Parents playing with their kids at playgrounds

[Anonymous]

I am a Millennial. I encourage my older child to approach and play with other kids, and I don’t let my younger child on the playground equipment if there are “big kids” around also using it. (If there aren’t then I do go on the structure before).

But I think the even bigger problem is that nobody comes to the playground anymore! They are empty even when it is beautiful out.

I agree that the parents scrolling on phones shouldn’t be on high horses. If I forget my book then I walk around.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Millennial parents have received the message that they need to be actively parenting their kid always to be seen as a good parent and if they let their kid play and go sit on their phone on the bench someone is going to think they’re a lazy mom. There’s been an overcorrection of how much we are expected to be engaged with our kids always in reaction to lazy latchkey parenting we got. Of course both are problematic in their own ways. So it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Millennial parents have received the message that they need to be actively parenting their kid always to be seen as a good parent and if they let their kid play and go sit on their phone on the bench someone is going to think they’re a lazy mom. There’s been an overcorrection of how much we are expected to be engaged with our kids always in reaction to lazy latchkey parenting we got. Of course both are problematic in their own ways. So it goes.

So much baked in misogyny. I was a latchkey kid because my mother worked full-time, and we lived in a community where kids free-ranged, and there were enough neighbor mothers who didn't work outside the home who kept an eye out as the kids roamed the neighborhood. I agree that millennial mothers might also be getting misogynistic messages that they have to be outwardly actively parenting to be seen as good mothers, but this kind of swoop-in parenting is pretty damaging for kids -they never learn to self-soothe or to be independent beings. Parents need to sublimate their own egos and control their own anxieties - let the kids figure out how to entertain themselves or interact with others without parental interventions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Millennial parents have received the message that they need to be actively parenting their kid always to be seen as a good parent and if they let their kid play and go sit on their phone on the bench someone is going to think they’re a lazy mom. There’s been an overcorrection of how much we are expected to be engaged with our kids always in reaction to lazy latchkey parenting we got. Of course both are problematic in their own ways. So it goes.

So much baked in misogyny. I was a latchkey kid because my mother worked full-time, and we lived in a community where kids free-ranged, and there were enough neighbor mothers who didn't work outside the home who kept an eye out as the kids roamed the neighborhood. I agree that millennial mothers might also be getting misogynistic messages that they have to be outwardly actively parenting to be seen as good mothers, but this kind of swoop-in parenting is pretty damaging for kids -they never learn to self-soothe or to be independent beings. Parents need to sublimate their own egos and control their own anxieties - let the kids figure out how to entertain themselves or interact with others without parental interventions.

Either kind of judgment is equally bad. Judging a mom for not sitting on the bench in that particular moment for not “sublimating her ego” is as misogynistic as judging her for sitting there.

Our relationship with our kids is about the sum total of moments not one particular one, and both sitting on the bench and playing lava tag together have their place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Millennial parents have received the message that they need to be actively parenting their kid always to be seen as a good parent and if they let their kid play and go sit on their phone on the bench someone is going to think they’re a lazy mom. There’s been an overcorrection of how much we are expected to be engaged with our kids always in reaction to lazy latchkey parenting we got. Of course both are problematic in their own ways. So it goes.

So much baked in misogyny. I was a latchkey kid because my mother worked full-time, and we lived in a community where kids free-ranged, and there were enough neighbor mothers who didn't work outside the home who kept an eye out as the kids roamed the neighborhood. I agree that millennial mothers might also be getting misogynistic messages that they have to be outwardly actively parenting to be seen as good mothers, but this kind of swoop-in parenting is pretty damaging for kids -they never learn to self-soothe or to be independent beings. Parents need to sublimate their own egos and control their own anxieties - let the kids figure out how to entertain themselves or interact with others without parental interventions.

As I said, both are problematic in their own ways. Each generation reacts to the way they were parented and does it different, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t come with its own negatives as well.

[Anonymous]

I find it bizarre you would not play with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe the millennial parents are remembering how sad it was to have mom and dad brush you off because theyd rather read a newspaper than play with us. Playing with our kids to fight the generational ghosts of our pasts. Being a playful engaged parent shouldn't be looked at like its ruining the children. It's objectively better for kids to have parents they trust.

