How do you know if you are good in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men tell me. I always orgasm from PIV and know how to make my body respond to their movements/direct them. The BJ queens always come off as desperate even though they want to seem sexy... It's the intercourse ones who are the ones men think are good in bed.

I’m curious on why thought it necessary to give such a catty response.

This. I mean, I'm sure men think it's great that you finish from PIV but I also don't think men would turn down a blowjob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think to a man almost any sex = great sex, whereas to a woman there are more qualifiers.

Maybe when I was a teenager. Since then, my bar has gone up. I enjoy a woman who enjoys her own body. I’m happy to get her there, but I want her to be enthusiastic about getting there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

There are very different responses depending on if hetero male or female. If you’re a man and not spending a fair amount of time ( with her direction) performing oral or digital manipulation, or using a more efficient toy- chances are you’re not that great in bed. Being well-endowed will certainly help mitigate this, but staying on interminably waiting for her to arrive results in MOST faking it.

As a very well-endowed guy I still spend 90% of the time on oral and digital not PIV, so it’s maybe at most an ancillary benefit.

As a woman I consider oral/digital and PIV basic literacy. What makes a man great in bed is a combination trust, connection and how he puts it together -- choreography if you will.

100%

-Np, also woman

Okay, but a lot of men remain sexually illiterate. They take instruction from porn and often just default to what feels good for them, and women don’t provide explicit instruction. Too many women out there faking it; it never hurts to reiterate the remedial tips.

As an inexperienced guy, this subthread is demoralizing. “You only know the basics, if even that, to be really good you have to know the advanced stuff. And nobody’s gonna teach you the advanced stuff. “

The fact that you care enough to be concerned puts you ahead of quite a number of men. Read about feminine pleasure from female-centric websites. TikTok has a number of sex educators that are female gynecologists. Go slowly with a woman and be willing to mix it up- don’t be mission focused and start doggedly rooting about for that elusive g-spot you read about. Remember women like to grind, men like to thrust- focus on more grinding motions where her clitoris is in contact with your pubic bone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are very different responses depending on if hetero male or female. If you’re a man and not spending a fair amount of time ( with her direction) performing oral or digital manipulation, or using a more efficient toy- chances are you’re not that great in bed. Being well-endowed will certainly help mitigate this, but staying on interminably waiting for her to arrive results in MOST faking it.

As a very well-endowed guy I still spend 90% of the time on oral and digital not PIV, so it’s maybe at most an ancillary benefit.

As a woman I consider oral/digital and PIV basic literacy. What makes a man great in bed is a combination trust, connection and how he puts it together -- choreography if you will.

100%

-Np, also woman

Okay, but a lot of men remain sexually illiterate. They take instruction from porn and often just default to what feels good for them, and women don’t provide explicit instruction. Too many women out there faking it; it never hurts to reiterate the remedial tips.

As an inexperienced guy, this subthread is demoralizing. “You only know the basics, if even that, to be really good you have to know the advanced stuff. And nobody’s gonna teach you the advanced stuff. “

That's why you start early. No good becoming a star quarterback at age 38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. With the average woman, she will climax 3-5 times per session with me.

Doubtful.

Definitely not with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex with someone you don't like, even if his technique is objectively perfect, will never be great.

Under what circumstances would you end up having sex with someone you don't like unless you are paid to do so. I don't get you.

Welcome to the real world.

Mid-50s male. A professional woman in the DMV made it abundantly clear that she wanted to please me orally after our dinner date. I let her, but we didn’t see each other again. Nice woman, but I wasn’t that attracted to her.

In short, it happens.

I've also had dates like that. Recently-divorced women are desperately horny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. With the average woman, she will climax 3-5 times per session with me.

Doubtful.

Well, with the help of a vibe, that number and more are within reach. Without, it does seem unlikely for MOST women and is not a reflection of your skill as a lover.

If you need a vibe to accomplish this you do not know your body well enough. There's still time. -woman

I don’t NEED a vibe but what’s your problem with one? Toys are fun. Sex is fun.

Many, many women spent years having non-orgasmic sex and made hesitant forays into self-pleasure with tepid results. For these women the strength and ease of a vibrator induced O is nothing short of life altering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex with someone you don't like, even if his technique is objectively perfect, will never be great.

Under what circumstances would you end up having sex with someone you don't like unless you are paid to do so. I don't get you.

Welcome to the real world.

Mid-50s male. A professional woman in the DMV made it abundantly clear that she wanted to please me orally after our dinner date. I let her, but we didn’t see each other again. Nice woman, but I wasn’t that attracted to her.

In short, it happens.

I've also had dates like that. Recently-divorced women are desperately horny.

Well, you got the desperate part correct. Desperate to please, desperate to connect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of men I’ve slept with have told me that we have such an amazing connection, they haven’t experienced chemistry like this before, etc. I don’t usually feel the same - I enjoy sex and have generally had good sex with those men but not necessarily the most amazing sex of my life or anything. I think it seems that way to them because I am very orgasmic and it’s obvious I’m enjoying myself, so they feel confident and can relax and enjoy themselves as well.

