How do you know if you are good in bed?

[Anonymous]

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There are very different responses depending on if hetero male or female. If you’re a man and not spending a fair amount of time ( with her direction) performing oral or digital manipulation, or using a more efficient toy- chances are you’re not that great in bed. Being well-endowed will certainly help mitigate this, but staying on interminably waiting for her to arrive results in MOST faking it.

As a very well-endowed guy I still spend 90% of the time on oral and digital not PIV, so it’s maybe at most an ancillary benefit.

As a woman I consider oral/digital and PIV basic literacy. What makes a man great in bed is a combination trust, connection and how he puts it together -- choreography if you will.

100%

-Np, also woman

Okay, but a lot of men remain sexually illiterate. They take instruction from porn and often just default to what feels good for them, and women don’t provide explicit instruction. Too many women out there faking it; it never hurts to reiterate the remedial tips.

As an inexperienced guy, this subthread is demoralizing. “You only know the basics, if even that, to be really good you have to know the advanced stuff. And nobody’s gonna teach you the advanced stuff. “

The fact that you care enough to be concerned puts you ahead of quite a number of men. Read about feminine pleasure from female-centric websites. TikTok has a number of sex educators that are female gynecologists. Go slowly with a woman and be willing to mix it up- don’t be mission focused and start doggedly rooting about for that elusive g-spot you read about. Remember women like to grind, men like to thrust- focus on more grinding motions where her clitoris is in contact with your pubic bone.

Exactly. VWE guy from upthread, and if you don’t fit you can’t grind.

Actually, you can. I am actually quite happy to grind on an erection that is still outside my body. Love it. It gives me a lot of control.

You’ve made me realize that I’ve done this a lot and think of it as foreplay when for her it’s the main event. Can’t believe I never thought of it that way. (this is VWE guy)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think to a man almost any sex = great sex, whereas to a woman there are more qualifiers.

This is not even remotely true.

I'm a dude, and I can think of at least 8-10 women that while mid-coitus, I had the thought "I kind of wish this was over"

Not that I didn't like them ( I did), or that I wasn't attracted to them (I was, leading up to the sex, much less so after), but it just sucked.

What specifically "sucked" for your physically, can you describe in non-explicit terms? Just curious as a woman what men feel when sex is bad

It could be any number of things

- partner was unenthusiastic. Just sort of laid there. That's usually the biggest problem
- Sometimes we just didnt click, for lack of a better term. When I zigged, she zagged, ya know?
- Sometimes, my partner had poor form. Too firm/too rough, or too light of a touch in other scenarios. A lot of that is personal preference, I guess
- Shy/inhibited. Lights off/sheets up. Not my style

But I also recognize that certain things I've done may not be the favorite for some of my other partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think to a man almost any sex = great sex, whereas to a woman there are more qualifiers.

This is not even remotely true.

I'm a dude, and I can think of at least 8-10 women that while mid-coitus, I had the thought "I kind of wish this was over"

Not that I didn't like them ( I did), or that I wasn't attracted to them (I was, leading up to the sex, much less so after), but it just sucked.

What specifically "sucked" for your physically, can you describe in non-explicit terms? Just curious as a woman what men feel when sex is bad

It could be any number of things

- partner was unenthusiastic. Just sort of laid there. That's usually the biggest problem
- Sometimes we just didnt click, for lack of a better term. When I zigged, she zagged, ya know?
- Sometimes, my partner had poor form. Too firm/too rough, or too light of a touch in other scenarios. A lot of that is personal preference, I guess
- Shy/inhibited. Lights off/sheets up. Not my style

But I also recognize that certain things I've done may not be the favorite for some of my other partners.

This just proves that all men and women are different. I'm very proactive in bedroom, like lights to see the action on etc. My last partner could only finish if I was tied up to bed (legs and arms) and didn't move. He would let me finish first on top of him and give him oral, but then he had to restrict me. Preferred lights off and me giving oral under the sheets.

[Anonymous]

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And please, I don’t want to hear from the small and vocal contingent who can get there from PIV- you don’t do your sisters any favors by discussing your unicorn sparkles. It only confuses men.

NP (hetero woman) and I love your way of phrasing things, PP! PIV can be fantastic BUT for many women it's not the be-all and end-all even when they DO climax from it.

I think some men just don't realize, and were never taught, that a woman's climax from cl***ral stimulation can actually be much more intense than a PIV climax at times, for some women. Sorry for the coy *** stuff but don't know what will get flagged as explicit here.

More oral and manual techniques, plus -- got to be non-explicit, so let's say, moving and grinding on body parts, even ones that aren't genitalia -- can produce incredible results if both partners are intent on pleasing each other and actually communicate in bed. Men, talk with your partner during sex and women, direct and guide him as you go. It can be sexily done. Once I really started telling DH quite clearly what to do, how to continue it, when I was getting close, etc. we both had better experiences. He told me he really likes (and gets turned on by) the direction, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think some men just don't realize, and were never taught, that a woman's climax from cl***ral stimulation can actually be much more intense than a PIV climax at times, for some women. Sorry for the coy *** stuff but don't know what will get flagged as explicit here.

I know what you mean, but for what it's worth, they're all from cl***ral stimulation. The cl*toris is a big organ with the tip of the iceberg popping outside. The rest of it is buried inside and under and can be stimulated in various ways. The vagina itself is not a very sensitive organ except that it's right up against the buried parts of the cl*toris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think some men just don't realize, and were never taught, that a woman's climax from cl***ral stimulation can actually be much more intense than a PIV climax at times, for some women. Sorry for the coy *** stuff but don't know what will get flagged as explicit here.

I know what you mean, but for what it's worth, they're all from cl***ral stimulation. The cl*toris is a big organ with the tip of the iceberg popping outside. The rest of it is buried inside and under and can be stimulated in various ways. The vagina itself is not a very sensitive organ except that it's right up against the buried parts of the cl*toris.

That was kind of my point. I get that. But despite the fact that the vaginia itself isn't very sensitive, many men and women are led to think (by what they're told, what they see in films and TV, etc. etc.) that PIV alone should create fantastic Os for women. That's often not the case yet both partners then don't explore other avenues to climax for the woman, or act as if a cl*t orgasm is somehow only foreplay, or not an end goal because they think PIV is endgame.

And in discussions of sex here, you realize people talk about PIV and cl*t stimulation as separate in terms of acts performed on and in them. Of course acts on one "part" affect everything else. But I was addressing this the way others do on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men tell me. I always orgasm from PIV and know how to make my body respond to their movements/direct them. The BJ queens always come off as desperate even though they want to seem sexy... It's the intercourse ones who are the ones men think are good in bed.

Nah, it's a combo, boo. Up your game.

[Anonymous]

Of the last 4 I've been with, 100 percent of them climax from PIV. One of them 100 percent of the time, the other three most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of the last 4 I've been with, 100 percent of them climax from PIV. One of them 100 percent of the time, the other three most of the time.

I got news for you, bruh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the last 4 I've been with, 100 percent of them climax from PIV. One of them 100 percent of the time, the other three most of the time.

I got news for you, bruh...

+1 I guess it’s true for this believer: where science ends faith begins…

[Anonymous]

What's he saying during? Is he rolling over in a deep slumber afterwards? Applauding when it's over? Coming back for more? This is how you know.