Unpopular truth: If you don't maintain your value, your successful DH will move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am a BigLaw partner and recently had practice group chair complain to me that another partner in group was not engaged because his spouse was overly demanding on emotional issues related to a death in her family (like OP's post, the death had occurred at least six months prior). In my experience, the business world is understanding during a crisis event like a terminal illness, sudden death, etc. but has little patience thereafter, especially if the employee is NOT the directly affected person.

Yeah, that's BigLaw for you and you all are insufferable.

It's not just BigLaw, though, and this person is not wrong.

I was in this situation last year when my father died "suddenly." My husband's company was initially very supportive of our family's need, which at that point was taking care of the kids and managing the house. However, after the first week, they were no longer as supportive of him not being able to work and started asking when he expected to have "reliable childcare" again. The difference was he was fairly angry about it and did his best to emotionally support me and work at the same time.

What he definitely not do was stew about it for 10 months, spend a few weeks in marriage counseling, and then divorce me. Because he's not an *sshole.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a horrible friend. Your friend deserves both a better husband AND a better friend. Hopefully she takes some time to learn and grow and set a higher bar for those closest to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am a BigLaw partner and recently had practice group chair complain to me that another partner in group was not engaged because his spouse was overly demanding on emotional issues related to a death in her family (like OP's post, the death had occurred at least six months prior). In my experience, the business world is understanding during a crisis event like a terminal illness, sudden death, etc. but has little patience thereafter, especially if the employee is NOT the directly affected person.

Yeah, that's BigLaw for you and you all are insufferable.

It's not just BigLaw, though, and this person is not wrong.

I was in this situation last year when my father died "suddenly." My husband's company was initially very supportive of our family's need, which at that point was taking care of the kids and managing the house. However, after the first week, they were no longer as supportive of him not being able to work and started asking when he expected to have "reliable childcare" again. The difference was he was fairly angry about it and did his best to emotionally support me and work at the same time.

What he definitely not do was stew about it for 10 months, spend a few weeks in marriage counseling, and then divorce me. Because he's not an *sshole.

I posted earlier that this husband is a jerk, but I will say that when I was diagnosed with cancer, my DH's company (family-friendly, but big, not law) was very supportive. Still they brought up in his review that they'd noticed that he had not been as focused and committed as he once was. It sounded like a warning. So I do understand that these concerns are valid, even outside of Big Law. None of that excuses breaking marriage vows.

[Anonymous]

Finally those kids will have two parents: your friend and their new stepmom.
I hope that the OW is as great as you make her out to be. Your friend might actually find herself having some free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband just told her a few weeks ago that they're separating and divorcing. They had been in couples therapy for a few weeks but now he's done. She had been a drag the last year and the spark died. She's a "feeling" person so when her Dad passed away and she dealt with her Mom, she looked to her husband for support. I warned her that he's really successful and busy and for her lifestyle she has to figure out how to manage without burdening him. She said he had told her that he just didn't have the bandwidth for this, particularly as she has a therapist and meds plus plenty of time as a SAHM to deal with those things.

Unfortunately she didn't listen to me and he started looking around. Turns out the husband met someone else he feels is a better fit for his lifestyle, and if it proceeds would be a fun stepmom for their two boys. Now my friend is trying to grind through each day while DH has moved on. I really want to tell my friend that for her own good she shouldn't play the victim, don't go bashing him and go along with telling people that it was mutual. Take the high road. You can love your husband and love your kids, but ultimately you need to maintain your worth and not go draining people if you want to maintain your lifestyle. How do I explain that to her, give her the tough love, without just damaging her more?

Wtf.

Is this a trip? The “I told you so” mantra over and over is so fake. No friend talks like that.

The husband is a selfish @$$; she and the kids know that and absolutely can “bash him”.

No need to pretend or prop up a selfish cheater.

[jsteele]

I wrote about this thread today in my daily blog post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/07/25/update072523

Some of you may find what I have to say to be interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, I hope you’re trolling us, op.

+ 100

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I wrote about this thread today in my daily blog post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/07/25/update072523

Some of you may find what I have to say to be interesting.

Ahh just read it. Interesting. But makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

This is a really bizarre post.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I wrote about this thread today in my daily blog post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/07/25/update072523

Some of you may find what I have to say to be interesting.

ha! Thanks for that.

Yea, the "friend" sounded like a complete douchebag, too. And now we know.. he is the douchebag a$$hole.

Yep, tale as old as time.

I hope the wife takes him to the cleaners and gets a big fat alimony and child support, because we all know the douchebag husband won't be actually present for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I wrote about this thread today in my daily blog post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/07/25/update072523

Some of you may find what I have to say to be interesting.

ha! Thanks for that.

Yea, the "friend" sounded like a complete douchebag, too. And now we know.. he is the douchebag a$$hole.

Yep, tale as old as time.

I hope the wife takes him to the cleaners and gets a big fat alimony and child support, because we all know the douchebag husband won't be actually present for the kids.

I hope they’re in VA and she finds this thread— a nice confession of adultery

[Anonymous]

The guy sounds deranged. Hope the wife finds happiness and emotional support with her friends and family, far away from him.

[Anonymous]

You are hurting your sons OP. Divorce does irreparable damage to children, boys especially so.

[Anonymous]

Just reminds me never to marry and make my own money.

[Anonymous]

These scenarios happen all the time. Make your own money.