Parents playing with their kids at playgrounds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I played with my kids, because I wanted to. I'm a child at heart. Other kids joined in. It was fun. I cherish that memory now they're teens.

It doesn't have to be a dichotomy, OP. Not every little social observation has to merge into "tHe Next geNeratiOn is So screWed and All parentS sUck eXcept mE" game that every generation has been playing for centuries. Literally. Plato had a few remarks about it in the 4th century.

exactly, by the time they're 10 they won't want to play with me anymore, so happy to have some fun while they still want to. this thread cracks me up!

[Anonymous]

Gen X parent here, kids almost grown. I was the classic "go play and have fun with other kids while I sit here" mom. I have also noticed how Millennial parents play at the playground with their kids (in my case, I am now power walking past, not hanging out at the playground, obviously).

My theory? Watching your kids on the playground -- more to the point, watching your kid occasionally get overlooked or rejected, e.g., you can't play with us or you can't play with my toys -- is painful for any parent.

For my generation of parents, it was important to hang back and let our kids learn how to deal with this type of playground politics, which is a metaphor for adult life. You don't always get what you want, it doesn't always go your way, sometimes other people don't want to include you, it's how you deal with it that counts. We would talk about it on the way home from the playground.

Where I'm going with this is that maybe Millennial parents do not want to see their kid handle the pain of rejection that other kids will inevitably offer up on occasion? They are effectively blocking other kids from "hurting" their kid by being a human shield to keep other kids from getting too close and making the *parent* feel pained. The downside is that these kids do not learn how to handle situations, and sort through their emotions.

Anyway, that's my theory.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your narrow, petty, little mind can stretch to understand that there are different kinds of parenting that work for different kinds of people. Some adults are "sit on a bench" sort of parents. Some adults are "engage with their kids" sort of people. It depends on their inborn character traits, and perhaps what they experienced in their own childhoods. It all works out in the end and the planet still spins on its axis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe your narrow, petty, little mind can stretch to understand that there are different kinds of parenting that work for different kinds of people. Some adults are "sit on a bench" sort of parents. Some adults are "engage with their kids" sort of people. It depends on their inborn character traits, and perhaps what they experienced in their own childhoods. It all works out in the end and the planet still spins on its axis.

Are you talking to me, the Gen X mom who posted above? I'm not sure why you are so sarcastic, and mean. Maybe I touched a nerve. I will tell you that my young adult children are well-adjusted, young adults who can navigate problems, and problem people, quite well. And without my help. They learned how to deal with people on the playground, in real time, in a non-structured environment. They didn't have me always hovering, always distracting, always keeping other kids at bay. Younger parents might not even realize what they're doing in serving as an emotional human shield, it may be subliminal. Maybe they are not connecting the dots. Or it's narcissism. Narcissists attach their kids to their hip, there is very little breathing room. Look at me, talk to me, only. So there's that, too.

Let the kids learn to play with other kids. It will serve them well in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe your narrow, petty, little mind can stretch to understand that there are different kinds of parenting that work for different kinds of people. Some adults are "sit on a bench" sort of parents. Some adults are "engage with their kids" sort of people. It depends on their inborn character traits, and perhaps what they experienced in their own childhoods. It all works out in the end and the planet still spins on its axis.

+1000

Read the above, OP.

[Anonymous]

Kids usually don’t want to play with strangers on the playground. They would rather play with a caregiver, and not all kids have siblings to play with.

[Anonymous]

I do not expect my kids to play with strangers at a playground. I expect them to run, climb and get other types of physical activity we do t get in our house. I do not play with them because I don’t want to interrupt their process of figuring out what to do.

If we see someone we know, we play with them and chat with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids do both with occasionally. They'll ask to play tag or the ground is lava. If they ask us to join, why should we say no?.... Just because you don't want to engage with your child at the playground? Some days we spend 2 hours at the playground, go home shower and go to bed. So if we didn't engage with them there we literally would have no interaction with them for the day is that we work long hours....

These threads are wild.... Who would have thought people would complain about parents actually parenting their children?.

Base don her follow-up comment I think OP takes issue with a playground full of kids where the kids not playing together since they are playing with their caregivers instead, and I actually can understand that concern. Kids should learn how to play with each other. And another element that is going on here is that millennial parents have been pressured to give their kids lots of attention. I've heard a lot of people shame parents for *not* playing with their kids at the playground, which is messed up.

I tend to sit on a bench at the playground while my husband actually plays with the kids. But other kids often join in so that makes it really fun.

+1

The playground is not just place for physical activity, but also a place for kids can practice their social skills and so I understand what OP means by unsettling. She’s not saying that kids playing with Parents is bad.

When I was a SAHM, and my kids weren't in preschool yet, then I'd take them to the playground and think of it as a great chance for me to sit and check in with my mom, or talk to an adult, or nurse the baby, while they played and practiced their social skills. That was a great use of their time on the playground.

When I was back at work, and DH or I chose to take my kids, who had spent the week socializing at daycare/school, to the park and play and connect with them, that was also a great use of their time on the playground.

