From US diplomat (trailing spouse) to squatter

[Anonymous]

I could be wrong but both you and your son are adults so even though your ex wronged you, its water under the bridge. You guys need to move on and build your own lives. He isn't responsible for either of you as you aren't married and kid isn't a minor.

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you explain why you are living in nyc? Is there some benefit to that? It’s an incredibly expensive area.
Maybe you should move someplace cheaper.

I do recommend you stay away from red states that have not expanded Medicaid. You need good health insurance, so if you think of relocation spots, go to healthcare.gov, enter in the zip code, and see what sort of insurance the exchange has there.

NP. I had the same thought as this PP, but as a former NYC resident I sat with it and I think it’s a good location. NYC doesn’t require the investment of a car, transit is accessible and cheap, and healthcare is more readily available in most places I’ve lived save for Texas. Jobs are plentiful. But most importantly I think NYC has a really great system for housing lotteries for lower and middle income residents. OP, once you get a salaried job, you need to start getting yourself on every single list. Look in the NYT real estate section for stories about people who have landed affordable apartments after some time on the list. I knew more than a few people who went this route and regret not doing it when I was very stretched but not destitute in the City. This is not section 8 or public housing- it is for the apartments in already built or new buildings required to reserve a certain percentage of apartments for tenants of certain incomes.

https://housingconnect.nyc.gov/PublicWeb/search-lotteries

In the meantime you need to find a shared house or apartment in an outer borough to save money and avoid a huge deposit. By any chance did you go to a small college with supportive alumni, and do you have a college alma mater with an alumni email list? FB group? Anything? Post there. You don’t have to say you’re destitute, just that you’re restarting your life in NYC and looking for a temporary share while you decide what neighborhood is right for you. I literally saw a post like this on my alumni email list a while ago.

Next step is to apply for government and city agency jobs and executive assistant jobs. You don’t need to tell anyone the sad part of your life- you have had a hard time and maybe made a few bad decisions but you write in an engaging way that got more than a few of us to stick around with none of the usual “too long” complaints.

Please keep us updated. Many of us have come close to being in your situation or wonder if we might in the future.

Thanks for this! Yes, you highlighted a lot of why I have stayed (left and came back). This city sort of helps take care of you if you're struggling. I don't want to lose my residency. Yes, Housing Connect- I am aware. My struggle is, since I haven't had stable work, my salary constantly fluctuates and when your name comes up, it must match what you entered. It's like this vortex or gridlock I am stuck in. I posted something on Stephanie's Listing's Project and asked if someone would take me and my pets in as a roommate. I am working on a voucher program, but they only give Section 8 here now if the DA is working w/you on a DV case and this "white collar DV" isn't chargable. But I am trying and will keep doing so. Thanks for your helpful tips. I am so emotionally bankrupt is a big part of the problem. I can see what I need to do, I just feel like I have lost hope. I never thought this could happen to me and I am devasted. I gave so much and it just doesn't make sense. The thing about narcissists is that they wear masks and you don't know who they are til it's too late (I still don't know who he is...Who hides money from their son?!). Thank you for the tips! I will follow-up!

I use to work in subsidized housing so I can give you some tips.

You're right that it's extremely difficult to get a voucher in NYC without domestic violence preference. I hear you on your ex DH's emotional abuse, but in the end you're not likely to get this preference anyway because you're not actively fleeing abuse. You're already divorced/separated. This preference is for women who are living with abuser or are doubled up with family/in a shelter because they left an abusive husband.

I don't think you're right that your income must match exactly what you entered. I was in NY, but not NYC, and that does not make sense. What is true is that you have to report an income on your application that is below an income threshhold. And then, when your number is called - it could take years - you have to be below the threshold. The threshhold may increase due to inflation. But there is no way that your income has to be exactly the same as what you originally reported. Even someone on a fixed income like Social Security gets an annual increase. People in poverty have fluctuating incomes. There is no way they expect your income to be exactly the same - only that it continues to be below their income limits. Furthermore, now that your son is in college, you need to find out whether you're considered a one family or two family household. If you're a one member household, the threshhold will be lower. And also, some of these lists give preferences to families with children under 18, or disabled people. Now that your son is 18, you won't qualify as a family. You should find out if you are considered disabled. For Section 8 vouchers, the process is not onerous, it's a form your doctor signs that looks like this: https://www.hud.gov/sites/documents/90103.PDF It's not as difficult as applying for Social Security disability. This form also helps you get consideration like extra time on deadlines, but it won't waive the income requirement.

