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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
From US diplomat (trailing spouse) to squatter
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GenLeRoy
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Thanks. No way would I give them up...In fact, they're part of why I am pushing ahead. |
GenLeRoy
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Thanks. No way would I give them up...In fact, they're part of why I am pushing ahead. |
GenLeRoy
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Gosh, I am not sure if you're hearing how emotionally abusive this guy is/was? Would you have fun living with a stone-cold, covert narcisstic with cluster b tendancies who didn't make eye contact with you or talk to you or sleep in your room? Sounds like a BLAST when the kid leaves. I would rather poke my eyes out with a sharp stick than have stayed with him, especially w/o my son. He was the only good thing about that marraige. |
GenLeRoy
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I love this! Thanks! I think you're 100% right about accepting the injustice (at least or us) and then maybe one day trying to help other women. Everything is telling me to drop court. So what that he literally makes double now too (I filed FOIA) and that's just the beginning. He's a pr!ck and he gets to live with being a bad, but rich, father for the rest of his life. I wouldn't want that burden...Thanks! Glad you made it! |
GenLeRoy
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Not true. It's about who files first. He filed under no-fault. If I had filed, I would have filed w/fault and every time I tried to talk, I was silenced. I know exactly what I am talking about...Been doing it for 5-years. |
GenLeRoy
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I don't have one. They don't appoint them in family law cases. You have to pay and I have no $. Legal aid can't help bc I am in NYC and it's in PA. I have tried 100 x... Whatever, it doesn't matter. That's pretty much over. It just was traumatizing to not be able to speak about MY FAMILY. |
GenLeRoy
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Yes, I think it's incredibly clear bc I stated that I was emotionally and mentally not well. And also stated I was getting help. Thanks for your heartfelt concern. |
Anonymous
OP is absolutely lucid, intelligent, articulate, and informed. You? Not so much. To you OP: You’re an incredible mother. You know this because it comes through in your writing. 90% of your goal was achieved because you got your son through it all and to the other side. He’s in a Paris University and thriving! You can and will cross the finish line. Your determination is clear. You’re strong. You deserve happiness and contentment. Your son needs you to get to the other side. |
GenLeRoy
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OMG, thank you SO much! That's really sweet and I needed that! Women really need other women to get through. It's little things like that that have made all the difference. Many times, when I was on the phone with the bank or schools or whatever, just the operators encouraging me- it meant so much. I don't think men have any idea how hard it is. But thank you so much for your words. I thiink I did it and now I am going to make it! All the best! 
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GenLeRoy
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You're definitely a troll and I am unaffected by trolls and a-holes, so live your best life. I suggest a mirror. To look at you and how ugly and messed up you are. Judge away and see how that works out for you and makes you feel inside. |
Anonymous
You’re so very welcome! Here’s a suggestion: Excellent law schools in NY (and PA if need be) require supervised pro bono public interest work. Columbia, NYU, Fordham, Queens College, St. John’s University and others. “Students who have completed at least two semesters of law school and law school graduates engaged as law interns in a legal aid organization whose principal office is located in this department shall be authorized to render legal services to and represent only persons who are financially unable to pay for legal services. (5) in family court, when under immediate supervision, to render legal services on motions and in contested matters, and, when under general supervision of a supervising attorney, in uncontested matters.” https://www.nycourts.gov/ad3/admissions/805.5_ActivitiesOfEligibleLawSTudents.pdf Start here: The Legal Aid Society of NY https://legalaidnyc.org/take-action/volunteer-with-us/ The New York States Courts https://www.nycourts.gov/ Columbia University https://www.law.columbia.edu/careers/public-interest/pro-bono-requirement-and-program Fordham University https://www.fordham.edu/school-of-law/academics/registrars-office/bar-information/pro-bono-requirement/ https://www.fordham.edu/school-of-law/about/public-interest-and-service/ Hofstra University https://law.hofstra.edu/academics/pro-bono-work/ Queens College https://www.law.cuny.edu/students/student-affairs/pro-bono-public-service/ NYU https://www.law.nyu.edu/publicinterestlawcenter/forstudents/nys-bar-pro-bono-requirement#:~:text=Pro%20bono%20work%20at%20a,and%20still%20satisfy%20the%20requirement St. John’s University https://www.stjohns.edu/law/online-student-center/pro-bono#:~:text=As%20such%2C%20the%20law%20school,unrepresented%20clients%2C%20groups%20and%20interests |
Anonymous
Sorry. I didn't read all posts. I assumed if they stayed together for so long, it's salvageable. |
GenLeRoy
