Why do people think you have to spend so much on your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

Are you an immigrant?

Not immigrant would put their kids education on the back burner like this. Certainly not an Asian.

+1
My guess is that OP is White person.

They are the only one who believe in the legendry tales of people who went to night school while working in a janatorial job in the day time, and later became the CEO of a company! This kind of magical things do not happen to non-Whites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

My kids do club sports and expensive music programs and I have zero expectations for a scholarship nor want them to do either in college as I want them to go to get educated for a career that can financially support them. They do it for enjoyment/exercise.

Exactly, I was a rec soccer kid and I got plenty of exercise and had a blast. I went to school with kids on travel teams which I was a bit jealous of at the time (I probably wasn’t even good enough to be on them anyway) but it didn’t matter in the end, most of those kids never played soccer at the D1 level. There’s so much elitism on this forum and it’s full of parents trying to justify the inordinate amount of money they spend on activities.

I think if you’re truly wealthy right out of the gate and endowed with lots of family money it’s no problem to go all out for your kids. If money was no object I would do the same for my children. But at the end of the day most of the stuff UMC’s think are needs are in reality wants, and done for appearances and to fit in with various social crowds. Kids don’t need to be pampered this much to turn out decent.

We are far from wealthy, we live in a crappy really small house, rarely vacation, and often clothes are from Walmart. Everyone prioritizes things differently and I prioritize what my kids enjoy. We also have college savings.

My kids are at high level activities, which also include private lessons. I don't need to justify it. They enjoy it and that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

My kids do club sports and expensive music programs and I have zero expectations for a scholarship nor want them to do either in college as I want them to go to get educated for a career that can financially support them. They do it for enjoyment/exercise.

Exactly, I was a rec soccer kid and I got plenty of exercise and had a blast. I went to school with kids on travel teams which I was a bit jealous of at the time (I probably wasn’t even good enough to be on them anyway) but it didn’t matter in the end, most of those kids never played soccer at the D1 level. There’s so much elitism on this forum and it’s full of parents trying to justify the inordinate amount of money they spend on activities.

I think if you’re truly wealthy right out of the gate and endowed with lots of family money it’s no problem to go all out for your kids. If money was no object I would do the same for my children. But at the end of the day most of the stuff UMC’s think are needs are in reality wants, and done for appearances and to fit in with various social crowds. Kids don’t need to be pampered this much to turn out decent.

We are far from wealthy, we live in a crappy really small house, rarely vacation, and often clothes are from Walmart. Everyone prioritizes things differently and I prioritize what my kids enjoy. We also have college savings.

My kids are at high level activities, which also include private lessons. I don't need to justify it. They enjoy it and that's all that matters.

+1.

Before kids, DH and I used to spend entire weekends laying on the couch watching movies.

What else would we spend money on? We are not rich, but we are not lacking. We've saved more than enough for retirement. We have life insurance too.

If our kids enjoy the activities, why not? We are also taking a 20K vacation this year because they want to. I would sit on my couch all day typing on DCUM if they didn't. My money, my children and my priorities. ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

My kids do club sports and expensive music programs and I have zero expectations for a scholarship nor want them to do either in college as I want them to go to get educated for a career that can financially support them. They do it for enjoyment/exercise.

+1. My kids enjoy their sports and make friends outside of school. It builds confidence to be good at a sport or activity.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for OP’s kids. Bad luck of the draw for UMC family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with you on college (will try to help kid avoid loans as much as possible) but I agree with you on not needing much to raise kids.
I come from very little and even with the modest lifestyle for my kid it’s been an immense upward mobility trajectory. He has no idea but I do.

I disagree. I was a FRAMS kids and spent my summers watching my siblings. I never went to summer camp, never did sports, and our big vacation was taking the bus to the beach for the day.

I make damn sure my kid have fun summers in great summer camps, do sports of interest and will pay for lessons, and we go on vacation at least 3 times a year. Whatever interests in extracurriculars, sports, enrichment I will support.

I tell DS tidbits and stories about how I grew up, could not do the things he does, etc…. It’s important for him to know that we have the means to make life better for him and why wouldn’t you for your child? If you raise them right with the right values, lots of kids turn out fine.

