Sister is pregnant and says we need to stop being toxic around her baby

[Anonymous]

Wow I’m surprised everyone is so anti-OP. I actually find food and fitness to come up a lot with friends - it’s a big part of daily life. And it becomes a slippery slope of what is ok to talk about and what is vanity. So I think making weight a completely taboo topic isn’t the answer. The answer is balance like most things. I have seen how body positive all my 19 year old friends are and most of them came back from their freshman year of college having gained weight as you absolutely can’t say anything. This just isn’t healthy either!
Regardless your sister is telling you she’s not comfortable either because you all talk about it too much or her own personal insecurities or whatever. You have to respect that. To lay down this boundary when she’s pregnant before the child is born or can talk…yep, I agree it’s over the top.

[Anonymous]

Daughter isn't even born. yes ALL of you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:team sister

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister is pregnant with a girl and has warned the rest of us that she will ban us from engaging with her child if we continue toxic behaviors around her. The toxic behaviors she is citing is as follows:

- comments about having a bad hair or skin day
- comments about losing or gaining weight
- comments about beauty and being pretty

We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc.

I know she means well but it seems a bit extreme. We feel like we must walk on egg shells around her.

Maybe dial down that talk some as she's not wrong. But, as for "what happens" that's on her. If she wants to completely disengage from her own family, that's only going to harm her and her kid. Additionally, Baby Girl is going to hear things she doesn't like in life and you're sister is going to learn that the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter isn't even born. yes ALL of you are being ridiculous.

Agree.

Sister sounds like a twat.

Wait until she's on her 2nd kid and she's chilled out a bit.

[Anonymous]

I guess you're forewarned. You mentioned that these topics are often directed by her, so start pointing that out. "Susie, is this something you really want to discuss? You told us we wouldn't be allowed to see your daughter if we have these discussions. "

The people I mainly talk about this with are my weight loss group and my Mom. A friend and I discuss food but in the context of health issues that we deal with.

I commented the other day that I felt better (happier, more energy) after we went for a walk. I'm not sure how that could be toxic.

[Anonymous]

My son developed a pediatric feeding disorder from this type of talk. It’s cost us *thousands* of dollars and affected his growth. You can get out of here with that martyr complex. Team sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son developed a pediatric feeding disorder from this type of talk. It’s cost us *thousands* of dollars and affected his growth. You can get out of here with that martyr complex. Team sister.

The sister engages in these discussions as well.

[Anonymous]

Ugh this is one of my estranged mothers toxic traits. It extended to talking about/dissecting my 2 yr old daughters features and figure. It’s unnecessary and gross.

[Anonymous]

Another team sister. My mom is from a family of four sisters. They are in their 50s and 60s now and I don't recall ever hearing them talk about appearances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister is pregnant with a girl and has warned the rest of us that she will ban us from engaging with her child if we continue toxic behaviors around her. The toxic behaviors she is citing is as follows:

- comments about having a bad hair or skin day
- comments about losing or gaining weight
- comments about beauty and being pretty

We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc.

I know she means well but it seems a bit extreme. We feel like we must walk on egg shells around her.

Don't discuss that it's time for a haircut or having made an appointment. Absolutely nothing about how a new product may be working for your hair or face. Don't ask for advice on either of those.
When the baby is here don't comment on how cute she is. Don't buy clothes, let Mom decide on those.
What about baby's weight/growth.... is that OK?



Help your sister out by holding her to these same standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister is pregnant with a girl and has warned the rest of us that she will ban us from engaging with her child if we continue toxic behaviors around her. The toxic behaviors she is citing is as follows:

- comments about having a bad hair or skin day
- comments about losing or gaining weight
- comments about beauty and being pretty

We are a large family with 5 sisters so obviously a lot of our talk is about who lost weight who started a new workout who iss eating what meal plan etc.

I know she means well but it seems a bit extreme. We feel like we must walk on egg shells around her.

She’s right. You are wrong.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why you would just not respond with the obvious: babies just aren’t very interesting and not engaging with one is no big loss. With five sisters, I’d imagine there are plenty of other babies around and the novelty factor is long gone. She’s really overestimating how much this would hurt. Know what I’m saying

[Anonymous]

Why is it “obvious” that a large family with five sisters would have so many conversations around these topics? That’s completely abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not “obvious” that sisters would gossip about gaining weight and who looks like what. I have sisters and that is NOT how we talk.

Talking about anyone’s weight is rude. Point blank period. Talking about appearance other than to give a compliment is rude. Point blank period.

Good. Walk on eggshells until you can learn not to be a rude, shallow person. Good for your sister for protecting herself and her daughter. Learn not to be a jerk and maybe you can enjoy time with them.

Compliments can be toxic, too. If a specific shirt is nice, does that mean others aren't? If a new hairstyle is flattering, what does that say about the previous hairstyle? Plus, a sensitive child could get hung up on always looking nice if they hear those kinds of things. I think the goal is to not comment at all.