Sister is pregnant and says we need to stop being toxic around her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you read that OP's sister takes part in these discussions? All of a sudden it's so toxic that she will ban her sisters from being around their niece?

She's toxic, too.

And she's asking them to stop around her baby. So she's recognized that it's unhealthy and doesn't want to pass it along to her daughter. Seems reasonable; better late than never, after all.

[Anonymous]

The reason your sister is forced to lay down new ground rules is that the sibling group is insanely focused on weight, diet and exercise. Can't your vain and vapid minds talk about something other than physical appearance, for the love of all things?!? Current geopolitical events? Books? Latest museum exhibit?

My mother and aunts are like you and your sisters. I've had to create another, more intellectual and wholesome family, otherwise it's nothing but backstabbing and pro-ana talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m surprised everyone is so anti-OP. I actually find food and fitness to come up a lot with friends - it’s a big part of daily life. And it becomes a slippery slope of what is ok to talk about and what is vanity. So I think making weight a completely taboo topic isn’t the answer. The answer is balance like most things. I have seen how body positive all my 19 year old friends are and most of them came back from their freshman year of college having gained weight as you absolutely can’t say anything. This just isn’t healthy either!
Regardless your sister is telling you she’s not comfortable either because you all talk about it too much or her own personal insecurities or whatever. You have to respect that. To lay down this boundary when she’s pregnant before the child is born or can talk…yep, I agree it’s over the top.

Why do you *need* to say something to a 19 year old who gained weight? And why do you think that pointing it out would help? Lady, you are the problem.

It’s not healthy. You can argue all you want but bottom line is excess weight isn’t good for our bodies. Telling these girls it’s fine and to embrace it isn’t in their best long term interests.
I’ve had autoimmune joint issues all my life and can’t understand why anyone would not take care of their bodies and cause it harm if it’s within their power to change it.

She's 19. She's presumably heard of the connection between weight and health. She does NOT need you her to tell her. No one is telling you to tell her it's fine and to embrace it. They're telling you to shut up about it. Ask her how school is going. Ask her if she's enjoying her summer. Ask her who her favorite professor is so far. Don't talk about her weight!

It's so funny how people want to butt in on this. I rarely floss, and NO one has every lectured me on it besides... my dentist. I never show up to someone's house for the weekend and have them say "oh, I see you didn't bring floss! You must floss it's so important for health." People just... realize it's none of their business? Weight is the same.

Thank you so much for the floss analogy! I’m stealing this next time I try to explain to someone how the health effects of weight are not a public concern!

The floss analogy is pretty stupid. Do you judge people with rotten teeth? That’s the better analogy. And, yeah, you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you read that OP's sister takes part in these discussions? All of a sudden it's so toxic that she will ban her sisters from being around their niece?

She's toxic, too.

And she's asking them to stop around her baby. So she's recognized that it's unhealthy and doesn't want to pass it along to her daughter. Seems reasonable; better late than never, after all.

I hope she recognizes her own part in it, and her sisters keep her accountable.

It's pretty extreme to go from being part of the discussion to threatening to ban people from being around a kid for bringing it up. Will she ban herself if she slips? She'll be the biggest influence on her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc"

Ooof. Really?

Yeah, this is not at all obvious to me. These topics are never discussed in my family.

[Anonymous]

This just the latest parenting trend. It's stupid and will backfire. Just do your best your niece will need you in her life as a source of sanity and balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m surprised everyone is so anti-OP. I actually find food and fitness to come up a lot with friends - it’s a big part of daily life. And it becomes a slippery slope of what is ok to talk about and what is vanity. So I think making weight a completely taboo topic isn’t the answer. The answer is balance like most things. I have seen how body positive all my 19 year old friends are and most of them came back from their freshman year of college having gained weight as you absolutely can’t say anything. This just isn’t healthy either!
Regardless your sister is telling you she’s not comfortable either because you all talk about it too much or her own personal insecurities or whatever. You have to respect that. To lay down this boundary when she’s pregnant before the child is born or can talk…yep, I agree it’s over the top.