[Anonymous]

I think travel sports are the dumbest thing ever & refuse to pay for them

I would never make my kids take out student loans for postsecondary education (college + grad school)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

Are you an immigrant?

Not immigrant would put their kids education on the back burner like this. Certainly not an Asian.

+1
My guess is that OP is White person.

They are the only one who believe in the legendry tales of people who went to night school while working in a janatorial job in the day time, and later became the CEO of a company! This kind of magical things do not happen to non-Whites.

+10000

[Anonymous]

OP check back in when your kids are HS juniors and you’ve explained that you chose not to save $ for college bc they can just go to CC and THEN tell us how “happy” they are.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother and my parents were like you OP. I was horrified when I got older and realized how much my father made and how much my grandparents had and how they made certain college and enrichment wasn't in the cards for us even when we asked. My grandparents made sure no one inherented anything and my parents are just as bad. I married into a family that has provided trusts and has worked to build intergenerational wealth. We don't make as much as you do but we ensure that our kids have high quality activities that will enable them to be well-rounded and interesting people who are not afraid of hard work and challenge. That is half the reason to have such activities--to instill discipline in an endeavor be it music or sports. Aside from lack of sense, it It sounds like you lack social and cultural capital.

[Anonymous]

As your kids get older you want them to stay busy in productive ways. Sports, dance, music, chess, whatever... This means they're not spending too much time sitting around bored, on screens, getting themselves into trouble, etc. For many of us that means activities that kids have to enjoy and develop over many years, to the point that they can pursue them at a high enough level that shows some mastery, takes up a fair amount of time and commitment, and looks good on college applications. This does not mean at all that your kids have to aspire to be professionals in the field or even bank on getting a scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of community college varies by where you live. If you live in Virginia, the current cost is a bit over $3700 a year. So maybe with the max allowed loans and year round jobs, your kids could get through 2 years of community college. Probably not doable in Maryland. Current cost is $7300 a year. What you will have saved plus their earnings is unlikely to be enough to go straIght through for the last 2 years. even if they live at home.

I hope you're a troll. If not, I feel sorry for your kids.

OP here we are in MD, I don’t think the savings will be an issue and here’s why. We started saving as soon as we made the decision to have our first kid, 2 years before they were born so there will be 20 years of savings and the same for our second kid. 2000/yr compounding at 7% per year is $82,000 after 20 years in current year dollars. We will also be increasing the savings rate starting next year to 2400/yr to account for recent inflation. The current cost of college per year for in state students at UMD is around 25k give or take including room and board. For community college it’s around 7500/yr where we live and they will be living at home during that time with all expenses covered unless they insist on moving out (on their own dime of course!), so this only comes out to 65k for 4 years. Now of course, the cost of college might increase faster than inflation but this is out of our control. Investments could do poorly as well, but again that’s out of our control. If there’s a gap with the savings, kids can take out loans like I did or get a side job or good paying internship. Summer internships at good companies are paying $50+ an hour these days.

I went to school right when the financial crisis was happening and a lot of the money was invested in stocks so bad timing on my parents part, but that’s how it goes sometimes. I took out loans that were around 28k by the time I graduated. I paid everything off within 2 years because I made sure to go in to a lucrative field (tech) with a salary that made the 4 year college education worth it.

So I really don’t think the savings will be an issue. I also played rec soccer as a kid, was in my schools band, scouts, etc and didn’t feel like my parents limited my childhood enrichment at all. I’m on good terms with my parents and they were able to retire at an early age which I’m happy for.

What a nightmare you are setting up. You don’t think your 20 year old is going to resent your being such a tightwad that you control every decision on where they live and where they go to college when you have plenty of money to give them choices? Good luck with that.

Of course this assumes that they will even get into UMD, which they might not since you are determined to raise lackluster kids with no extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

Are you an immigrant?

Not immigrant would put their kids education on the back burner like this. Certainly not an Asian.

+1
My guess is that OP is White person.

They are the only one who believe in the legendry tales of people who went to night school while working in a janatorial job in the day time, and later became the CEO of a company! This kind of magical things do not happen to non-Whites.

