Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to just accept some of the unfair things in my life. But no matter what I try (meditation, mindfulness, religion, reading philosophy, therapy, etc.) I still struggle with it so much.

So often people who already have a lot just get more. It's not fair! They already have so much, and there are people with so much less. Simply being born to a certain family, and class, in a certain country or region, with a certain body or brain, a person can be so vastly better off than someone without those blessings at birth, and then as a result of being blessed in this way, they wind up with more opportunities, support, friends, confidence, etc., and that leads them to more success, security, comfort, etc. And people without those blessings might still eventually get some of those things, but they have to work SO much harder to get them and there are trade offs (moving far from family for academic/professional opportunities, for instance). No matter how hard they work they will simply never have as much.

And then to add insult to injury, often these people who start off with so much more, seem to have no idea of the luck of their birth, and believe that they have more simply because they are better, and then they treat people who started out with a lot less as less than, and that's just yet another obstacle to overcome.

No matter how hard I work to just accept that this is how it is, I still find myself being upset about it, resenting people who benefit from this fundamental unfairness in life, and wishing things were different.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or have you found a way to simply accept it and move on? And if so, how did you do it?

Yes many have blessings from birth. My mom is from one of the poorest countries in Latin America but her family was well off and owned millions in property. Maids and cooks galore. That sense of entitlement and class stays. But in the US everyone is fake rich. A small percent have generational wealth that carries on and its even smaller for Hispanics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?

WTH? This is way off and inappropriate.

Nope. It’s just accurate. It’s not normal for grown adults to still wrestle with childish things.

What is childish about concern for the less fortunate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?

WTH? This is way off and inappropriate.

Nope. It’s just accurate. It’s not normal for grown adults to still wrestle with childish things.

What is childish about concern for the less fortunate?

DP here. I don't agree wit the armchair psychologist "diagnosis" portion of the PPs but OP is childish.

OP doesn't seem to be concerned about the less fortunate in a mature sense. Only in the "it's unfair," stomp foot and complain sense. Life is random and completely without concern for equity. It sounds like OP is meditating instead of digging in to help her little corner of the world. If you want to complain, that's totally fine but also be prepared to put your money where your mouth is. This is what I would tell my children.

[Anonymous]

You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re stuck in an immature place. Were you abused or traumatized as a kid? Or maybe borderline personality disorder?

WTH? This is way off and inappropriate.

Nope. It’s just accurate. It’s not normal for grown adults to still wrestle with childish things.

What is childish about concern for the less fortunate?

DP here. I don't agree wit the armchair psychologist "diagnosis" portion of the PPs but OP is childish.

OP doesn't seem to be concerned about the less fortunate in a mature sense. Only in the "it's unfair," stomp foot and complain sense. Life is random and completely without concern for equity. It sounds like OP is meditating instead of digging in to help her little corner of the world. If you want to complain, that's totally fine but also be prepared to put your money where your mouth is. This is what I would tell my children.

I didn’t diagnose PP. I asked some questions. Another question: was OP a teen mom? They tend to experience arrested development too.

Lots of possible explanations! I don’t know which one it is! But it’s not empathy. OP isn’t thinking about others, she’s thinking about herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

[Anonymous]

I'm Black and a woman and many may see those as obstacles but I can't, there is no time for that. I run my own race. I suggest you do the same.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs that say that OP’s continuing to insist “it’s not fair!” seems childish — toddler-like, at a stage when magical thinking still exists.

Life is not fair is one of those basic truths, like the world is round and not flat, and 2+2=4. Most kids learn that in elementary school. Railing against it is futile, like trying to get the earth to rotate in the opposite direction — no matter how much OP pushes back, it’s just not possible.

As an adult, one can choose to act with fairness, kindness and integrity and work to better the world by volunteering and financially contributing to the causes you believe in. That’s about the best any of us can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs that say that OP’s continuing to insist “it’s not fair!” seems childish — toddler-like, at a stage when magical thinking still exists.

Life is not fair is one of those basic truths, like the world is round and not flat, and 2+2=4. Most kids learn that in elementary school. Railing against it is futile, like trying to get the earth to rotate in the opposite direction — no matter how much OP pushes back, it’s just not possible.

As an adult, one can choose to act with fairness, kindness and integrity and work to better the world by volunteering and financially contributing to the causes you believe in. That’s about the best any of us can do.

Learning it and accepting it are two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

She has more privilege than everyone in the third world BFFR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

She has more privilege than everyone in the third world BFFR.

Unless she lives in a third world country, that's entirely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

She has more privilege than everyone in the third world BFFR.

Unless she lives in a third world country, that's entirely irrelevant.

Wrong. It shows she’s myopically focused on what she doesn’t have instead of the bigger picture of injustice and how much she has relative to others.

You know, like a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

She has more privilege than everyone in the third world BFFR.

Maybe she’s from a poor country.

How much privilege do you have, exactly?