The other tip is to apply outside NYC. Upstate NY and Long Island have tons of small housing authorities with Section 8 vouchers. https://www.hud.gov/states/new_york/renting/hawebsites There are County-wide programs and also smaller village and township programs. CDCLI.org manages Nassau and Suffolk counties. Some of those waiting lists move significantly faster than the NYC one. You could get called up within a year. They will require you to live in their jurisdiction for one year. After a year, you can move anywhere in the US (it's called portability). If you can get the disability verification, then you could try to request a reasonable accommodation to use your voucher in NYC and waive the one year requirement. You would have to have sufficient reasons related to the disability (eg, a rare condition and network of doctors local to you that you can't leave). I wouldn't count on this, and you should assume you'll have to move, but it's only for a year. Once you have Section 8 it's forever and it's not easy to lose it.

Furthermore, there are many "project based" Section 8 vouchers in the state, including some decent ones on Long Island, and you can get on their lists. Again, you'll be required to live in that apartment for one year before you can request to convert to a "tenant-based" voucher that allows you to move wherever you want.

I can also recommend this blog for a lot of the tips and tricks how to advocate for yourself, write convincing letters, and demand appeals: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/

WOW! This is *incredibly* helpful! Oh, that makes sense about the lottery. My name actually came up a couple of times, but bc my jobs were all temps and I haven't had a stable one, it didn't work. But that makes sense what you're saying. I just need to find out if my son is still considered a dependent. I wonder if I get to claim him on my taxes this year and if so, does that mean I can claim we have a 2-person household? I have a great advocate at the FJC and she may know, but this is really good info.

So, if I leave the community and go say to Newburgh and got Section 8, that eventually that voucher would work in NYC, too? WOW! But I must live in Newburgh for a year before receiving? It's all so tricky, bc of the obvious- you need money for a place. I am actively looking for roommates, but perhaps I will expand up the Hudson. This is really good info and I really appreciate it. Homebase is working on a voucher for me, but I don't totally understand if it's not that helpful or what, but they're saying it's not like Section 8.

That blog...I will check it out. MAN, was I powerful in my 20s and 30s. I swear, years of feeling like this and it does something to your confidence. I know I have a lot to offer, even with our time in foreign service, bc we learned so much about the world and people and had so much to juggle! And of course, mothering. But generally, the working world doesn't think those mean a whole lot.

This is all good stuff and I appreciate you taking the time and I can tell you know a lot about the system here, so you get why it's sort of beneficial to be here. The women at HRA and who check you out with your SNAP card are about the most empathic women I have dealt with in ages...they know. I love that brief moment when women/mothers connect on something and we just understand what the other has been through. It's really powerful.

THANK YOU AGAIN! I will check all this out!

All the best,
G

[Anonymous]

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you explain why you are living in nyc? Is there some benefit to that? It’s an incredibly expensive area.
Maybe you should move someplace cheaper.

I do recommend you stay away from red states that have not expanded Medicaid. You need good health insurance, so if you think of relocation spots, go to healthcare.gov, enter in the zip code, and see what sort of insurance the exchange has there.

NP. I had the same thought as this PP, but as a former NYC resident I sat with it and I think it’s a good location. NYC doesn’t require the investment of a car, transit is accessible and cheap, and healthcare is more readily available in most places I’ve lived save for Texas. Jobs are plentiful. But most importantly I think NYC has a really great system for housing lotteries for lower and middle income residents. OP, once you get a salaried job, you need to start getting yourself on every single list. Look in the NYT real estate section for stories about people who have landed affordable apartments after some time on the list. I knew more than a few people who went this route and regret not doing it when I was very stretched but not destitute in the City. This is not section 8 or public housing- it is for the apartments in already built or new buildings required to reserve a certain percentage of apartments for tenants of certain incomes.

https://housingconnect.nyc.gov/PublicWeb/search-lotteries

In the meantime you need to find a shared house or apartment in an outer borough to save money and avoid a huge deposit. By any chance did you go to a small college with supportive alumni, and do you have a college alma mater with an alumni email list? FB group? Anything? Post there. You don’t have to say you’re destitute, just that you’re restarting your life in NYC and looking for a temporary share while you decide what neighborhood is right for you. I literally saw a post like this on my alumni email list a while ago.