+2. No way OP is an immigrants. Immigrants pour everything they have into their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of community college varies by where you live. If you live in Virginia, the current cost is a bit over $3700 a year. So maybe with the max allowed loans and year round jobs, your kids could get through 2 years of community college. Probably not doable in Maryland. Current cost is $7300 a year. What you will have saved plus their earnings is unlikely to be enough to go straIght through for the last 2 years. even if they live at home.

I hope you're a troll. If not, I feel sorry for your kids.

OP here we are in MD, I don’t think the savings will be an issue and here’s why. We started saving as soon as we made the decision to have our first kid, 2 years before they were born so there will be 20 years of savings and the same for our second kid. 2000/yr compounding at 7% per year is $82,000 after 20 years in current year dollars. We will also be increasing the savings rate starting next year to 2400/yr to account for recent inflation. The current cost of college per year for in state students at UMD is around 25k give or take including room and board. For community college it’s around 7500/yr where we live and they will be living at home during that time with all expenses covered unless they insist on moving out (on their own dime of course!), so this only comes out to 65k for 4 years. Now of course, the cost of college might increase faster than inflation but this is out of our control. Investments could do poorly as well, but again that’s out of our control. If there’s a gap with the savings, kids can take out loans like I did or get a side job or good paying internship. Summer internships at good companies are paying $50+ an hour these days.

I went to school right when the financial crisis was happening and a lot of the money was invested in stocks so bad timing on my parents part, but that’s how it goes sometimes. I took out loans that were around 28k by the time I graduated. I paid everything off within 2 years because I made sure to go in to a lucrative field (tech) with a salary that made the 4 year college education worth it.

So I really don’t think the savings will be an issue. I also played rec soccer as a kid, was in my schools band, scouts, etc and didn’t feel like my parents limited my childhood enrichment at all. I’m on good terms with my parents and they were able to retire at an early age which I’m happy for.

What a nightmare you are setting up. You don’t think your 20 year old is going to resent your being such a tightwad that you control every decision on where they live and where they go to college when you have plenty of money to give them choices? Good luck with that.

Of course this assumes that they will even get into UMD, which they might not since you are determined to raise lackluster kids with no extras.

The resentment is going to come sooner when OP’s kids are the only one doing rec sports and cheap city summer camp while all their friends will be doing a ton of enriching activities, sports which OP is too cheap to invest in.

It’s obvious OP has young kids and so remarkably naive in thinking she can make all the decisions and control her kids interests and lives until they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, what are you scrimping and saving for? If you work a job that you do not enjoy and are aiming for early retirement, I’d say your approach, while cheap and self righteous, makes more sense. But it sounds like you want to the richest man in the cemetery. You’ll eventually be passing that money to your children anyways, maybe at a time they’ll need it less…who knows what the future holds.

I want to have enough to stop working in my 40’s, I may choose to still work once I hit that number and if so will probably increase the amount I spend on my kids, by that time they will be hitting adulthood just in time for college/car/future weddings/etc. It really depends, ideally I’ll be able to still have a good paying career that isn’t too stressful or demanding but I don’t want to bank on it, so I want to front load my investments as much as possible. I might get to the point where I can’t stand working any longer and I don’t want that to happen when I’m 15 years from being able to retire.

You shouldn’t have had kids.

They’d doing fine, it’s all relative. I come from a background where many don’t have enough to save for their kids college at all and have to rent an apartment instead. Compared to the majority of America and the world they’re spoiled. We don’t drink or use drugs, my wife and I are married with a great relationship, we promote healthy active lifestyles for our kids and a good work ethic, we have a great community. I don’t lose any sleep.

Most of the hand wringing on these forums about being able to provide the perfect upbringing with private school, big houses, fancy ECs is unnecessary. It’s all icing on the cake lifestyle fluff

My kids go to public school, we live in a modest (2400 sq ft) house, and the play red sports. But I think you sound insufferable. We bought in the best close-in neighborhood we could with great public schools. We enjoy travel with our kids so they can see new places. They are in elementary school and already have 50-75k each on their 529s because we care about them having educational opportunities when they’re older. And we make less than you.

My question is why wouldn’t you want to put more of your resources toward you children? There’s a middle ground between private schools and international ski trips vs. being a miser and making your kids saddle themselves with student loan debt.

+1

Why even have kids if you do not want to provide for them? I just can't fathom not wanting to provide some activities and education when you are worth so much