Sister is pregnant and says we need to stop being toxic around her baby

[Anonymous]

My younger sister is pregnant with a girl and has warned the rest of us that she will ban us from engaging with her child if we continue toxic behaviors around her. The toxic behaviors she is citing is as follows:

- comments about having a bad hair or skin day
- comments about losing or gaining weight
- comments about beauty and being pretty

We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc.

I know she means well but it seems a bit extreme. We feel like we must walk on egg shells around her.

[Anonymous]

You can't talk about anything other than your appearance when her daughter is around? Really?

[Anonymous]

team sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't talk about anything other than your appearance when her daughter is around? Really?

OF COURSE we can! That is not the point. It’s natural for the conversation to steer into these topics usually directed by HER.

[Anonymous]

If you think this is "walking on eggshells," you really are toxic, or possibly just very very boring.

Read a book, or find something else that engages you and makes you happy and doesn't affect your appearance at all.

[Anonymous]

It's probably something she's grappling with as she prepares to have a baby girl and wants to avoid inflicting the body image and self esteem issues that so many of us have. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Team sister. If you can’t keep up normal conversations without talking about appearances - ooof!

Doesn’t seem like a big ask and seems healthier for EVERYONE.

If you do feel the need to talk about food and exercise - framing it as food and physical activity that makes you feel better and stronger would be the way to go.

[Anonymous]

This is a GIANT neon sign:

Sister is telling you that SHE is not ok with this. It makes her unhappy/self-conscious/insecure/uncomfortable.

Listen to her and stop talking about how people look.

[Anonymous]

I had this same talk with my mom and sisters - my kids were starting to have body image issues and they were CONSTANTLY discussing whether they were “being bad” and eating a brownie or whether they were trying to lose weight. I started to realize it was all they focused on and my kids were picking up on it.

Team sister! Cut that sh$t out.

[Anonymous]

I mean, change your behavior or not, but don't be surprised if she chooses to keep her kid away from you if you can't learn to either not talk about these subjects or talk about them in a more healthy way.

My MIL talks CONSTANTLY about losing weight and being skinny. She is constantly commenting on other people's bodies, including mine, and always about weight and how someone "looks good" if they've lost it and is "losing their looks" if they've gained. She also talks with jealousy, always, about other people's bodies and puts her own body down all the time.

Guess which grandparent has pretty limited time with her only granddaughter?

Do what you want, but be ready to not like the consequences when your sister responds by distancing herself and her kid from you.

[Anonymous]

Team sister. I have a boy but am still very very careful about what we say around him regarding weight, appearance, etc. You sound very shallow

[Anonymous]

"We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc"

Ooof. Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister is pregnant with a girl and has warned the rest of us that she will ban us from engaging with her child if we continue toxic behaviors around her. The toxic behaviors she is citing is as follows:

- comments about having a bad hair or skin day
- comments about losing or gaining weight
- comments about beauty and being pretty

We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc.

I know she means well but it seems a bit extreme. We feel like we must walk on egg shells around her.

Your sister sounds a little over the top, but these shouldn’t be obvious topics. I don’t talk about any of these things with my female friends or sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't talk about anything other than your appearance when her daughter is around? Really?

OF COURSE we can! That is not the point. It’s natural for the conversation to steer into these topics usually directed by HER.

If it's natural for the conversation between you and your sisters to wind up on appearance, weight, and negative self talk, then she is correct that you are being toxic and I applaud her for taking this opportunity to try and change the dynamic.

I don't understand why you can't just not talk about this stuff around her and her daughter. This is an extremely reasonable ask.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not “obvious” that sisters would gossip about gaining weight and who looks like what. I have sisters and that is NOT how we talk.

Talking about anyone’s weight is rude. Point blank period. Talking about appearance other than to give a compliment is rude. Point blank period.

Good. Walk on eggshells until you can learn not to be a rude, shallow person. Good for your sister for protecting herself and her daughter. Learn not to be a jerk and maybe you can enjoy time with them.