Getting so much crap for wanting a vacation house of our own- thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Op, your sleeping situation is objectively inferior to the other sleeping situations in each house. What do your parents and in-laws say about that? Why do you get the crap sleeping arrangements?

[Anonymous]

Personally I'd just rent a different cabin. It seems like a hassle to buy. I think the current arrangement won't last-- as soon as one more of your siblings has kids, that will be the tipping point and you'll be able to ally as a faction and rent a "quiet house" together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this even a discussion? Do what you want and TELL—don’t ask them—what you are doing.

Grow up.

+1
You are old enough that this shouldn’t even be a discussion. Also, your current options sound hellish. I wouldn’t go if you paid me. Not to mention your kids are about to get too big for slumber pods and too curious about partying relatives. Cut the cord asap and do your own thing

[Anonymous]

Go ahead and buy and let them know after you have closed the deal and own it.

[Anonymous]

Buy a cabin. Send announcement email. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s funny that you think this is an “extreme first world problem.” Not in DCUMland. Nobody here wants a cheesy little lake house that a couple in their early 30s can afford. The folks here could buy ten of them.

I wouldn’t start thinking of buying a second home until you’re swimming in money,
OP. Are you?

Disagree. We bought a beach home in Rehoboth in early 30s. Has tripled in value and we may early retire there. Great investment.

[Anonymous]

If you know you want to buy, then buy. At a minimum I would be renting something the times you are visiting. I can only hope you are exaggerating how bad it is.

[Anonymous]

They will 100% cut you out of the property inheritance since “you already have your own.” NBD, just don’t be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will 100% cut you out of the property inheritance since “you already have your own.” NBD, just don’t be surprised.

No big loss. Would just be a fight with siblings over maintenance, taxes, and equal time. Doesn't sound like anyone has much money here if they tolerated 15 people or more in a tiny cabin.

[Anonymous]

Both situations sound like hell to me. I'm an introvert and I've learned sleeping in an open room (with partying drunk people??!?) is a no-go. I need a room with a closed door. Luckily my H is on the same page so we have rented places if the sleeping arrangements are not enough for the amount of people staying during family vacations.

If you have the money, and want a place of your own and all that entails, then go for it! Why not? You can go whenever you want and even rent it to friends you trust. Who cares if the parents are VEHEMENTLY against it? they are making grown adults and young children sleep in the same area as drunk people! Good grief. If your H and you are on the same page then do it. You don't need permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will 100% cut you out of the property inheritance since “you already have your own.” NBD, just don’t be surprised.

No big loss. Would just be a fight with siblings over maintenance, taxes, and equal time. Doesn't sound like anyone has much money here if they tolerated 15 people or more in a tiny cabin.

Seriously. And if this offends your family, too bad. When they realize how much nicer it is to not be constantly stress-testing the infrastructure, they'll get on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both situations sound like hell to me. I'm an introvert and I've learned sleeping in an open room (with partying drunk people??!?) is a no-go. I need a room with a closed door. Luckily my H is on the same page so we have rented places if the sleeping arrangements are not enough for the amount of people staying during family vacations.

If you have the money, and want a place of your own and all that entails, then go for it! Why not? You can go whenever you want and even rent it to friends you trust. Who cares if the parents are VEHEMENTLY against it? they are making grown adults and young children sleep in the same area as drunk people! Good grief. If your H and you are on the same page then do it. You don't need permission.

I would not continue to keep talking about it to get "so much crap" because I'd just walk in one day like "Surprise! We're your new neighbors!". At this point in life you tell your family what you're doing you don't ask them when the decisions have nothing to do with them. You're not children anymore who need mommy and daddy's permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both situations sound like hell to me. I'm an introvert and I've learned sleeping in an open room (with partying drunk people??!?) is a no-go. I need a room with a closed door. Luckily my H is on the same page so we have rented places if the sleeping arrangements are not enough for the amount of people staying during family vacations.

If you have the money, and want a place of your own and all that entails, then go for it! Why not? You can go whenever you want and even rent it to friends you trust. Who cares if the parents are VEHEMENTLY against it? they are making grown adults and young children sleep in the same area as drunk people! Good grief. If your H and you are on the same page then do it. You don't need permission.

I would not continue to keep talking about it to get "so much crap" because I'd just walk in one day like "Surprise! We're your new neighbors!". At this point in life you tell your family what you're doing you don't ask them when the decisions have nothing to do with them. You're not children anymore who need mommy and daddy's permission.

^ to add, I'm agreeing with the PP about OP not needing permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s funny that you think this is an “extreme first world problem.” Not in DCUMland. Nobody here wants a cheesy little lake house that a couple in their early 30s can afford. The folks here could buy ten of them.

I wouldn’t start thinking of buying a second home until you’re swimming in money,
OP. Are you?

Disagree. We bought a beach home in Rehoboth in early 30s. Has tripled in value and we may early retire there. Great investment.

Unless it’s under water by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fully realize this is an extreme first world problem. Both my parents and my in laws have vacation cabins on lakes.

My family: DH and I (early 30s), 5yo, 2yo, German shepherd.

My parents' cabin: 2bd/1ba. I have two younger siblings still dating their SOs and in the fun/party stage. My mom offers an open invite to her sister and my 3 cousins who also all have SOs and dogs. It almost always ends up my parents in one bedroom, my aunt in the other, 4-10 drunk 20 somethings up til 2am then sprawled across couches, chairs, and floors to sleep. Plus 1-4 dogs. Then my kids in slumber pods and DH and I on an air mattress all in the corner of the living room. Even when I push my kids til their latest bedtime they can barely make it to 9pm and we do bedtime with a party going on around them. Then they're up at 7am and all the hungover people are annoyed when I try to get them dressed and pee and take them outside for a few hours while everyone else sleeps.

My in law's cabin: Dh's brother has a wife and 3 kids ages 5, 2, baby, and big dog. In laws have their bedroom, BIL and SIL and baby take a bedroom, and then the 4 kids ages 2-5 get the 3rd (which is total insanity at these ages). Dh and I have an airbed on the living room floor next to the bathroom door with the 2 dogs.

Recently, DH and I have been going to look at cabins for ourselves and our parents are VEHEMENTLY against it. They say it's ridiculous to buy one when we already have two to stay at for free whenever we want. They also keep reminding us that we will eventually inherit 1/2 of inlaws and 1/3 of my parents. All of our parents are mid 60s so (hopefully!) that won't happen for 20ish more years when my kids are mid 20s and Dh and I are mid 50s.

I'd love to decorate, get to keep our things (clothes, towels, swim/beach gear, wagon, toiletries) so we don't have to schlepp all the time, host friends, have a space for us all to sleep, be on our own schedule, make family memories while my kids are really getting into fun active ages, etc.

What say you, DCUM? Are we nuts for wanting our own vacation home?

Then they should be happy to offer up a bedroom for you.