And it’s objectively better for kids to know that they have competency and that their parents know that. A lot of mental health problems in teens come from this snowplow parenting but parents of younger ones may not be able to connect the dots. You don’t trust that your kid is competent enough to handle the playgrounds by themselves (with a watchful eye from a distance). That’s a problem.

[Anonymous]

Weird thread. I am a younger gen Xer, but often played with my kid at the playground. It was fun. Also, he is an only so he tends to think of us as people to play with. That said, I would also encourage him to do things on his own and would not interfere if he were playing with other kids.

[Anonymous]

One of my more inspired parenting moments was when I told my toddlers that growups are not allowed on the playground equipment.

[Anonymous]

I am in Europe for the summer where the playgrounds are packed with kids, and I started reading and translating this thread and the parents at the park were like, who are these nutzo parents who climb on playground equipment and/or inhibit the play of their kids with other kids. They couldn't believe it. They are like - go hiking or biking with your kids, let them play with other kids on the playground. I explained it was cultural - maybe it's a reaction to guns or crime or emotional damage with millennials - but it was just so foreign to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in Europe for the summer where the playgrounds are packed with kids, and I started reading and translating this thread and the parents at the park were like, who are these nutzo parents who climb on playground equipment and/or inhibit the play of their kids with other kids. They couldn't believe it. They are like - go hiking or biking with your kids, let them play with other kids on the playground. I explained it was cultural - maybe it's a reaction to guns or crime or emotional damage with millennials - but it was just so foreign to them.

You think parents are playing with their kids at the playground because of…guns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids will choose playing with us at the playground over playing with other kids everytime. So we play with them sometimes and other times say you have to play with other kids.

My kids are not good at getting started at playing with other kids. We practice things they can say and do to make it easier. But at the same time, they come to the playground to have a good time. We don't force it. So sometimes they just play by themselves (when we say no but they don't want to play with other kids). And that's fine too.

Occasionally they have a great time playing with other kids. And that's great too.

Kids are 4 and 7. As long as they're getting some good physical playing in, I'm happy. And all the better when I get to sit on the bench and read a book.

We, their parents, are not particularly social people. At a party, I'm absolutely going to spend the majority of the time talking to my spouse. Cats don't have dogs...

+1. My kids are 4, 22 months, and infant. I just want them to have a good time at the playground. If I need to help facilitate I will. Most of the time my 4 year old is doing the monkey bars, swinging, or climbing and my toddler is swinging or on the slide. I’m trying to prevent injuries more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in Europe for the summer where the playgrounds are packed with kids, and I started reading and translating this thread and the parents at the park were like, who are these nutzo parents who climb on playground equipment and/or inhibit the play of their kids with other kids. They couldn't believe it. They are like - go hiking or biking with your kids, let them play with other kids on the playground. I explained it was cultural - maybe it's a reaction to guns or crime or emotional damage with millennials - but it was just so foreign to them.

Oh, oh, oh Europeans think its nuts; well, that settles that. Perhaps it is cultural, that doesn't mean Americans are doing something wrong. And where are these rules written as to where and where not it is ok for a parent to play with their child? My 5 year old doesn't like hiking or biking (neither do I, really). She doesn't really like taking walks either. She loves the playground. Often we go with friends, and she plays with the other kids beautifully. The other parents and I don't interfere with their play. Sometimes she plays with kids she meets at the playground. Again, I don't interfere with that play. Sometimes she wants to play with me. Unless I'm exhausted, I'll play with her for like 15 minutes. I don't get on the equipment, but I will do like floor is lava kind of games or I'll play restaurant or cheer her on the monkey bars. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in Europe for the summer where the playgrounds are packed with kids, and I started reading and translating this thread and the parents at the park were like, who are these nutzo parents who climb on playground equipment and/or inhibit the play of their kids with other kids. They couldn't believe it. They are like - go hiking or biking with your kids, let them play with other kids on the playground. I explained it was cultural - maybe it's a reaction to guns or crime or emotional damage with millennials - but it was just so foreign to them.

You spontanesly started translating an american website to a group of parents on a playground in Europe? This is much more bizarre than playing with your kid.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have differing views on this. He doesn't play too much with the kids at home, but LOVES to take them to playgrounds and goes all out. He makes up games, chases them and swings with them.

I do tons of craft projects at home with the kids, pretend to be a customer of their grocery store, etc. But at playgrounds? No thanks. I'm here to sit and you can play with other kids. I often feel judged by other parents, but this is my break.