How to handle? Tough-to-coach kid with a family tragedy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you should do is line up all the girls trying out and get their full personal stories. Because without that, this is a dumb way to make a decision.

Being somewhat sarcastic but the point is you don’t know if the kid who you cut to make the spot for this other girl isn’t going through a divorce at home, sexual abuse at home. Anything.

This is just a slippery slope.

Yeah, if you don't cut the 11 yo whose mother just died, yu may find yourself knowing about what happens in the lives of your *other* players and perhaps being kind to them. You might even think of them as middle school kids, and not only as athletes. Where would it end?

In related news, you are a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My god people. How would you want your adolescent child treated if you dropped dead next week?

I think my kids would play even worse than they already are if I drop dead, and I've always been very pragmatic and logical and verbalized my thinking, so they'd understand not making the cut.

I think in your case, you're probably right. Your kids likely wouldn't be that upset, and the coach should cut them without a second thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

In this context, it absolutely, 100% does NOT matter whether this is the worst rec team out there, or the most competitive travel team. They are 11, and her mother just died.

[Anonymous]

Does the girl evi want to play?

She may not want to and then you won't have an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you should do is line up all the girls trying out and get their full personal stories. Because without that, this is a dumb way to make a decision.

Being somewhat sarcastic but the point is you don’t know if the kid who you cut to make the spot for this other girl isn’t going through a divorce at home, sexual abuse at home. Anything.

This is just a slippery slope.

Yeah, if you don't cut the 11 yo whose mother just died, yu may find yourself knowing about what happens in the lives of your *other* players and perhaps being kind to them. You might even think of them as middle school kids, and not only as athletes. Where would it end?

In related news, you are a sociopath.

It flew right over your head but pp is right you have no idea what the other girls are going through and how much playing could be a life line for them so if we're going to consider mitigating circumstances for one we should consider it for all.

Maybe it's best no one gets cut this year. Why borrow trouble.

I seriously doubt ops husband has to narrow it down to only x amount. There are always bench riders

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the girl evi want to play?

She may not want to and then you won't have an issue.

Then you leave the choice to the girl. You give her the opportunity to stay with her friends while is is mourning the loss of her mother. If she doesn't show up for practices or decides she doesn't want to play, you say that's OK and help her to heal.
Are people really this emotionally dense?

[Anonymous]

Some of you have the EQ of a 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

it’s actually not that complicated at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

And by the way, I do have two children who are deeply attached to their sports teams and I have endured days and days of tears from being cut, not being put on their desired team, not making a critical play, etc. etc. One is now in college, and the other in HS. Your child will be FINE. Get your head out of your arse and develop some empathy for this child. I certainly hope that if your kid ever gets cut or demoted in order to accommodate a teammate who has suffered one of the worst traumas a chid can possibly suffer, that you don't blame the motherless child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

I didn’t say it was.

But in one scenario, a single person suffers, and in another 10-12 people do.

It’s not wrong to consider the needs & feelings of the other people on the team.

The wrinkle is the fact that her previous behavior has been a problem. It’s ok to consider the impact on the other girls and on the team.

If she’s going to ruin the experience for 9 other girls, she shouldn’t automatically get a pass just bc she suffered a personal loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

I didn’t say it was.

But in one scenario, a single person suffers, and in another 10-12 people do.

It’s not wrong to consider the needs & feelings of the other people on the team.

The wrinkle is the fact that her previous behavior has been a problem. It’s ok to consider the impact on the other girls and on the team.

If she’s going to ruin the experience for 9 other girls, she shouldn’t automatically get a pass just bc she suffered a personal loss.

You failed your Philosophy 101 class. This is not the trolley problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

I didn’t say it was.

But in one scenario, a single person suffers, and in another 10-12 people do.

It’s not wrong to consider the needs & feelings of the other people on the team.

The wrinkle is the fact that her previous behavior has been a problem. It’s ok to consider the impact on the other girls and on the team.

If she’s going to ruin the experience for 9 other girls, she shouldn’t automatically get a pass just bc she suffered a personal loss.

You failed your Philosophy 101 class. This is not the trolley problem.

Tell me what’s no true about what I said.

The girl in question yells at teammates. Yells at coaches. Doesn’t take feedback. And is objectively not talented enough to be on the team.

How are those other 9 girls not suffering as a result of this decision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.

It’s definitely more complex of a moral dilemma then you’re making it out to be.

Keep the girl to avoid more trauma to her but inflict suffering on 10 other girls (and not insignificant suffering on the girl whose spot she took).

Vs

Cutting the girl and inflicting more suffering on this girl but sparing the other 10 the suffering.

It’s not simple. And I think the people that do think it’s simple have never had a kid who lives & dies by a certain sport be cut from a team or be saddled with a difficult teammate.

Are you for real? Your kid getting cut from a team is no where in the same category of suffering as an 11-year old losing her mother! For the love of God.

I didn’t say it was.

But in one scenario, a single person suffers, and in another 10-12 people do.

It’s not wrong to consider the needs & feelings of the other people on the team.

The wrinkle is the fact that her previous behavior has been a problem. It’s ok to consider the impact on the other girls and on the team.

If she’s going to ruin the experience for 9 other girls, she shouldn’t automatically get a pass just bc she suffered a personal loss.

You failed your Philosophy 101 class. This is not the trolley problem.

Tell me what’s no true about what I said.

The girl in question yells at teammates. Yells at coaches. Doesn’t take feedback. And is objectively not talented enough to be on the team.

How are those other 9 girls not suffering as a result of this decision?

The teammates are experiencing inconvenience and annoyance; their experience would be many magnitudes less painful than the suffering of a little girl whose mother has died. Not to mention that those teammates will likely learn an unforgettable lesson in human compassion, assuming of course, they have parents who don't think like you do.