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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
From US diplomat (trailing spouse) to squatter
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Anonymous
She said he’s in university. |
Anonymous
| Isn’t your son technically an adult now if he’s in university? Why do you need an advocate to fight for custody? Seems like maybe you are putting energy into the wrong things. Focus on the money. |
Anonymous
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I know you have said CLO. I would suggest also reaching out to the FLO in Main State/DC. I think it's FLO@State.gov re the allowances specifically.
Sorry you have been through all of this adn I hope better days are ahread. |
Anonymous
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If you want practical help, I think you need to give more details of what you can do, education, part-time or temporary jobs you’ve had and why you live in NYC.
Yeah, we can be sorry for you but it’s best if we can help you. I divorced an FSO too, I was in a bad situation and without ant family in the US, took a job that paid $40k, had FT child custody and only got CS for 1 year. I’m in a much better place now, it took a lot of hard work and sacrifice. You can do this but you need to stop feeling like a victim. I know it’s hard to be s trailing spouse but I also know it’s a very cushy life, you’ve enjoyed it, it’s over, time to roll your sleeves and support yourself like everyone else. Good luck!! |
GenLeRoy
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Thank you! |
GenLeRoy
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Thanks. 
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GenLeRoy
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Thanks for this- he's 18 and by a miracle, I got him to the doorstep of college (it got dicey up to the end! His dad even reneged after agreeing to sign for his financial aid- THE NIGHT BEFORE IT WAS DUE!  ), so he's good for now [god-willing!]. I have no social support system at all in NYC, but I am hooked into a few agencies that are trying to help. But I am alone. It sucks. I was so social my entire life. Wow, what an about face! Who knew merely leaving him would upend my entire life!
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GenLeRoy
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It sucks. Trailing spouses and "trad wives" don't work out too well if they end in divorce (and sometimes if they do NOT end in divorce!). If I make it, I want to fight to make change...The [patriarchial] family court system is absolutely evil. Nothing should happen outside of mediation. |
GenLeRoy
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Thank you very much. I will contact them. I had a feeling women in DC were far more familiar with things associated with foreign service than anywhere else, even NYC. But FYI, our court case was in a small courthouse outside of Philly (the one who let Bill Cobsy out of jail!)! Thanks for your help. I will reach out. |
Anonymous
Your son is off in college, so now is a great time to start making friends and building up your network. Volunteer, go to events, get a job. You can do it. |
GenLeRoy
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Thank you! I should say, in case I was misleading, that I do have 1/2 of his pension from the date we separated, although he is trying to sue against it for those outstanding bills. But at least I have that, unless I somehow unwittingly signed that away, too. |
GenLeRoy
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There's a lot I am leaving out, but can you be more specific with what doesn't seem to be adding up? In my eyes, it is THIS much of an abomination. We were in the foreign service for 3 years before son was born and I left when he was 13. He's 18 now. But I can't get anyone to really take this on and I can't figure it out. Please ask me questions about what makes this not add up and I will fill in gaps. It really is this bad. |
GenLeRoy
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Because there was fault. In PA, there are 17-factors which affect how to file and he met 10 of them, one of which was not sleeping in the marital bed for a decade and abandonment, amongst other things. Clearly, I can't add 20-years of marriage and all of our issues here, I just highlighted the final end-result, which is what hurts the worst. There was definitely fault, which he had no problem admitting throughout the marriage ('You have grounds to divorce me!' 'I am the worst husband!' 'You have every right to have an affair!'), just not in the actual divorce. |
Anonymous
She's 100% functioning adult that can get a job. He doesn't owe her alimony for life. It's not like he makes huge amounts of money working for state either. If OP wants to continue to be a kept women she needs to find a man that is cool with that. |
GenLeRoy
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Thank you so much! I hope y'all are going strong and have a strong emotional connection, bc that's the only thing that can keep so much external stress managable. Thanks for posting! |