Parents playing with their kids at playgrounds

[Anonymous]

Do you ever encounter this phenomenon when there are multiple kids at a playground, but they are each playing with their caregiver (parent, nanny, etc.) and no other kid? A whole playground of parallel play? It's really unsettling.

My ideal setup at a playground is for the kids to go off to play and for me to sit, watch, relax, chat with other parents, and keep an eye on things from afar.

What gives?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I realized my title is a bit misleading, since it's generally awesome when parents play fun games with their kids at playgrounds, and I've seen some great ones.... But when it's nobody else, at all, it's weird.

[Anonymous]

As a gen-X parent of a young kid, I find this so bizarre. I refuse. I will give hugs and snacks, encourage kid to play by herself until others come, but that's it. However, I see millennial parents do it all of the time - or actively police the playground to make sure their kid gets the choice equipment. In one case, one of the parents spoke to my kid in loud (and poor) Spanish to ask her to move off the slide (We're Middle Eastern).

[Anonymous]

My kids will choose playing with us at the playground over playing with other kids everytime. So we play with them sometimes and other times say you have to play with other kids.

My kids are not good at getting started at playing with other kids. We practice things they can say and do to make it easier. But at the same time, they come to the playground to have a good time. We don't force it. So sometimes they just play by themselves (when we say no but they don't want to play with other kids). And that's fine too.

Occasionally they have a great time playing with other kids. And that's great too.

Kids are 4 and 7. As long as they're getting some good physical playing in, I'm happy. And all the better when I get to sit on the bench and read a book.

We, their parents, are not particularly social people. At a party, I'm absolutely going to spend the majority of the time talking to my spouse. Cats don't have dogs...

[Anonymous]

My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

Base don her follow-up comment I think OP takes issue with a playground full of kids where the kids not playing together since they are playing with their caregivers instead, and I actually can understand that concern. Kids should learn how to play with each other. And another element that is going on here is that millennial parents have been pressured to give their kids lots of attention. I've heard a lot of people shame parents for *not* playing with their kids at the playground, which is messed up.

I tend to sit on a bench at the playground while my husband actually plays with the kids. But other kids often join in so that makes it really fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

Base don her follow-up comment I think OP takes issue with a playground full of kids where the kids not playing together since they are playing with their caregivers instead, and I actually can understand that concern. Kids should learn how to play with each other. And another element that is going on here is that millennial parents have been pressured to give their kids lots of attention. I've heard a lot of people shame parents for *not* playing with their kids at the playground, which is messed up.

I tend to sit on a bench at the playground while my husband actually plays with the kids. But other kids often join in so that makes it really fun.

+1

The playground is not just place for physical activity, but also a place for kids can practice their social skills and so I understand what OP means by unsettling. She’s not saying that kids playing with Parents is bad.

[Anonymous]

I was wonder if Covid impacted this. In our case I think it did. There was a year during a pretty critical time in my kids life where playing with other kids at the playground wasn’t really an option— in our extremely Covid conscious neighborhood, everyone masked at playgrounds for pretty much the entire first year of Covid, and parents basically didn’t allow their kids to play with other kids.

So we got into the habit of playing with her, and while now she will play with other kids, if she doesn’t meet a kid who wants to do what she wants to do, she’ll still ask us to play. Sometimes I encourage her to play on her own instead, sometimes I join in.

[Anonymous]

I am like OP and don’t play with my kid at playgrounds. I do usually go with a friend though, so she has someone to play with and I have someone to chat to.
I don’t see parents interacting a whole lot but when I do I just tell myself that maybe they work a lot, or travel a lot, and this is some time they have and want to connect with their kids. I try not to be judgy.

[Anonymous]

The playgrounds in dmv tend to be pretty empty and people come and play in the group they came with. I think in part because there are so many double income families, most kids are in daycare and not free playing. I am so glad my kids grew up in playgrounds full of kids who mixed easily with each other (present day, not in yesteryear) before we relocated here. Some playgrounds here in dmv are nice and social, but still not full of kids.

I agree many millennials tend to hover around and over manage their kids, like they’re afraid the kids’ feelings are fragile if they interact with other kids, and that they will hurt themselves at any turn. I dealt with one such parent yesterday. She was so certain my kid was in the wrong for punching hers in the face until further investigation revealed hers was physically assaulting all the other kids. The other kids all were so thankful my kid put a stop to it and had become a hero. The mom was very surprised to learn her kid was a bully and the instigator. She didn’t say anything after that other than she stopped accusing my son. I don’t know if it’s because some millennials were sheltered and didn’t have normal interactions with others?

Back to the subject—I think this is a regional and generational phenomenon and it is too bad.

[Anonymous]

How old? I'm a millennial parent. When kids are young they parallel play naturally. The older they get the more they interact with their peers. My older children totally ignore me. My younger kids want to hang with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old? I'm a millennial parent. When kids are young they parallel play naturally. The older they get the more they interact with their peers. My older children totally ignore me. My younger kids want to hang with me.

This is the elementary forum so I think OP means around 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Part of my 1:1 time with my kid is playing together at the playground whether they're are kids there or not.

My 3rd kid is shy and quiet (introverted) so she doesn't gravitate towards group play at the playground. She's more content pretending/serve me mulch tea or on the swing and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

Base don her follow-up comment I think OP takes issue with a playground full of kids where the kids not playing together since they are playing with their caregivers instead, and I actually can understand that concern. Kids should learn how to play with each other. And another element that is going on here is that millennial parents have been pressured to give their kids lots of attention. I've heard a lot of people shame parents for *not* playing with their kids at the playground, which is messed up.

I tend to sit on a bench at the playground while my husband actually plays with the kids. But other kids often join in so that makes it really fun.

+1

The playground is not just place for physical activity, but also a place for kids can practice their social skills and so I understand what OP means by unsettling. She’s not saying that kids playing with Parents is bad.

When I was a SAHM, and my kids weren't in preschool yet, then I'd take them to the playground and think of it as a great chance for me to sit and check in with my mom, or talk to an adult, or nurse the baby, while they played and practiced their social skills. That was a great use of their time on the playground.

When I was back at work, and DH or I chose to take my kids, who had spent the week socializing at daycare/school, to the park and play and connect with them, that was also a great use of their time on the playground.

To describe either as "unsettling" is bizarre and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

That’s not parenting. That’s entertaining them in the role of a child. It’s part of the expectations of intensive parenting, which is a brand new thing in human history (mid 1990s in richer industrialized countries).

My husband is better at it than me.