Next step is to apply for government and city agency jobs and executive assistant jobs. You don’t need to tell anyone the sad part of your life- you have had a hard time and maybe made a few bad decisions but you write in an engaging way that got more than a few of us to stick around with none of the usual “too long” complaints.

Please keep us updated. Many of us have come close to being in your situation or wonder if we might in the future.

Thanks for this! Yes, you highlighted a lot of why I have stayed (left and came back). This city sort of helps take care of you if you're struggling. I don't want to lose my residency. Yes, Housing Connect- I am aware. My struggle is, since I haven't had stable work, my salary constantly fluctuates and when your name comes up, it must match what you entered. It's like this vortex or gridlock I am stuck in. I posted something on Stephanie's Listing's Project and asked if someone would take me and my pets in as a roommate. I am working on a voucher program, but they only give Section 8 here now if the DA is working w/you on a DV case and this "white collar DV" isn't chargable. But I am trying and will keep doing so. Thanks for your helpful tips. I am so emotionally bankrupt is a big part of the problem. I can see what I need to do, I just feel like I have lost hope. I never thought this could happen to me and I am devasted. I gave so much and it just doesn't make sense. The thing about narcissists is that they wear masks and you don't know who they are til it's too late (I still don't know who he is...Who hides money from their son?!). Thank you for the tips! I will follow-up!

I use to work in subsidized housing so I can give you some tips.

You're right that it's extremely difficult to get a voucher in NYC without domestic violence preference. I hear you on your ex DH's emotional abuse, but in the end you're not likely to get this preference anyway because you're not actively fleeing abuse. You're already divorced/separated. This preference is for women who are living with abuser or are doubled up with family/in a shelter because they left an abusive husband.

I don't think you're right that your income must match exactly what you entered. I was in NY, but not NYC, and that does not make sense. What is true is that you have to report an income on your application that is below an income threshhold. And then, when your number is called - it could take years - you have to be below the threshold. The threshhold may increase due to inflation. But there is no way that your income has to be exactly the same as what you originally reported. Even someone on a fixed income like Social Security gets an annual increase. People in poverty have fluctuating incomes. There is no way they expect your income to be exactly the same - only that it continues to be below their income limits. Furthermore, now that your son is in college, you need to find out whether you're considered a one family or two family household. If you're a one member household, the threshhold will be lower. And also, some of these lists give preferences to families with children under 18, or disabled people. Now that your son is 18, you won't qualify as a family. You should find out if you are considered disabled. For Section 8 vouchers, the process is not onerous, it's a form your doctor signs that looks like this: https://www.hud.gov/sites/documents/90103.PDF It's not as difficult as applying for Social Security disability. This form also helps you get consideration like extra time on deadlines, but it won't waive the income requirement.

The other tip is to apply outside NYC. Upstate NY and Long Island have tons of small housing authorities with Section 8 vouchers. https://www.hud.gov/states/new_york/renting/hawebsites There are County-wide programs and also smaller village and township programs. CDCLI.org manages Nassau and Suffolk counties. Some of those waiting lists move significantly faster than the NYC one. You could get called up within a year. They will require you to live in their jurisdiction for one year. After a year, you can move anywhere in the US (it's called portability). If you can get the disability verification, then you could try to request a reasonable accommodation to use your voucher in NYC and waive the one year requirement. You would have to have sufficient reasons related to the disability (eg, a rare condition and network of doctors local to you that you can't leave). I wouldn't count on this, and you should assume you'll have to move, but it's only for a year. Once you have Section 8 it's forever and it's not easy to lose it.

Furthermore, there are many "project based" Section 8 vouchers in the state, including some decent ones on Long Island, and you can get on their lists. Again, you'll be required to live in that apartment for one year before you can request to convert to a "tenant-based" voucher that allows you to move wherever you want.

