Sister is pregnant and says we need to stop being toxic around her baby

[Anonymous]

As a side-note, if my BIL tells me at a function that I look "very nice," (which usually is said when I happen to lose weight), can I tell him that he "looks very nice, too." I hate the idea that random men get to comment on my appearance; I should get equal time to comment on his as well, right? I actually don't think that he looks good, I just want to take away the gender imbalance.

[Anonymous]

Team sister. I would avoid neurotic people like OP regardless. Focus on more constructive things than losing weight.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the Kardashians

Kourtney, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is "walking on eggshells," you really are toxic, or possibly just very very boring.

Read a book, or find something else that engages you and makes you happy and doesn't affect your appearance at all.

This. I have three sisters. We hardly ever talk about weight and appearance.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m surprised everyone is so anti-OP. I actually find food and fitness to come up a lot with friends - it’s a big part of daily life. And it becomes a slippery slope of what is ok to talk about and what is vanity. So I think making weight a completely taboo topic isn’t the answer. The answer is balance like most things. I have seen how body positive all my 19 year old friends are and most of them came back from their freshman year of college having gained weight as you absolutely can’t say anything. This just isn’t healthy either!
Regardless your sister is telling you she’s not comfortable either because you all talk about it too much or her own personal insecurities or whatever. You have to respect that. To lay down this boundary when she’s pregnant before the child is born or can talk…yep, I agree it’s over the top.

Why do you *need* to say something to a 19 year old who gained weight? And why do you think that pointing it out would help? Lady, you are the problem.

Family history of diabetes here. It’s certainly worth educating my children about. I just spent time with my father who is unable to walk because he didn’t take care of his diabetes. It’s much easier to change eating habits when you’re younger. I want better for my kids.
In my house with my teenage girls we don’t avoid talking about food and weight. We talk about it in a very clinical manner and try to keep emotion/judgment out of it. We talk about macros and food as fuel for your body. To me, that is the correct way to approach it, not ignore it. None of us know the conversations OP has with her sister. I don’t think all talk of weight is bad though. The talk some people (mostly mothers) are using as an example? Yep, that’s toxic.

I have a family history of diabetes. My kid is the one with a pediatric feeding disorder because some relative took it upon themselves to educate the child. Not helpful.

Child of a parent with diabetes who had no education until I had to figure it out when I got gestational diabetes. Also not helpful. I don’t know your circumstances, but it sounds extreme.
It’s a slippery slope for sure, but this complete taboo about talking about it doesn’t seem to be working if you look around the world.

If you had to 'figure it out' on your own, your OB/GYN is at fault. Even 20 years ago, there where great classes offered thru INOVA and other medical centers as well as support groups.

My DH is a Type 2 diabetic. He was in fabulous shape when he was diagnosed at 30. He was routinely checked because of his family history. We talk about it with out kids in the same way we talk about substance abuse which also runs in our family. Yet, we keep our mouths shut about weight/food choices/beverage choices around those outside our nuclear family because we know how to MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS.

Yeah OB/GYN help you figure it out after you already have it. Prevention is a great thing.

So in this instance OP is talking about it with her sisters. Family. I recently went on vacation with my brother and we were discussing food/diabetes since we share the same genetics. It’s interesting to know what worked for him (he’s older and further along on the journey). I don’t find anything toxic about it at all. Obviously if he said this is off limits, we don’t discuss it. But Op’s pregnant sister is really over reacting. She could have tried steering the conversation elsewhere without going nuclear.

What you are shockingly oblivious to is the huge difference between discussing it with siblings and discussing it with nieces/nephews.

[Anonymous]

I think the floss analogy is spot on because not everyone who fails to floss has visible tooth decay and not everyone who eats garbage is visibly fat. Stop pretending it’s about health bc actually there are many unhealthy habits we ignore or minimize.


You are not at a restaurant commenting on the skinny woman who ate a bowl of pasta the size of her head and a whole bottle of wine and a big dessert. But I have absolutely heard people feel entitled to comment on what a fat woman at a different table is eating. You aren’t monitoring health; you are monitoring appearance and it is toxic.

As for “oh but the sister does it too!”
She is pregnant for the first time. My guess is that she has suddenly had a massive onslaught of feedback about her body from her weight obsessed sisters and it probably prompted her to rethink how harmful this obsession is. Good for her. OP, get a life.

[Anonymous]

My sisters and I NEVER discuss weight, diets, etc. I don’t think we purposefully avoid it, but what a boring topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc"

Ooof. Really?

Yeah, this is not at all obvious to me. These topics are never discussed in my family.

Mine either, also a household with women.

I think the sister has recognized that you all tend to overemphasize these topics and is trying to give you a heads up that’s she is over it.