To describe either as "unsettling" is bizarre and judgmental.

What's unsettling to OP isn't *your* particular choice, it's seeing a bunch of kids at a playground playing with their caregivers instead of each other.

OP is leading a charmed life if that is what she chooses to "unsettle" about. Live and let live. There are no rules for playground play.

I disagree that there are no rules, but I don't really care if parents are playing with their kids or watching their kids EXCEPT when they are climbing all over play structures meant for 5-12 year olds. It seems to be mostly the moms who do this. Often they're in the way of kids trying to play on the structure and often it's because they're playing with their young child who is too young for that particular structure. Knock yourself out playing with your kids, but you don't have to climb on the structure meant for and built for kids to do so.

[Anonymous]

People really misconstruing what OP sand taking it personally. It’s weird seeing a bunch of kids on the playground playing with their parents instead of their peers. And these parents tend to act like helicopters/human shields.

Individual cases like parents who work and this is the only time you have with your kids—that’s understandable but not what the OP is talking about. It’s the human shield-like behavior of the parents. I guess if you go to a “normal” playground and see kids who don’t know each other mixing well with each other, you will see the difference. The parents at a normal playground are only there if the kid is a toddler and prone to falling. The helicopter parents hover there even if the kid moves around effortlessly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X parent here, kids almost grown. I was the classic "go play and have fun with other kids while I sit here" mom. I have also noticed how Millennial parents play at the playground with their kids (in my case, I am now power walking past, not hanging out at the playground, obviously).

My theory? Watching your kids on the playground -- more to the point, watching your kid occasionally get overlooked or rejected, e.g., you can't play with us or you can't play with my toys -- is painful for any parent.

For my generation of parents, it was important to hang back and let our kids learn how to deal with this type of playground politics, which is a metaphor for adult life. You don't always get what you want, it doesn't always go your way, sometimes other people don't want to include you, it's how you deal with it that counts. We would talk about it on the way home from the playground.

Where I'm going with this is that maybe Millennial parents do not want to see their kid handle the pain of rejection that other kids will inevitably offer up on occasion? They are effectively blocking other kids from "hurting" their kid by being a human shield to keep other kids from getting too close and making the *parent* feel pained. The downside is that these kids do not learn how to handle situations, and sort through their emotions.

Anyway, that's my theory.

Your theory is basic and boring

Yes, the whole generational analysis is so tiresome.

[Anonymous]

There are some confused PPs who seem to believe that parents playing with their children is in itself bad or harmful. It's not. The issue is if there is a lack of playing and socializing with their peers. As long as kids get plenty of that (days and weeks are long, people), some playtime with parents is actually nice.

It's bizarre to judge how a parent chooses to interact or not on the playground because you are seeing a tiny sliver of the child's day (and week). I work two days a week in the summer and my young ES is in camp all day those days. If you see us on the playground in the late afternoon/evening on those days, I might very well be playing with her (if she has asked me to). She's been socializing with peers all day, and I haven't seen her much.

But if you see us at the playground M, W, F or the weekend, I will be on a bench reading or chatting with adults because we'll have had plenty of time together otherwise, and I do want her to practice socializing with her peers in a casual setting like a playground.

There's really nothing more to it than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really misconstruing what OP sand taking it personally. It’s weird seeing a bunch of kids on the playground playing with their parents instead of their peers. And these parents tend to act like helicopters/human shields.

Individual cases like parents who work and this is the only time you have with your kids—that’s understandable but not what the OP is talking about. It’s the human shield-like behavior of the parents. I guess if you go to a “normal” playground and see kids who don’t know each other mixing well with each other, you will see the difference. The parents at a normal playground are only there if the kid is a toddler and prone to falling. The helicopter parents hover there even if the kid moves around effortlessly.

*said and, not sand

[Anonymous]

I cant believe parents on here would rather other parents scroll DCUM than play with their kids AND JUDGE THEM for playing with their kids?! WTAF am I reading?

If you want to be a lazy unengaged parent that's fine, but let the rest of us play with our kids if we want. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People play with their kids at the playground? I thought the whole point of the playground was for kids to play independently? I'll maybe push a kid on the swing or merry-go-round, but that's the level of my involvement.

Some of the new super involved parenting stuff is a bit much. Of course I'm Gen X and am very independent which is something I want to foster in my children.

+1. Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really misconstruing what OP sand taking it personally. It’s weird seeing a bunch of kids on the playground playing with their parents instead of their peers. And these parents tend to act like helicopters/human shields.

Individual cases like parents who work and this is the only time you have with your kids—that’s understandable but not what the OP is talking about. It’s the human shield-like behavior of the parents. I guess if you go to a “normal” playground and see kids who don’t know each other mixing well with each other, you will see the difference. The parents at a normal playground are only there if the kid is a toddler and prone to falling. The helicopter parents hover there even if the kid moves around effortlessly.

OP, was your gripe was with "human-shield like" behavior, like parents actually disallowing other children to join their play? I didn't get that from the post at all. She just seemed annoyed at the prevalence of parents playing with children.