Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

Coffee has caffeine. I don't drink coffee, but I do drink tea. Caffeine speeds up the wake up process. So, it makes a longer wake-up cycle shorter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

You sound like starting to make lunch at 1:30 is a crime. Congratulations for eating lunch at 12 and dinner at 6.

[Anonymous]

What do all of these people have against hotels? Stay in a hotel if you don't want to encounter annoying relatives first thing in the morning (or if it's your house, don't invite boundary-lacking early risers to stay with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

You sound like starting to make lunch at 1:30 is a crime. Congratulations for eating lunch at 12 and dinner at 6.

DP. It's not a crime, but it makes them incompatible housemates. Once again: HOTEL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can’t get separate lodgings without causing rift with the in-laws.

PP that said I have the same problem. The last time the person was going to stay with us, I requested he stay elsewhere because it wasn’t a good time. He said ok and showed up at my house early every morning to “spend time with us.” He might as well have just stayed at our house. OP’s in-laws would probably do something similar.

Then you cause a rift with the in-laws.

I absolutely make my own travel and lodging arrangements for our family. I am not going to subject my family to alternate schedules and people who cannot respect boundaries. I'd rather not go than share lodgings under those conditions. When we've done that in the past, we've ended up with problems with crankiness and problems when we come home and need a lot of time to readjust. When we go and stay alone, we can keep our schedules and we don't end up with those problems. So, either we go on our terms, or we don't go.

At our family reunion in June, we had our own accommodations and our kids slept over with their cousin two of the four nights we were there. That worked because it was four nights in the middle of a 2 week vacation (we planned a vacation around the reunion). That worked fine having the sleepover in the middle. But we (my spouse and I) had our own schedule and we had time after the two nights to get the kids back on a more regular schedule.

Ding ding ding!

Either you set and maintain boundaries, rifts and all, or you acknowledge that you're making a choice not to ruffle feathers, at the cost of living with Morning Pouncers. Blaming people for who they are doesn't work. It sounds like no one in this scenario has interest in being flexible, neither MPs nor OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

Because coffee or tea makes that time more enjoyable. Any adult should be able to have an enjoyable hour or so without someone yammering at them.

[Anonymous]

I vote Hotel.

Lesser option: Take your coffee, without contact ideally drive away in your car (an errand you have to do .. if you have to answer), drive to a park and chill. Sleep. Read. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Also? There’s no evidence that coffee is harmful for you, and it has been proven to have many health benefits, unlike alcohol (and juice) and cigarettes. There’s little better in life than a little quiet morning time, and adding a coffee or tea ritual to it makes it all the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

I do occasionally like a joint with my late morning coffee. Especially on vacation. That sounds fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

Because coffee or tea makes that time more enjoyable. Any adult should be able to have an enjoyable hour or so without someone yammering at them.

It's not reasonable to go into a common space but expect people to not engage with you. If you can't stay out of the common space because doing so means going without your morning beverage, you have a dependency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

Because coffee or tea makes that time more enjoyable. Any adult should be able to have an enjoyable hour or so without someone yammering at them.

It's not reasonable to go into a common space but expect people to not engage with you. If you can't stay out of the common space because doing so means going without your morning beverage, you have a dependency.

Buzz off. Read the room. Take a hint.

[Anonymous]

I am a morning person, but I would never make a ton of noise or demand that others get up on my schedule, because I love to have the house to myself in the wee hours. Nor do I judge folks who sleep in--my worst case scenario is to vacation with another morning person.

Unfortunately, my MIL is a bit of a morning pouncer. So, when I stay with her, I mix up my routine, and go for a run before coffee. I can sneak outside without passing her perch in the kitchen.

I sweat like a pig when I run, so I barely even have to explain to her that I need a shower right when I get back. After my shower, I finally enter the kitchen for coffee, ready for all the questions.