How to handle? Tough-to-coach kid with a family tragedy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god people. How would you want your adolescent child treated if you dropped dead next week?

I think my kids would play even worse than they already are if I drop dead, and I've always been very pragmatic and logical and verbalized my thinking, so they'd understand not making the cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. We are talking about a young child who recently lost her mother. Middle school is hard enough as is, but to lose your mother, and be cut from a team you have played on for many years. Please, treat her as you would like your kid to be treated, and keep her on the team this year. You will never know, but it could make all the difference in her life.

Or maybe she hates basketball and she can't believe she's being forced to play even when she's miserable about her mom. We don't know. The coach should talk to her. "You don't seem to be improving. Do you WANT to continue playing? Because if not, we can make you team manager, or I am happy to talk to your father for you."

Some of you will go to great lengths to justify your heartlessness. Parents don’t force a lackluster kid to keep at a sport for years, let alone after a parent’s death.

Parents force kids to play sports they aren’t that great at all the time.

Seriously, I know this is a tangent, but this happens all.the.time. In fact many of the uncoachable and difficult kids are acting out because they don’t want to be there but their parents are forcing them. My kid had someone like this on their team last year and it sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth sports with 11 year olds. Unless these kids are training for the Olympics you don't cut this kid. Other deserving kid can find a spot on a different team. JFC - this is not hard.

But what if the other kid is too discouraged or their parents don’t allow them find a spot on another team?

I hope the kids two still alive parents can help them figure it out.

Well, why are we assuming that this other kid has two alive involved parents? We don’t know the circumstances of the other child’s family life and how not getting a spot would affect them and their family.

[Anonymous]

It's simple: if your DH advocated for her and the "powers that be" decide to cut her, I'd suggest he inform them that they need to find a new coach.

Assuming she makes the team, I'd look at this as the coaching challenge of a lifetime to BE the coach that transforms her to coachable. Every kid is coachable; the challenge is figuring out what that looks like for this young girl. Not saying it will be easy, but these are the opportunities to leave a meaningful legacy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth sports with 11 year olds. Unless these kids are training for the Olympics you don't cut this kid. Other deserving kid can find a spot on a different team. JFC - this is not hard.

But what if the other kid is too discouraged or their parents don’t allow them find a spot on another team?

I hope the kids two still alive parents can help them figure it out.

Well, why are we assuming that this other kid has two alive involved parents? We don’t know the circumstances of the other child’s family life and how not getting a spot would affect them and their family.

Keep moving those goal posts! You’re almost there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The clear answer is just make a freaking extra spot on the roster. It's not the Olympics. It's 6th grade. You can make an extra spot.

+1

[Anonymous]

What you should do is line up all the girls trying out and get their full personal stories. Because without that, this is a dumb way to make a decision.

Being somewhat sarcastic but the point is you don’t know if the kid who you cut to make the spot for this other girl isn’t going through a divorce at home, sexual abuse at home. Anything.

This is just a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

It’s 11 year old playing sports and some
of you take ECs way too seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life isn’t a meritocracy. Let’s stop pretending that Daddy ball is either.

Yup. Maybe this is why it’s getting these messed up reactions. Bc some on DCUM really want to believe life is a meritocracy and the only reason they are typing away from their McMansions.

[Anonymous]

So many contortions from people trying to rationalize cutting this eleven-year-old from the team. Youth sports can be a pathetic, competitive and self-absorbed world.

My mother died, after two years of living with cancer, when I was in high school. Knowing that other adults were looking out for me in the aftermath meant the world to me -- even if I was a sulky, not-particularly-appreciative teen at times. It sounds like your DH knows making/keeping a roster spot for this girl is the right thing to do for her this season, I hope it works out.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is pretty much an argument against competition of any kind. Many kids get cut from sports and other competitive activities all the time who have gone through trauma and might really need the activity. By the way that could be the richest kid on the block with two parents. His or her home life could be a hell hole with an alcoholic or abusive and the team was the thing that kept him going.

You all need to stop making yourself judge and jury.

It’s not either/or. You don’t have to cut her and never talk to her again or keep her in the team and ax some other kid. Show her kindness no matter what. But people have already told you that and given you good options to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

I didn't realize Putin read DCUM.

Oh, grow up.

DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

Are you always this absurdly melodramatic, or only on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. We are talking about a young child who recently lost her mother. Middle school is hard enough as is, but to lose your mother, and be cut from a team you have played on for many years. Please, treat her as you would like your kid to be treated, and keep her on the team this year. You will never know, but it could make all the difference in her life.

Or maybe she hates basketball and she can't believe she's being forced to play even when she's miserable about her mom. We don't know. The coach should talk to her. "You don't seem to be improving. Do you WANT to continue playing? Because if not, we can make you team manager, or I am happy to talk to your father for you."

Some of you will go to great lengths to justify your heartlessness. Parents don’t force a lackluster kid to keep at a sport for years, let alone after a parent’s death.

LOLOLOLOL. Oh, you sweet summer child.

[Anonymous]

I’d have a conversation with her dad about this. “John, as you know, the team will be moving to a higher competitive level this season. We love having Larla on the team, but are on the fence whether it would be best for her to move up with this team, or drop back to Team X. Her xyz skills could use additional work and she seems frustrated at times. On Team X, she would likely see much more playing time to work on these skills, which could be to her benefit. However, we also recognize that with Susan’s recent passing, Larla may struggle with a change in teams. What are your thoughts?”

Or similar. I’m sure someone can come up with better phrasing.

See what the Dad has to say. He knows his daughter better than anyone else.