Why do you *need* to say something to a 19 year old who gained weight? And why do you think that pointing it out would help? Lady, you are the problem.

It’s not healthy. You can argue all you want but bottom line is excess weight isn’t good for our bodies. Telling these girls it’s fine and to embrace it isn’t in their best long term interests.
I’ve had autoimmune joint issues all my life and can’t understand why anyone would not take care of their bodies and cause it harm if it’s within their power to change it.

She's 19. She's presumably heard of the connection between weight and health. She does NOT need you her to tell her. No one is telling you to tell her it's fine and to embrace it. They're telling you to shut up about it. Ask her how school is going. Ask her if she's enjoying her summer. Ask her who her favorite professor is so far. Don't talk about her weight!

It's so funny how people want to butt in on this. I rarely floss, and NO one has every lectured me on it besides... my dentist. I never show up to someone's house for the weekend and have them say "oh, I see you didn't bring floss! You must floss it's so important for health." People just... realize it's none of their business? Weight is the same.

Thank you so much for the floss analogy! I’m stealing this next time I try to explain to someone how the health effects of weight are not a public concern!

The floss analogy is pretty stupid. Do you judge people with rotten teeth? That’s the better analogy. And, yeah, you do!

But do you SAY something? When someone walks in with bad teeth do you start lecturing them on flossing and dental hygiene? No. You maybe judge them silently and you talk about... regular things that aren't teeth. That would be a huge step up, even with the judging, from the lecturing and constant conversation about it.

[Anonymous]

If you talk about appearance (whether yours or someone else's) often enough for your sister to bring this up, you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The reason your sister is forced to lay down new ground rules is that the sibling group is insanely focused on weight, diet and exercise. Can't your vain and vapid minds talk about something other than physical appearance, for the love of all things?!? Current geopolitical events? Books? Latest museum exhibit?

My mother and aunts are like you and your sisters. I've had to create another, more intellectual and wholesome family, otherwise it's nothing but backstabbing and pro-ana talk.

Lol this group doesn’t read books , go to museums and actually read the information or follow current events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just the latest parenting trend. It's stupid and will backfire. Just do your best your niece will need you in her life as a source of sanity and balance.

Oooh yes. You’ll have to teach her how to be a real girl..empty, stupid, vain, and gossipy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just the latest parenting trend. It's stupid and will backfire. Just do your best your niece will need you in her life as a source of sanity and balance.

Ignoring the damaged done to people who were raised by the "nothing tastes a good a skinny feels" mom or the modern day almond mom is not the own you think it is. Learning from past mistakes and evolving is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just the latest parenting trend. It's stupid and will backfire. Just do your best your niece will need you in her life as a source of sanity and balance.

Ignoring the damaged done to people who were raised by the "nothing tastes a good a skinny feels" mom or the modern day almond mom is not the own you think it is. Learning from past mistakes and evolving is a good thing.

I would love to take you to my midwestern hometown where there is not an almond mom in sight! It is depressing. A bunch of 60+ people who are extremely obese and have limited mobility because of it. The quality of their lives is horrible.
I believe extremes in either way are terrible. I honestly believe this extreme body positivity isn’t good either.

[Anonymous]

It shouldn’t be that hard to not discuss appearance.

A friend had a bunch of rules for being around her babies/kids. Only toys of specific colors, only talk about the good side of people, no plastic toys, etc. I think it affected relationships with her kids since people were uncomfortable not knowing exactly what the rules were and decided to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Love your sister, she's right.

[Anonymous]

I hate to use the word "toxic," but as an example of negative speech, my 75 year old mother decided to teach my 9 year old daughter about the gap that one should have between her thighs. Perhaps this is the sort of speech that OP's sister is hoping to avoid? My same mother came home from her high school reunion and when asked about it, her main comment was that so many people had gained weight.