Life is unfair. Why do I struggle so much to accept this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You whiners criticizing OP must be the worst friends.

Yes, the responses to this are so weird. People are being hostile because OP mentioned something obviously true that people have wrestled with fir thousands of years. There are entire religions and philosophies that developed specifically to address this question. It’s a normal thing to struggle with.

Read a bit more carefully. OP isn’t wondering why some people have more than others really. She’s wondering why some people have more than HER. One big tell: she has nothing to say about how much more she has than so so many.

You have no idea what her situation is. You are just assuming she is privileged. I think you’re projecting your own issues— you seem angrier than OP does. Maybe you are the one with arrested development?

She has more privilege than everyone in the third world BFFR.

Maybe she’s from a poor country.

How much privilege do you have, exactly?

We could do quite a bit to level privilege. First, shut down all the power, water, and sewer plants. Then close all the banks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You have to see the world as a prelude to something else and that we each face our own tests and trials and as brutal as they may be, they will be nothing compared to heaven.”

One of the religious platitudes to which I was referring. I don’t tell you how you feel about your religion, please don’t tell me that my atheism is anything other than what it is. Hard to be angry at a God that doesn’t exist. I’m not angry at religious people. Why would I be? My atheism actually makes me feel more responsible to live the best life I can while here and do as much good as I can, because there is no heaven for anyone or afterlife, which makes this one life all the more precious and goodness all the more valuable.

That's great if that works for you. I'm pointing out that it doesn't work for many, because carried out to its logical conclusion, if life after death doesn't exist, it's more logical to conclude that nothing in the life matters vs your conclusion that everything in this life is more precious. If not afterlife, everyone should just do whatever to maximize happiness in the moment, even if that means hurting others. If there is no purpose to the suffering and unfairness of this world, then it's all just one pointless suffering and a big joke. Whatever meaning you think you have amassed in this life/world could be wiped out tomorrow if an asteroid hits. This is the existential crisis people go on and why entire religious and countless books have been written on this topic throughout the ages across cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You have to see the world as a prelude to something else and that we each face our own tests and trials and as brutal as they may be, they will be nothing compared to heaven.”

One of the religious platitudes to which I was referring. I don’t tell you how you feel about your religion, please don’t tell me that my atheism is anything other than what it is. Hard to be angry at a God that doesn’t exist. I’m not angry at religious people. Why would I be? My atheism actually makes me feel more responsible to live the best life I can while here and do as much good as I can, because there is no heaven for anyone or afterlife, which makes this one life all the more precious and goodness all the more valuable.

That's great if that works for you. I'm pointing out that it doesn't work for many, because carried out to its logical conclusion, if life after death doesn't exist, it's more logical to conclude that nothing in the life matters vs your conclusion that everything in this life is more precious. If not afterlife, everyone should just do whatever to maximize happiness in the moment, even if that means hurting others. If there is no purpose to the suffering and unfairness of this world, then it's all just one pointless suffering and a big joke. Whatever meaning you think you have amassed in this life/world could be wiped out tomorrow if an asteroid hits. This is the existential crisis people go on and why entire religious and countless books have been written on this topic throughout the ages across cultures.

Another thing that has happened to me regarding the bolded, is that the older I get, the more I observe people doing precisely that -- maximizing their own happiness at the expense of other, with little to no regard for the consequences. It can be hard to reconcile if you were raised to deny yourself things for the benefit of others. I've definitely been taken advantage of because I have naively assumed others will "do the right thing" instead of doing the selfish thing.

This aspect of life is hard to reconcile because you will never change the behavior of other people. So you have to find a way to hold your own values without being exploited by people who are just out for themselves. It's very hard. I still haven't figured it out. It wears me down sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because when you're the one with a serious cancer diagnosis in middle age and your friends are busy planning their kids' college admissions, reaping rewards in their careers, upgrading their homes, etc...

... it sucks entirely.

Not me. My friend. I am the lucky one for now, and she's not so lucky, and I wish she could experience the life I have instead of lurching from treatment to treatment.

+1 just think about this OP! there are so many really really serious things that can go wrong. And they even happen to super rich or beautiful people too. I have a lot of clinicians in my family, and so they see the statistically unlucky ones. But at least it gives them perspective and they feel very grateful.

Your not going to want to hear this, but: when privileged people get cancer, get divorced, lose jobs, etc., they have extensive support networks that make it far more likely they will get through it. Look at health outcomes for people based on socio-economic class, or something like the ACES test. People born to wealth, privilege, and stable families may of course experience bad luck and misfortune. But they will not suffer as much from it as people who are not.

And to take it further (and likely piss you off more), even if a very privileged person dies of cancer, their families will have more financial security, support, access to mental health resources, etc., than people from less privileged backgrounds. Even when the worst happens, it's not as bad. That's the fundamental unfairness.

You are a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because when you're the one with a serious cancer diagnosis in middle age and your friends are busy planning their kids' college admissions, reaping rewards in their careers, upgrading their homes, etc...

... it sucks entirely.

Not me. My friend. I am the lucky one for now, and she's not so lucky, and I wish she could experience the life I have instead of lurching from treatment to treatment.

+1 just think about this OP! there are so many really really serious things that can go wrong. And they even happen to super rich or beautiful people too. I have a lot of clinicians in my family, and so they see the statistically unlucky ones. But at least it gives them perspective and they feel very grateful.

Your not going to want to hear this, but: when privileged people get cancer, get divorced, lose jobs, etc., they have extensive support networks that make it far more likely they will get through it. Look at health outcomes for people based on socio-economic class, or something like the ACES test. People born to wealth, privilege, and stable families may of course experience bad luck and misfortune. But they will not suffer as much from it as people who are not.

And to take it further (and likely piss you off more), even if a very privileged person dies of cancer, their families will have more financial security, support, access to mental health resources, etc., than people from less privileged backgrounds. Even when the worst happens, it's not as bad. That's the fundamental unfairness.

You are a sociopath.

DP but what??? Seems like a heavy dose of reality so many are claiming OP needs. I worked with poor cancer patients and yes, they suffer more. They couldn’t get to their appointments because they did not own a car and didn’t live on a bus line. They had to take oral chemo instead of iv which is less effective but that’s what their insurance company paid for. Oh, and more of our patients were poor, because it turns out that a risk factor. When you live in areas ignored by cities, near chemical waste and pollution, turns out you’re more likely to get cancer.

So you may not want to admit it, but yes, poor people always suffer more. Their physical pain is the same, but you bet poor people suffer more in every other way.