And if the youngest nephew is 19, he's only very recently an adult, and the divorce was 5 years ago, he probably wasn't an adult at the time of the second marriage. He might have been forced to cohabit with them when he was only 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

I think their hope was that he would marry someone they like better, with no kids or with kids they are more compatible with.

And that’s fair. We all grieve things in our lives that don’t happen the way we want them to. Especially a big one like your dads new wife. And these adult kids are young and immature so they’re venting to their cousins saying childish stuff like “if dads wife comes, I’m not going!” But most likely, in reality, they will move on and behave like normal people and not boycott thanksgiving over something pretty routine like dad re marrying, once they’re adults and out of the house. Like this is small potatoes in terms of “family trauma”. They’ll be ok. The real issue here is OP reading her own college aged kids texts with their cousins. Doesn’t sound like the adult kids have actually threatened to boycott thanksgiving, so, this is a big nothingburger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

I think their hope was that he would marry someone they like better, with no kids or with kids they are more compatible with.

And that’s fair. We all grieve things in our lives that don’t happen the way we want them to. Especially a big one like your dads new wife. And these adult kids are young and immature so they’re venting to their cousins saying childish stuff like “if dads wife comes, I’m not going!” But most likely, in reality, they will move on and behave like normal people and not boycott thanksgiving over something pretty routine like dad re marrying, once they’re adults and out of the house. Like this is small potatoes in terms of “family trauma”. They’ll be ok. The real issue here is OP reading her own college aged kids texts with their cousins. Doesn’t sound like the adult kids have actually threatened to boycott thanksgiving, so, this is a big nothingburger

They will probably just go have Thanksgiving with their mom. I wonder what they have done in the past and why this is an issue this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

I think their hope was that he would marry someone they like better, with no kids or with kids they are more compatible with.

And that’s fair. We all grieve things in our lives that don’t happen the way we want them to. Especially a big one like your dads new wife. And these adult kids are young and immature so they’re venting to their cousins saying childish stuff like “if dads wife comes, I’m not going!” But most likely, in reality, they will move on and behave like normal people and not boycott thanksgiving over something pretty routine like dad re marrying, once they’re adults and out of the house. Like this is small potatoes in terms of “family trauma”. They’ll be ok. The real issue here is OP reading her own college aged kids texts with their cousins. Doesn’t sound like the adult kids have actually threatened to boycott thanksgiving, so, this is a big nothingburger

If their dad can get divorced, showing everyone he thinks family relationships are optional, then they can skip Thanksgiving. They're not married to Thanksgiving. None of this was their idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is invited. You can’t exclude your brothers wife and children. Your nephews are adults. They are welcome, and you would adore for them to come. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to disinvite your brothers wife.

They are adults and need to start acting like adults. Divorce and remarriage is really hard on kids. Holidays make it harder. But the answer is not to get involved in what is, in the end, their own petty hatred of their dads new wife.

My answer changes if his new wife abused these boys as teens or something of course. Abusers get disinvited.

OP says nieces and nephew. Why are you assuming they are all boys? Sounds like at least 2 girls, 1 boy.

[Anonymous]

It’s really between the dad and his kids. Not you, not the grandparents. You invite all and they make their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is invited. You can’t exclude your brothers wife and children. Your nephews are adults. They are welcome, and you would adore for them to come. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to disinvite your brothers wife.

They are adults and need to start acting like adults. Divorce and remarriage is really hard on kids. Holidays make it harder. But the answer is not to get involved in what is, in the end, their own petty hatred of their dads new wife.

My answer changes if his new wife abused these boys as teens or something of course. Abusers get disinvited.

OP says nieces and nephew. Why are you assuming they are all boys? Sounds like at least 2 girls, 1 boy.

Oh youre right. But it doesn't really change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these kids expect their father to live as a single man for the rest of his life? Are they going to provide his elder care? His companionship? Or are they going to get married and have kids of their own? They need to let there( 50ish?) yesr old parents live their lives.

I think their hope was that he would marry someone they like better, with no kids or with kids they are more compatible with.

And that’s fair. We all grieve things in our lives that don’t happen the way we want them to. Especially a big one like your dads new wife. And these adult kids are young and immature so they’re venting to their cousins saying childish stuff like “if dads wife comes, I’m not going!” But most likely, in reality, they will move on and behave like normal people and not boycott thanksgiving over something pretty routine like dad re marrying, once they’re adults and out of the house. Like this is small potatoes in terms of “family trauma”. They’ll be ok. The real issue here is OP reading her own college aged kids texts with their cousins. Doesn’t sound like the adult kids have actually threatened to boycott thanksgiving, so, this is a big nothingburger

If their dad can get divorced, showing everyone he thinks family relationships are optional, then they can skip Thanksgiving. They're not married to Thanksgiving. None of this was their idea.

Sure they can skip it. That will show their dad!

Super healthy dynamics. Skip a holiday to teach your parent a lesson.

Again/ the kids have what, vented to their cousins about it and that’s it? Why is OP wringing her hands.

[Anonymous]

Maybe one of the stepkids is staring at your niece's chest. You really have no idea what is going on in this situation and who is right or wrong.