It’s not always great though. I’ve had plenty of people lead me on and feign more emotional connection than they were actually interested/able to offer because they want to keep having sex with me. Over time I’ve gotten better about listening the first time when someone tells me they only want casual.

Jeez, how many people have you slept with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of men I’ve slept with have told me that we have such an amazing connection, they haven’t experienced chemistry like this before, etc. I don’t usually feel the same - I enjoy sex and have generally had good sex with those men but not necessarily the most amazing sex of my life or anything. I think it seems that way to them because I am very orgasmic and it’s obvious I’m enjoying myself, so they feel confident and can relax and enjoy themselves as well.

It’s not always great though. I’ve had plenty of people lead me on and feign more emotional connection than they were actually interested/able to offer because they want to keep having sex with me. Over time I’ve gotten better about listening the first time when someone tells me they only want casual.

Jeez, how many people have you slept with?

Why does this matter? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of men I’ve slept with have told me that we have such an amazing connection, they haven’t experienced chemistry like this before, etc. I don’t usually feel the same - I enjoy sex and have generally had good sex with those men but not necessarily the most amazing sex of my life or anything. I think it seems that way to them because I am very orgasmic and it’s obvious I’m enjoying myself, so they feel confident and can relax and enjoy themselves as well.

It’s not always great though. I’ve had plenty of people lead me on and feign more emotional connection than they were actually interested/able to offer because they want to keep having sex with me. Over time I’ve gotten better about listening the first time when someone tells me they only want casual.

Jeez, how many people have you slept with?

Why does this matter? Serious question.

The poster doesn’t actually want to know- the disapprobation is in the question itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are very different responses depending on if hetero male or female. If you’re a man and not spending a fair amount of time ( with her direction) performing oral or digital manipulation, or using a more efficient toy- chances are you’re not that great in bed. Being well-endowed will certainly help mitigate this, but staying on interminably waiting for her to arrive results in MOST faking it.

As a very well-endowed guy I still spend 90% of the time on oral and digital not PIV, so it’s maybe at most an ancillary benefit.

As a woman I consider oral/digital and PIV basic literacy. What makes a man great in bed is a combination trust, connection and how he puts it together -- choreography if you will.

100%

-Np, also woman

Okay, but a lot of men remain sexually illiterate. They take instruction from porn and often just default to what feels good for them, and women don’t provide explicit instruction. Too many women out there faking it; it never hurts to reiterate the remedial tips.

As an inexperienced guy, this subthread is demoralizing. “You only know the basics, if even that, to be really good you have to know the advanced stuff. And nobody’s gonna teach you the advanced stuff. “

Hey inexperienced guy, my second best lover was 21 (I was 22), so just give it a try, apply yourself (pun intended!).

But tbh there is something about sensuality and passion that you cannot teach. The people who are great at sex are in my experience also the ones that love good music, food, wine—hedonists, basically! There is an indescribable quality passionate people just have, and even if they are having a one night stand, it comes through.

*sigh* yeah I'm not sensual or passionate. I guess I should find a hobby other than sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are very different responses depending on if hetero male or female. If you’re a man and not spending a fair amount of time ( with her direction) performing oral or digital manipulation, or using a more efficient toy- chances are you’re not that great in bed. Being well-endowed will certainly help mitigate this, but staying on interminably waiting for her to arrive results in MOST faking it.

As a very well-endowed guy I still spend 90% of the time on oral and digital not PIV, so it’s maybe at most an ancillary benefit.

As a woman I consider oral/digital and PIV basic literacy. What makes a man great in bed is a combination trust, connection and how he puts it together -- choreography if you will.

100%

-Np, also woman

Okay, but a lot of men remain sexually illiterate. They take instruction from porn and often just default to what feels good for them, and women don’t provide explicit instruction. Too many women out there faking it; it never hurts to reiterate the remedial tips.

As an inexperienced guy, this subthread is demoralizing. “You only know the basics, if even that, to be really good you have to know the advanced stuff. And nobody’s gonna teach you the advanced stuff. “

That's why you start early. No good becoming a star quarterback at age 38.

Not true. It's never too late to start. I'd rather take a humble, inexperienced guy who wanted to listen and learn than someone who's slept with 100 women and thinks he's hot sh*t in the bedroom. Because guess what? Women's, and people's, bodies are individual and different so what works with one doesn't necessarily work with another. Every single person you sleep with is starting over. Communication, a loving connection, sensuality and playfulness will take you far. Signed, middle aged woman having the best sex ever with a middle aged man who didn't have a ton of experience

[Anonymous]

Who cares? As long as I get mine, I'm happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex with someone you don't like, even if his technique is objectively perfect, will never be great.

Under what circumstances would you end up having sex with someone you don't like unless you are paid to do so. I don't get you.

Welcome to the real world.

Mid-50s male. A professional woman in the DMV made it abundantly clear that she wanted to please me orally after our dinner date. I let her, but we didn’t see each other again. Nice woman, but I wasn’t that attracted to her.

In short, it happens.

I've also had dates like that. Recently-divorced women are desperately horny.

Well, you got the desperate part correct. Desperate to please, desperate to connect.

Might be worth unpacking that misogynistic viewpoint that a woman with a sexual drive who goes after what she wants is desperate, but the same man is a stud.