I can also recommend this blog for a lot of the tips and tricks how to advocate for yourself, write convincing letters, and demand appeals: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/

WOW! This is *incredibly* helpful! Oh, that makes sense about the lottery. My name actually came up a couple of times, but bc my jobs were all temps and I haven't had a stable one, it didn't work. But that makes sense what you're saying. I just need to find out if my son is still considered a dependent. I wonder if I get to claim him on my taxes this year and if so, does that mean I can claim we have a 2-person household? I have a great advocate at the FJC and she may know, but this is really good info.

So, if I leave the community and go say to Newburgh and got Section 8, that eventually that voucher would work in NYC, too? WOW! But I must live in Newburgh for a year before receiving? It's all so tricky, bc of the obvious- you need money for a place. I am actively looking for roommates, but perhaps I will expand up the Hudson. This is really good info and I really appreciate it. Homebase is working on a voucher for me, but I don't totally understand if it's not that helpful or what, but they're saying it's not like Section 8.

That blog...I will check it out. MAN, was I powerful in my 20s and 30s. I swear, years of feeling like this and it does something to your confidence. I know I have a lot to offer, even with our time in foreign service, bc we learned so much about the world and people and had so much to juggle! And of course, mothering. But generally, the working world doesn't think those mean a whole lot.

This is all good stuff and I appreciate you taking the time and I can tell you know a lot about the system here, so you get why it's sort of beneficial to be here. The women at HRA and who check you out with your SNAP card are about the most empathic women I have dealt with in ages...they know. I love that brief moment when women/mothers connect on something and we just understand what the other has been through. It's really powerful.

THANK YOU AGAIN! I will check all this out!

All the best,
G

Sincerely glad the information was helpful.

So about your son, being a dependent on taxes isn't really relevant. It's more about who literally will be living in the household. Different programs have slighly different rules. Some will allow for a bedroom for someone in the military. Some will allow for a bedroom for a college student who returns on breaks. Some won't because they don't want to pay for an empty second bedroom 9 months of the year. In those cases they'll only pay for a one-bedroom for you and I guess son would have to sleep on the couch or whatever if he visits. And if you only qualify for a one-bedroom/one-person, the income threshold is different than for a two-bedroom/two-person household. So yes, it all gets very tricky.

About Newburgh - yes, you've got it. You can get on their list, use a voucher there for one year, then "port" the voucher back to NYC, or wherever you want. BUT if you're disabled, and you have a disability-related reason (like specialized doctors), you *might* (emphasis might) qualfy for a reasonable accommodation to waive that requirement, and immediately transfer Newburgh's voucher to NYC and stay in NYC. That's not particularly easy to do and frankly a lot of the workers at the small PHAs don't understand it and will tell you it's impossible. But I have seen it/done it for people. Some info here: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/policies-on-reasonable-accommodations-for-porting-and-moving-housing-vouchers/

Initial PHA = Housing Authority which gave you the voucher
Receiving PHA = Housing Authority you want to transfer voucher to.

So, in the example where you live in NYC and you get a voucher from Newburgh, then Newburgh is the initial PHA, and NYCHA is the Receiving PHA even though NYC is where you live now.

A good bet is to contact the HUD Local Field Office if you're ever in a dispute. In my experience, they are quite lenient when you are disabled and try to help you get what you want.

[Anonymous]

You get 100s of job offers a day? Do you mean those travel agencies that reach out to you saying they have assignments available? Those aren't job offers....

[Anonymous]

There's too much information in here that identifies you-- if you are hoping to ruin your ex's reputation, it may be possible this way, but I don't know if it will bring anyone peace.

[Anonymous]

^ this is from an EFM, by the way -- I had posted the [e-mail] address before. We both know how small this community is.

[Anonymous]

There is no way you’ve gotten contacted twice for the affordable housing lottery, OP. I live in NYC and have one family member and one friend who got it in separate years. I don’t know what or who contacted you, but there is no way, zero, that what you think you’ve received is what PP’s described.