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You’re so very welcome! Here’s a suggestion: Excellent law schools in NY (and PA if need be) require supervised pro bono public interest work. Columbia, NYU, Fordham, Queens College, St. John’s University and others. “Students who have completed at least two semesters of law school and law school graduates engaged as law interns in a legal aid organization whose principal office is located in this department shall be authorized to render legal services to and represent only persons who are financially unable to pay for legal services. (5) in family court, when under immediate supervision, to render legal services on motions and in contested matters, and, when under general supervision of a supervising attorney, in uncontested matters.” https://www.nycourts.gov/ad3/admissions/805.5_ActivitiesOfEligibleLawSTudents.pdf Start here: The Legal Aid Society of NY https://legalaidnyc.org/take-action/volunteer-with-us/ The New York States Courts https://www.nycourts.gov/ Columbia University https://www.law.columbia.edu/careers/public-interest/pro-bono-requirement-and-program Fordham University https://www.fordham.edu/school-of-law/academics/registrars-office/bar-information/pro-bono-requirement/ https://www.fordham.edu/school-of-law/about/public-interest-and-service/ Hofstra University https://law.hofstra.edu/academics/pro-bono-work/ Queens College https://www.law.cuny.edu/students/student-affairs/pro-bono-public-service/ NYU https://www.law.nyu.edu/publicinterestlawcenter/forstudents/nys-bar-pro-bono-requirement#:~:text=Pro%20bono%20work%20at%20a,and%20still%20satisfy%20the%20requirement St. John’s University https://www.stjohns.edu/law/online-student-center/pro-bono#:~:text=As%20such%2C%20the%20law%20school,unrepresented%20clients%2C%20groups%20and%20interests Wow, thank you SO much for this! This must have taken a while to compile. I will call around, this one last time and cross my fingers and hope I get someone who will help. If I get no where, I will then just accept that, like we have heard for decades about the criminal justice system, that the family court is flawed and unfair and just move on...But I will have to spend the rest of my life helping other women going through this. THANK YOU for caring so much! IDK what women would do w/o other women!
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GenLeRoy
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Oh, sorry, I thought you saw that...Didn't mean to be defensive. Of all the things I did, that one was the best and most sane thing I did. Thanks for clarifying.
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Anonymous
I use to work in subsidized housing so I can give you some tips. You're right that it's extremely difficult to get a voucher in NYC without domestic violence preference. I hear you on your ex DH's emotional abuse, but in the end you're not likely to get this preference anyway because you're not actively fleeing abuse. You're already divorced/separated. This preference is for women who are living with abuser or are doubled up with family/in a shelter because they left an abusive husband. I don't think you're right that your income must match exactly what you entered. I was in NY, but not NYC, and that does not make sense. What is true is that you have to report an income on your application that is below an income threshhold. And then, when your number is called - it could take years - you have to be below the threshold. The threshhold may increase due to inflation. But there is no way that your income has to be exactly the same as what you originally reported. Even someone on a fixed income like Social Security gets an annual increase. People in poverty have fluctuating incomes. There is no way they expect your income to be exactly the same - only that it continues to be below their income limits. Furthermore, now that your son is in college, you need to find out whether you're considered a one family or two family household. If you're a one member household, the threshhold will be lower. And also, some of these lists give preferences to families with children under 18, or disabled people. Now that your son is 18, you won't qualify as a family. You should find out if you are considered disabled. For Section 8 vouchers, the process is not onerous, it's a form your doctor signs that looks like this: https://www.hud.gov/sites/documents/90103.PDF It's not as difficult as applying for Social Security disability. This form also helps you get consideration like extra time on deadlines, but it won't waive the income requirement. The other tip is to apply outside NYC. Upstate NY and Long Island have tons of small housing authorities with Section 8 vouchers. https://www.hud.gov/states/new_york/renting/hawebsites There are County-wide programs and also smaller village and township programs. CDCLI.org manages Nassau and Suffolk counties. Some of those waiting lists move significantly faster than the NYC one. You could get called up within a year. They will require you to live in their jurisdiction for one year. After a year, you can move anywhere in the US (it's called portability). If you can get the disability verification, then you could try to request a reasonable accommodation to use your voucher in NYC and waive the one year requirement. You would have to have sufficient reasons related to the disability (eg, a rare condition and network of doctors local to you that you can't leave). I wouldn't count on this, and you should assume you'll have to move, but it's only for a year. Once you have Section 8 it's forever and it's not easy to lose it. Furthermore, there are many "project based" Section 8 vouchers in the state, including some decent ones on Long Island, and you can get on their lists. Again, you'll be required to live in that apartment for one year before you can request to convert to a "tenant-based" voucher that allows you to move wherever you want. I can also recommend this blog for a lot of the tips and tricks how to advocate for yourself, write convincing letters, and demand appeals: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/ |