Anyone marry a failure to launch husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it’s actually pretty easy to hide laziness for quite awhile. This is true regardless of family wealth in my opinion. They’re good storytellers and they believe their own story.

All true.

[Anonymous]

Does posting regularly about this help you somehow? Asking seriously because you do post at least once a year about him but do nothing to change the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but I too would say that I have gone backwards and reversed matured as well. I used to have it all together but it has all unraveled. I also have ADHD and then developed an autoimmune disorder and the combination was unraveling.

It is a weird position to be in. I am currently single so I am not dragging anyways backwards with me but it is still strange to unmature.

Wishing you the best pp. You can see here how it impacts families, sadly.
My young adult has ADHD and ASD. We and he have busted our a**ses to work on everything to create a path for success in academic pursuits and employment, sustaining relationships, self-care and hygiene, physical fitness, and yes, appropriate medication and therapies.

It is a lot and takes a toll for sure on the individual and those surrounding them. For the the "normal" folks out there, count your good blessings.

[Anonymous]

As a spouse, you need to get your partner into therapy. Try your hardest and issue an ultimatum. If they don't then it's on them. But dont' just sit around and seethe with resentment.

My sister is in this situation. SO much going wrong, but just put up with it but never issued an ultimatum and didn't really step up for the family when the income disappeared. their life is a disaster because BOTH have failed to launch and played house for years and the rest of the family enabled them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

I do agree with this to a certain extent. There can certainly be FTL wives who end up staying home to care for the kids and don't really take care of them b/c of EF issues. I happen to be related to one of these women. The majority of women who do stay home are due to economic forces--who gets paid more, who can afford to stay home, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

My friends dh had a mom who would pay for most things but he would pretend to have a job. Guess what happened after his mom died?

[Anonymous]

I married one but he does keep a job and makes good money BUT he can't do anything else literally nothing else no other life skills but his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

Didn’t catch who was parenting and raising the kids, managing the schedules / health/ ECs, maintaining the house, managing the staff and repair vendors, and planning the future trips and goals whilst the rich husband works all day and then night on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married one but he does keep a job and makes good money BUT he can't do anything else literally nothing else no other life skills but his job.

+1. Developmentally stunted spouse here too. I talk to divorce attorneys every couple years. Cannot stand his messes, lies, checked out ness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the mom of an adult male who I fear will be this type of husband. I honestly don’t want him to marry and reproduce. I love him to death, but he cannot manage himself at all. He will need a mom-wife. Ugh.

This is my brother. Almost 60 and mom died two years ago. He had her change the will to leave him everything. So he lives in my parents' house while the pool gets greener, the plants grow into a jungle, the inside of the home gets more hoarded, roaches and lizards are everywhere, while he fakes normalcy outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

I’m confused by your confusion. They mask. All crappy partners “mask.” Alcoholics, addicts, rage-aholics, sex addicts, and perennial losers. They keep it together for as long as they need to and once they feel comfortable, the real them comes out.

No one can “mask” being a loser. That would require high sociopathic intelligence and willful deception. If he’s a failure to launch bum, he is almost certainly not that smart or sophisticated.

The whole thing about failure to launch is it is immediately visible, ie. still living in mom’s basement, holding down menial jobs etc. (NOT being a GS 14, wth?)

All the failure to launch types I know failed to launch because they never had to. Either extremely wealthy or enabled by parents who could support them. They are smart, well-read, well-traveled, well-educated, own homes and usually work at something in a casual way that doesn't bring in much money.
I should know, since I'm one of them.

Good for you.

All the FTL 20-50 yos we know have unmanaged adhd or aspergers. Many of their parents do as well so they can’t figure it out.

Right now one was gifted a bunch of rental properties because he can’t hold down a job without messing up or saying/doing someone foolish.

Maybe it just sticks out more because these FTL DHs and [someone you know's] son are men.

How many women have well paid husbands--have a kid or more--then never go back to work. Is it because they are "better at being a SAHM" than working at regular jobs? DWs live in homes paid for by someone else, in this case their husband instead of wealthy parents. They "just volunteer" and do other non-regular jobs. Or have hobbies. Or hang out in Europe. When the shoe is on the other foot, it's not a FTL wife, is it? Just the males. Got it.

SAHP is not the same thing and you know it.

And "hang out in Europe"? LOL. What are you smoking?

[Anonymous]

Pro the latest Bret Easton Ellis book plus the smokes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married one but he does keep a job and makes good money BUT he can't do anything else literally nothing else no other life skills but his job.

Count your blessings. So many fall apart and do nothing.