Please don’t analogize to reparations or claim that emotional isolation is tantamount to DV. It’s not going to help you in the broader world with a broader audience. As harsh as some have been, I do think some are trying to help by explaining how things come across if you’re not knee-deep in State Dept experiences.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:Women do get screwed in divorce, unfortunately divorce isn’t in a woman’s short-term financial interest. You Aton it for the long haul in a relationship like you described
From what I can tell with out having studied law is that his future inheritance is not relevant. His work benefit of housing is not an asset either

You are strong, the life of a trailing spouse is often lonely
I am surprised that you moved as often as you did
Did I understand correctly, your son changed school 14 times!

I amended that because there are a lot of women afraid to leave who need to know the difference. Divorcing my XH saved my life (safety and health) and my sanity. It was financially grueling for about seven years, though I now realize that a lot of that strain was the cost of the long custody battle (lawyers and missed work are expensive). OP is in the thick of that financial strain right now, but she can survive it and thrive again.

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you explain why you are living in nyc? Is there some benefit to that? It’s an incredibly expensive area.
Maybe you should move someplace cheaper.

I do recommend you stay away from red states that have not expanded Medicaid. You need good health insurance, so if you think of relocation spots, go to healthcare.gov, enter in the zip code, and see what sort of insurance the exchange has there.

NP. I had the same thought as this PP, but as a former NYC resident I sat with it and I think it’s a good location. NYC doesn’t require the investment of a car, transit is accessible and cheap, and healthcare is more readily available in most places I’ve lived save for Texas. Jobs are plentiful. But most importantly I think NYC has a really great system for housing lotteries for lower and middle income residents. OP, once you get a salaried job, you need to start getting yourself on every single list. Look in the NYT real estate section for stories about people who have landed affordable apartments after some time on the list. I knew more than a few people who went this route and regret not doing it when I was very stretched but not destitute in the City. This is not section 8 or public housing- it is for the apartments in already built or new buildings required to reserve a certain percentage of apartments for tenants of certain incomes.

https://housingconnect.nyc.gov/PublicWeb/search-lotteries

In the meantime you need to find a shared house or apartment in an outer borough to save money and avoid a huge deposit. By any chance did you go to a small college with supportive alumni, and do you have a college alma mater with an alumni email list? FB group? Anything? Post there. You don’t have to say you’re destitute, just that you’re restarting your life in NYC and looking for a temporary share while you decide what neighborhood is right for you. I literally saw a post like this on my alumni email list a while ago.

Next step is to apply for government and city agency jobs and executive assistant jobs. You don’t need to tell anyone the sad part of your life- you have had a hard time and maybe made a few bad decisions but you write in an engaging way that got more than a few of us to stick around with none of the usual “too long” complaints.

Please keep us updated. Many of us have come close to being in your situation or wonder if we might in the future.

Thanks for this! Yes, you highlighted a lot of why I have stayed (left and came back). This city sort of helps take care of you if you're struggling. I don't want to lose my residency. Yes, Housing Connect- I am aware. My struggle is, since I haven't had stable work, my salary constantly fluctuates and when your name comes up, it must match what you entered. It's like this vortex or gridlock I am stuck in. I posted something on Stephanie's Listing's Project and asked if someone would take me and my pets in as a roommate. I am working on a voucher program, but they only give Section 8 here now if the DA is working w/you on a DV case and this "white collar DV" isn't chargable. But I am trying and will keep doing so. Thanks for your helpful tips. I am so emotionally bankrupt is a big part of the problem. I can see what I need to do, I just feel like I have lost hope. I never thought this could happen to me and I am devasted. I gave so much and it just doesn't make sense. The thing about narcissists is that they wear masks and you don't know who they are til it's too late (I still don't know who he is...Who hides money from their son?!). Thank you for the tips! I will follow-up!

I use to work in subsidized housing so I can give you some tips.

You're right that it's extremely difficult to get a voucher in NYC without domestic violence preference. I hear you on your ex DH's emotional abuse, but in the end you're not likely to get this preference anyway because you're not actively fleeing abuse. You're already divorced/separated. This preference is for women who are living with abuser or are doubled up with family/in a shelter because they left an abusive husband.

