Anyone marry a failure to launch husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP , you knew who you married. Did he tell you he was going to change for you, or did you invent a fantasy?

You made a stupid bet.

i cannot STAND the people who blame the person for marrying the wrong person. WHYYYYY are you on this board if you are so perfect??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

when i met mine he had a fine apartment that he shared with a roommate, and worked at the same place as me. Dh was and is extremely handsome and wildly funny and also a kind and good person. He was so much nicer to me than any boyfriend before or after and we really enjoyed each others company and talked for hours. In many ways he is still my best friend. He also had plans to get an MBA and was valued at work, albeit in a role with very limited growth potential. Looking at someone with a relatively simplistic life isn't a great yardstick of how they'll navigate a life with kids and the many complexities that come with that. It's the same as asking someone - weren't there red flags that your dh would ultimately cheat. Or weren't there red flags that your dh would put on too much weight and ultimately have a heart attack! The answer is complex. You prioritize things that at the time seem overwhelmingly important and maybe you don't have the life experience that would cause someone to think - well he's balding and kind of dumpy and not at all funny but I love that he's very driven and organized and we've discussed his net worth and it will make for a great retirement and we'll stop hooking up once we have kids really anyway so lets do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

Just no. Have him learn to have a fulfilling single life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

Just no. Have him learn to have a fulfilling single life.

you want her to say to him 'hey you arent good enough as a human to ever get married so dont try'? good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does posting regularly about this help you somehow? Asking seriously because you do post at least once a year about him but do nothing to change the situation.

I am not op but have posted a couple times before and been told I post 'all the time'.
is it possible there is more than one woman whose husband has adhd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how many times were you warned f red flags by family and friends? How many times did you get angry and ignore your family and friends? Let me guess, you cried to your family and friends when things were really awful, took their help and $$, but stayed with dh. If you look back, I bet you will see how you discarded the advice of those who really cared for you.

I could have written this about my sister.

[Anonymous]

'OP, how many times were you warned f red flags by family and friends? How many times did you get angry and ignore your family and friends? Let me guess, you cried to your family and friends when things were really awful, took their help and $$, but stayed with dh. If you look back, I bet you will see how you discarded the advice of those who really cared for you'

not op but for me the answer was never?

i love how many people in a relationships board are like 'you should have seen this coming'. Genuinely really curious - WHY be on this board? I guess your marriage is perfect and you only have interest in the people who are not yet married and trying to work out if they should GET married? Also anyone on here saying 'you should have seen this coming' is not the most awesome person and i am guessing has issues of their own they need to work on.

[Anonymous]

You don’t marry for potential. That is just dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happened to me, DH is a GS14.

Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

Just no. Have him learn to have a fulfilling single life.

you want her to say to him 'hey you arent good enough as a human to ever get married so dont try'? good plan.

I think she can not do stuff for him or be honest and say that marriage involves two people stepping up equally. She can discourage a lopsided relationship

[Anonymous]

And stop defining 1950s “good provider” as “I have a paycheck and nothing else to do nor contribute to you or the kids or your lives.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And stop defining 1950s “good provider” as “I have a paycheck and nothing else to do nor contribute to you or the kids or your lives.”

That was not the case in the 1950s, either. Those dads were home after work and on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And stop defining 1950s “good provider” as “I have a paycheck and nothing else to do nor contribute to you or the kids or your lives.”

That was not the case in the 1950s, either. Those dads were home after work and on the weekends.

And did what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:'OP, how many times were you warned f red flags by family and friends? How many times did you get angry and ignore your family and friends? Let me guess, you cried to your family and friends when things were really awful, took their help and $$, but stayed with dh. If you look back, I bet you will see how you discarded the advice of those who really cared for you'

not op but for me the answer was never?

i love how many people in a relationships board are like 'you should have seen this coming'. Genuinely really curious - WHY be on this board? I guess your marriage is perfect and you only have interest in the people who are not yet married and trying to work out if they should GET married? Also anyone on here saying 'you should have seen this coming' is not the most awesome person and i am guessing has issues of their own they need to work on. [/quote

I"m on this board because I am really trying to understand. I am a family member who has been warning my cousin for 2 decades. I am really trying to understand why on earth you would be so dismissive.

also, my relationship is quite strong so I am trying to offer other perspectives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:'OP, how many times were you warned f red flags by family and friends? How many times did you get angry and ignore your family and friends? Let me guess, you cried to your family and friends when things were really awful, took their help and $$, but stayed with dh. If you look back, I bet you will see how you discarded the advice of those who really cared for you'

not op but for me the answer was never?

i love how many people in a relationships board are like 'you should have seen this coming'. Genuinely really curious - WHY be on this board? I guess your marriage is perfect and you only have interest in the people who are not yet married and trying to work out if they should GET married? Also anyone on here saying 'you should have seen this coming' is not the most awesome person and i am guessing has issues of their own they need to work on. [/quote

I"m on this board because I am really trying to understand. I am a family member who has been warning my cousin for 2 decades. I am really trying to understand why on earth you would be so dismissive.

also, my relationship is quite strong so I am trying to offer other perspectives

I"m on this board because I am really trying to understand. I am a family member who has been warning my cousin for 2 decades. I am really trying to understand why on earth you would be so dismissive.

also, my relationship is quite strong so I am trying to offer other perspectives

also, it is a shame that noone warned you. that is on them as well. Maybe they did and you weren't ready to hear it?