How to handle? Tough-to-coach kid with a family tragedy

[Anonymous]

Is this softball or lacrosse? I can’t think of another sport with parent coaches and cuts.

If it’s a team where a parent coach submits a set roster to the league (basketball comes to mind) and there are only X teams with Y kids permitted and you have one guaranteed team slot, that’s going to be a mess. If teams are unlimited but roster spots are capped, recruit enough girls for a second team and split the team.

Bottom line, you can’t cut this girl and maybe roster somehow needs to be expanded. One extra kid will not ruin everything and if it’s a league with limited roster spots permitted, this kind of thing will happen every year/season and is a good reason to NOT have parent coaches after elementary school.

[Anonymous]

This is why “competitive” sports team shouldn’t have daddy coaches.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I was friends with the person who passed and not as close to the surviving spouse.
There are only x spots. It's not like other people just join a new team.
My DH agrees with you all, and I do too, I get it. The issue is, he's not the final arbiter. He isn't the league manager. But he has a say and is now kind of caught trying to make a case for this.
Death was sudden and the "coachable" complaints long predate anything happening.

[Anonymous]

No question. She should not get offered a spot on the team.

Coach has a responsibility to the entire team, not just to this one girl.

She can have a fine season (and presumably a more successful season against lesser competition) playing Rec

[Anonymous]

Talk to the dad. Can you add an extra spot for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this softball or lacrosse? I can’t think of another sport with parent coaches and cuts.

If it’s a team where a parent coach submits a set roster to the league (basketball comes to mind) and there are only X teams with Y kids permitted and you have one guaranteed team slot, that’s going to be a mess. If teams are unlimited but roster spots are capped, recruit enough girls for a second team and split the team.

Bottom line, you can’t cut this girl and maybe roster somehow needs to be expanded. One extra kid will not ruin everything and if it’s a league with limited roster spots permitted, this kind of thing will happen every year/season and is a good reason to NOT have parent coaches after elementary school.

The age and time of the year line up with county basketball. I would not carry too many kids because there isn’t enough playing time to go around (regardless of sport). Just cut some kid you don’t know. Your DH is volunteering a ton of time, so he gets to make roster decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was friends with the person who passed and not as close to the surviving spouse.
There are only x spots. It's not like other people just join a new team.
My DH agrees with you all, and I do too, I get it. The issue is, he's not the final arbiter. He isn't the league manager. But he has a say and is now kind of caught trying to make a case for this.
Death was sudden and the "coachable" complaints long predate anything happening.

So he goes to the league manager and convinces them to expand the roster one time so a newly motherless child can have the comfort of playing on a team with friends and caring adults. For one season.

I disagree with the PPs who think this is why there should be no parent coaches for 11 or 12 yr olds. If having parent coaches means some compassion is occasionally extended to a grieving child, then it’s the right system.

I wouldn’t want to be part of a system that would cut this child loose right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this softball or lacrosse? I can’t think of another sport with parent coaches and cuts.

If it’s a team where a parent coach submits a set roster to the league (basketball comes to mind) and there are only X teams with Y kids permitted and you have one guaranteed team slot, that’s going to be a mess. If teams are unlimited but roster spots are capped, recruit enough girls for a second team and split the team.

Bottom line, you can’t cut this girl and maybe roster somehow needs to be expanded. One extra kid will not ruin everything and if it’s a league with limited roster spots permitted, this kind of thing will happen every year/season and is a good reason to NOT have parent coaches after elementary school.

The age and time of the year line up with county basketball. I would not carry too many kids because there isn’t enough playing time to go around (regardless of sport). Just cut some kid you don’t know. Your DH is volunteering a ton of time, so he gets to make roster decisions

Yup, sounds like its tryouts for a MS basketball team.

Which, I get; they are competitive.

But it will be better for her to play rec if she's not going to succeed as the more competitive level. Giving her a spot on a team where all her teammates and all her competitors are better than her is more cruel in the long run.

Rec basketball is great for the rec player. Playing time requirements and most kids experience some success on the court

[Anonymous]

Examples of uncoachable at this age:

Screaming “I know!!!l” when giving a reminder of something player regularly forget.

Screaming “I didn’t!” when giving a correction on a mistake that was made.

Also whining a lot about playing time or position assignments. We get this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth sports with 11 year olds. Unless these kids are training for the Olympics you don't cut this kid. Other deserving kid can find a spot on a different team. JFC - this is not hard.

+1. Perspective, OP, perspective.

Plus 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was friends with the person who passed and not as close to the surviving spouse.
There are only x spots. It's not like other people just join a new team.
My DH agrees with you all, and I do too, I get it. The issue is, he's not the final arbiter. He isn't the league manager. But he has a say and is now kind of caught trying to make a case for this.
Death was sudden and the "coachable" complaints long predate anything happening.

So he goes to the league manager and convinces them to expand the roster one time so a newly motherless child can have the comfort of playing on a team with friends and caring adults. For one season.

I disagree with the PPs who think this is why there should be no parent coaches for 11 or 12 yr olds. If having parent coaches means some compassion is occasionally extended to a grieving child, then it’s the right system.

I wouldn’t want to be part of a system that would cut this child loose right now.

+1 for one season.

At some point conversations with her dad this winter about whether she is likely to return the following year based on behavior and ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Examples of uncoachable at this age:

Screaming “I know!!!l” when giving a reminder of something player regularly forget.

Screaming “I didn’t!” when giving a correction on a mistake that was made.

Also whining a lot about playing time or position assignments. We get this all the time.

that’s not “uncoachable.” that is annoying behavior you could address.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you COULD cut her. But hopefully you would never wax romantic about your personal values again.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread makes me vomit. Kids sports are out of control and the parents that contribute to this are horrible people.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t cut this kid. Please.