I don't think you're right that your income must match exactly what you entered. I was in NY, but not NYC, and that does not make sense. What is true is that you have to report an income on your application that is below an income threshhold. And then, when your number is called - it could take years - you have to be below the threshold. The threshhold may increase due to inflation. But there is no way that your income has to be exactly the same as what you originally reported. Even someone on a fixed income like Social Security gets an annual increase. People in poverty have fluctuating incomes. There is no way they expect your income to be exactly the same - only that it continues to be below their income limits. Furthermore, now that your son is in college, you need to find out whether you're considered a one family or two family household. If you're a one member household, the threshhold will be lower. And also, some of these lists give preferences to families with children under 18, or disabled people. Now that your son is 18, you won't qualify as a family. You should find out if you are considered disabled. For Section 8 vouchers, the process is not onerous, it's a form your doctor signs that looks like this: https://www.hud.gov/sites/documents/90103.PDF It's not as difficult as applying for Social Security disability. This form also helps you get consideration like extra time on deadlines, but it won't waive the income requirement.

The other tip is to apply outside NYC. Upstate NY and Long Island have tons of small housing authorities with Section 8 vouchers. https://www.hud.gov/states/new_york/renting/hawebsites There are County-wide programs and also smaller village and township programs. CDCLI.org manages Nassau and Suffolk counties. Some of those waiting lists move significantly faster than the NYC one. You could get called up within a year. They will require you to live in their jurisdiction for one year. After a year, you can move anywhere in the US (it's called portability). If you can get the disability verification, then you could try to request a reasonable accommodation to use your voucher in NYC and waive the one year requirement. You would have to have sufficient reasons related to the disability (eg, a rare condition and network of doctors local to you that you can't leave). I wouldn't count on this, and you should assume you'll have to move, but it's only for a year. Once you have Section 8 it's forever and it's not easy to lose it.

Furthermore, there are many "project based" Section 8 vouchers in the state, including some decent ones on Long Island, and you can get on their lists. Again, you'll be required to live in that apartment for one year before you can request to convert to a "tenant-based" voucher that allows you to move wherever you want.

I can also recommend this blog for a lot of the tips and tricks how to advocate for yourself, write convincing letters, and demand appeals: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/

WOW! This is *incredibly* helpful! Oh, that makes sense about the lottery. My name actually came up a couple of times, but bc my jobs were all temps and I haven't had a stable one, it didn't work. But that makes sense what you're saying. I just need to find out if my son is still considered a dependent. I wonder if I get to claim him on my taxes this year and if so, does that mean I can claim we have a 2-person household? I have a great advocate at the FJC and she may know, but this is really good info.

So, if I leave the community and go say to Newburgh and got Section 8, that eventually that voucher would work in NYC, too? WOW! But I must live in Newburgh for a year before receiving? It's all so tricky, bc of the obvious- you need money for a place. I am actively looking for roommates, but perhaps I will expand up the Hudson. This is really good info and I really appreciate it. Homebase is working on a voucher for me, but I don't totally understand if it's not that helpful or what, but they're saying it's not like Section 8.

That blog...I will check it out. MAN, was I powerful in my 20s and 30s. I swear, years of feeling like this and it does something to your confidence. I know I have a lot to offer, even with our time in foreign service, bc we learned so much about the world and people and had so much to juggle! And of course, mothering. But generally, the working world doesn't think those mean a whole lot.

This is all good stuff and I appreciate you taking the time and I can tell you know a lot about the system here, so you get why it's sort of beneficial to be here. The women at HRA and who check you out with your SNAP card are about the most empathic women I have dealt with in ages...they know. I love that brief moment when women/mothers connect on something and we just understand what the other has been through. It's really powerful.

THANK YOU AGAIN! I will check all this out!

All the best,
G

Sincerely glad the information was helpful.

So about your son, being a dependent on taxes isn't really relevant. It's more about who literally will be living in the household. Different programs have slighly different rules. Some will allow for a bedroom for someone in the military. Some will allow for a bedroom for a college student who returns on breaks. Some won't because they don't want to pay for an empty second bedroom 9 months of the year. In those cases they'll only pay for a one-bedroom for you and I guess son would have to sleep on the couch or whatever if he visits. And if you only qualify for a one-bedroom/one-person, the income threshold is different than for a two-bedroom/two-person household. So yes, it all gets very tricky.

