Getting so much crap for wanting a vacation house of our own- thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in thinking that the cabin they but will be exclusively for the use of her own family.

Oh really? I mean, OP and DH will have one, maybe two sets of keys. They aren’t required to hand them over to anyone. What are OP’s parents going to do, break in?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely get your own OP! If I could buy a vacation home for $200k an hour from my home in a place I like visiting, I’d do it tomorrow! Sadly such places don’t exist near here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in thinking that the cabin they but will be exclusively for the use of her own family.

Oh really? I mean, OP and DH will have one, maybe two sets of keys. They aren’t required to hand them over to anyone. What are OP’s parents going to do, break in?

OP has let herself be walked over all these years. Guaranteed the siblings are going to come barging in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in thinking that the cabin they but will be exclusively for the use of her own family.

Oh really? I mean, OP and DH will have one, maybe two sets of keys. They aren’t required to hand them over to anyone. What are OP’s parents going to do, break in?

OP has let herself be walked over all these years. Guaranteed the siblings are going to come barging in.

Sadly, there's some truth to this. We bought a vacation home near some family members, and the demand from other family members to use the house was truly eye-opening. They viewed it as part of the family compound and would not take a no for answer. We tried to set our boundaries, which was well worth our sanity, but it definitely strained the relationship and took years for it to return to normal.

Given OP's family history, it would not surprise me at all that her siblings will view their cabin as part of the family vacation hangout. I would have firm boundaries but also expect initial fallout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your own place. Set it up with bunk/twin/trundle beds in one bedroom for your kid so it a kids room. Set some guidelines for your siblings about who gets to use it and when. Expect all those 20 somethings are going to try to take over your space - maybe something like “when we are using our bedrooms there is a 8pm quiet time enforced.”

Don’t invite the 20 somethings!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in thinking that the cabin they but will be exclusively for the use of her own family.

Oh really? I mean, OP and DH will have one, maybe two sets of keys. They aren’t required to hand them over to anyone. What are OP’s parents going to do, break in?

OP has let herself be walked over all these years. Guaranteed the siblings are going to come barging in.

NP but I love my 20 something siblings. As long as I have my own bedroom (and my kids as well), my party animal twin sisters and their BFs can come anytime and crash in our living room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:get an airstream and bring it with you when you visit! or take it somewhere else! win! win!

Ooh I like this idea! More comfortable when you visit them, but you aren't tied to buying a house.

[Anonymous]

OP- ironically, a house on my mom's lake (but other side of it- not walkable) came up this morning that ticks all of our boxes and then some- mostly updated, 3bd/2ba with unfinished garage loft, furnished, hardscaped, master bath, master walks out to the patio, couple blocks to the beach. DH and I are running up there to see it as stuff has been selling in a few days. It's being sold fully furnished and looks ready to airbnb if we wanted. Fingers crossed!

[Anonymous]

At your inlaws I don't understand why you don't get a bedroom. Kids can all sleep on the floor of their parents' bedroom and can easily be put to bed before adults go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At your inlaws I don't understand why you don't get a bedroom. Kids can all sleep on the floor of their parents' bedroom and can easily be put to bed before adults go to bed.

The 3rd bedroom has two sets of toddler sized bunks with maybe 2ft floor space between them.

[Anonymous]

Add me to the list of people who would never agree to those sleeping conditions. So getting my own place would allow me to go at all. Plus it sounds like your kids are not far from out growing that 3rd bedroom. I’d rather rent myself but if you want a cabin I guess go for it but please don’t let anyone stay with you!!!

It’s really nice to rent the same property repeatedly. You know what you are going to get but it’s no work for you. I would personally strongly prefer a regular place at each lake. I’m sure your in laws realize you are never going to their cabin again, so I sort of understand why they are disappointed. Your husband is ok with this plan to not be near his family again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is naive in thinking that the cabin they but will be exclusively for the use of her own family.

Oh really? I mean, OP and DH will have one, maybe two sets of keys. They aren’t required to hand them over to anyone. What are OP’s parents going to do, break in?

OP has let herself be walked over all these years. Guaranteed the siblings are going to come barging in.

Sadly, there's some truth to this. We bought a vacation home near some family members, and the demand from other family members to use the house was truly eye-opening. They viewed it as part of the family compound and would not take a no for answer. We tried to set our boundaries, which was well worth our sanity, but it definitely strained the relationship and took years for it to return to normal.

Given OP's family history, it would not surprise me at all that her siblings will view their cabin as part of the family vacation hangout. I would have firm boundaries but also expect initial fallout.

That’s on you. That’s your choice and no one else’s. You’re acting like they are bad guys, but it’s you who is just a weakling. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree about the 1/3 of a house. We have this exact situation in our future and I dread it. DH has 2 brothers, 1 never married and the other is barely scraping by with a few kids. I have no idea how they are going to chip in to help maintain or contribute to upkeep. Would rather get our own place.

You don't have to dread it. If your DH dreads it too, then the two of you do the mature thing you must do, and DH tells his parents that he and you agree you don't want any share in the house at all. Let them leave it 50-50 to the two brothers or sell it while the in-laws are still alive to sell it, or whatever. Seriously. Remove yourselves from the equation. But you must do it now, while DH's parents are still alive. If your DH is worried that this news will upset his parents, there is a larger problem with his family being overly emotional about a house.

If the in-laws still leave it to all three sons in their will-- that's their prerogative if they choose not to listen to your DH -- DH has to be tough enough to say that he is ceding his third and the other two brothers get the house. There are legal ways to do this, PP. I would not expect the other two to buy you out; sounds like they don't have the funds.

I would never co-own property with anyone other than my spouse. It's asking for trouble, rifts, anger, resentments over years, especially if you already can see that you and DH will end up doing upkeep on a place the other brothers will expect to use fully. Just nip it NOW. All the emotion around vacation houses is just horrible and people need to tell that older generation, "I've enjoyed this place but don't want to be left it, or any portion of it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Vacation homes are a lot of maintenance. You need to keep things at every house you own and spend time in, otherwise it's a hassle to bring it every time. Also, after a while it gets boring. Keep in mind that it might be relaxing now, while your kids are young, but after a certain age, they'll get bored, and you might prefer to bring them on international destinations that are a lot more fun, interesting and mind-opening.

2. There is no way I would stay in your relatives' homes given the accommodations you've just described, unless you go when it's empty! But then, there's no way I'd spend time in the same spot every year either...

DP here to say the bold is right. OP, your kids are 5 and 2, ages when the same vacation spot over the years is charming and "feels like home" etc. But as they get older, they may love the lakeside house (your own or the relatives') at times but they and you also may want to travel more. The kids may prefer camps and doing things with friends to going to the lake yet again. You already said, OP, that your family does travel a lot. I'd look ahead to more travel to new places rather than tying the family down to a place that's nice to visit when the kids are this small but will become all too familiar as they get older and their horizons broaden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get an airstream and bring it with you when you visit! or take it somewhere else! win! win!

Ooh I like this idea! More comfortable when you visit them, but you aren't tied to buying a house.

NP here. DH did this, and it was literally a living hell that scarred him for life. If everyone gets along (in the airstream), the airstream is fine, but if there are small children who are aggressive (passively or otherwise) to one or more siblings, then no.