About Newburgh - yes, you've got it. You can get on their list, use a voucher there for one year, then "port" the voucher back to NYC, or wherever you want. BUT if you're disabled, and you have a disability-related reason (like specialized doctors), you *might* (emphasis might) qualfy for a reasonable accommodation to waive that requirement, and immediately transfer Newburgh's voucher to NYC and stay in NYC. That's not particularly easy to do and frankly a lot of the workers at the small PHAs don't understand it and will tell you it's impossible. But I have seen it/done it for people. Some info here: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/policies-on-reasonable-accommodations-for-porting-and-moving-housing-vouchers/

Initial PHA = Housing Authority which gave you the voucher
Receiving PHA = Housing Authority you want to transfer voucher to.

So, in the example where you live in NYC and you get a voucher from Newburgh, then Newburgh is the initial PHA, and NYCHA is the Receiving PHA even though NYC is where you live now.

A good bet is to contact the HUD Local Field Office if you're ever in a dispute. In my experience, they are quite lenient when you are disabled and try to help you get what you want.

Wow! Thanks again. This is very helpful and the most I have gotten to-date. I will certianly use this...Appreciate it SO much! Best, G

[GenLeRoy]

Sincerely glad the information was helpful.

So about your son, being a dependent on taxes isn't really relevant. It's more about who literally will be living in the household. Different programs have slighly different rules. Some will allow for a bedroom for someone in the military. Some will allow for a bedroom for a college student who returns on breaks. Some won't because they don't want to pay for an empty second bedroom 9 months of the year. In those cases they'll only pay for a one-bedroom for you and I guess son would have to sleep on the couch or whatever if he visits. And if you only qualify for a one-bedroom/one-person, the income threshold is different than for a two-bedroom/two-person household. So yes, it all gets very tricky.

About Newburgh - yes, you've got it. You can get on their list, use a voucher there for one year, then "port" the voucher back to NYC, or wherever you want. BUT if you're disabled, and you have a disability-related reason (like specialized doctors), you *might* (emphasis might) qualfy for a reasonable accommodation to waive that requirement, and immediately transfer Newburgh's voucher to NYC and stay in NYC. That's not particularly easy to do and frankly a lot of the workers at the small PHAs don't understand it and will tell you it's impossible. But I have seen it/done it for people. Some info here: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/policies-on-reasonable-accommodations-for-porting-and-moving-housing-vouchers/

Initial PHA = Housing Authority which gave you the voucher
Receiving PHA = Housing Authority you want to transfer voucher to.

So, in the example where you live in NYC and you get a voucher from Newburgh, then Newburgh is the initial PHA, and NYCHA is the Receiving PHA even though NYC is where you live now.

A good bet is to contact the HUD Local Field Office if you're ever in a dispute. In my experience, they are quite lenient when you are disabled and try to help you get what you want.
Wow! Thanks again. This is very helpful and the most I have gotten to-date. I will certianly use this...Appreciate it SO much! Best, G

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:There's too much information in here that identifies you-- if you are hoping to ruin your ex's reputation, it may be possible this way, but I don't know if it will bring anyone peace.

Why in God's name would I care about that man's reputation? That's his problem. If telling the truth ruins a reputation, then that's on him.

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:Women do get screwed in divorce, unfortunately divorce isn’t in a woman’s short-term financial interest. You Aton it for the long haul in a relationship like you described
From what I can tell with out having studied law is that his future inheritance is not relevant. His work benefit of housing is not an asset either

You are strong, the life of a trailing spouse is often lonely
I am surprised that you moved as often as you did
Did I understand correctly, your son changed school 14 times!

I amended that because there are a lot of women afraid to leave who need to know the difference. Divorcing my XH saved my life (safety and health) and my sanity. It was financially grueling for about seven years, though I now realize that a lot of that strain was the cost of the long custody battle (lawyers and missed work are expensive). OP is in the thick of that financial strain right now, but she can survive it and thrive again.

Thank you! That helps! I think [I pray] I am nearing the end. I had no choice but to leave either...I knew in my bones I would not survive another overseas assignment w/him alone and no work. Thanks, G

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way you’ve gotten contacted twice for the affordable housing lottery, OP. I live in NYC and have one family member and one friend who got it in separate years. I don’t know what or who contacted you, but there is no way, zero, that what you think you’ve received is what PP’s described.

Please don’t analogize to reparations or claim that emotional isolation is tantamount to DV. It’s not going to help you in the broader world with a broader audience. As harsh as some have been, I do think some are trying to help by explaining how things come across if you’re not knee-deep in State Dept experiences.

My name came up on the list and I was told I didn't meet the qualifications twice. I am not on here lying! IDK if that meant I was chosen, but I was screened out twice! This is my son and paying what is due to him is breaking some serious code or promise made by his father, hence my analogy to breaking a promise to a people. It's my family and my comparision...it's that important to me. And DO NOT DARE tell me that what happened to me was NOT DV. It was NOT just "emotional isolation!" You have NO IDEA! So shut your mouth. How DARE YOU! You have NO IDEA what that man has done and what he has put me through. I know EXACTLY what is DV and EXACTLY what I have been through and interesting herjustice attorneys and my DV advocate say this is one of the worst cases they have seen! But you- the expert judging from the sidelines knows everything...Obviously, I am not dead, but I did flatline twice. And I left out the part where he made sure I knew he could murder me and get away with it. I can't put 20-years into this blog, but you sure can stop judging about stuff you don't know or understand. If a woman says she was abused- believe her.

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be wrong but both you and your son are adults so even though your ex wronged you, its water under the bridge. You guys need to move on and build your own lives. He isn't responsible for either of you as you aren't married and kid isn't a minor.

Truth. For me, maybe a little like reparations are for many Black Americans (bc they've not been paid and were promised, which I am sympathetic to), it's more the principle of him lying and ripping off my kid. How could he lie to our child and cheat our child? He didn't do anything. But that's his karma and my kid will be great, regardless. And yes, my son and I are healing and focusing on us and re-building our relationship so we don't have a trauma bond and we can enjoy each other more. I have encouraged him to contend with his father rather than just cut him out, bc I think we all owe our parents something, but I am not pushing him, bc maybe it's safer he keeps his distance until he figures it out. We have been alone for most of his life, so now is no different. It's all good- seeing him do so well- so thank you! G

Oh wow.

I mean I’ve never sided with a man in divorce before but I see why she’s the issue.

Lady, the point is emotional abuse is hard to prove. If you’re entitled to money use one of the plethora of resources shared to get it in court. If none of the clinics take your case it’s probably because you don’t have one. At all.

Oh, sure, as if I haven't tried. Be quiet and side w/the perp and be part of the problem for women, IDC, it's a crack on your soul, not mine. No, that's not why they didn't take my case- they didn't take it bc it's not in NYC and NYC attorneys don't practice in Norristown, PA. Nice try...But I am afraid your ugliness is just that and not helpful. I am a sh!tload smarter than you think and if this makes you side w/ a perp POS, then you're not far from that yourself.

[GenLeRoy]

Anonymous wrote:

GenLeRoy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get 100s of job offers a day? Do you mean those travel agencies that reach out to you saying they have assignments available? Those aren't job offers....

RNs get at least 100 offers a day...I have 50 recruiters programmed into my phone alone and had to change my #. The rest I get in email bc of Indeed and I am in all their data banks. You're not a nurse, are you? Oh, so you don't know wtf you're talking about. Nice attempt at a dis, but you lose...

I didn't mention I am a fighter, did I? That's the only way I stayed alive and the only way I kept my kid from a monster. I refused to share legal custody. And I have full legal custody. I refused to sign for a dip passport and my kid doesn't have a dip passport.

Very intelligent and powerful people get traumatized and develop PTSD, which can really hurt their ability to function in everyday life, but it doesn't make them a drooling idiot.

I am an RN. Those aren't actual job offers as in you still need to pass interviews to get them. Its not like you just call and say "I accept the offer!". The company still has to accept you and then you still need to interview at the hospital. I'm well familiar with them as I also get probably 50 a day and I used to be a travel RN so I know how it works.

Clearly, if you're a nurse, you understood what I meant. No, they're not formal offers, they're jobs where RNs are needed and I look at each one and decide if I can handle it safely and if it will work. So, can't believe I am explaining this to a NURSE!