Why do people think you have to spend so much on your kids?

[Anonymous]

If I didn’t spend my money on my kids, what would I spend it on? The only reason I’ve worked as hard as I have is to make enough money to provide my kids with opportunities. Otherwise, I don’t see the point in having money.

[Anonymous]

I came to US in my early 20s. I had an associate degree from my country. My English wasn't bad, but wasn't fluent either. I took some ESL classes at CC at first, then took about 100 credits in CC. I went to CC because that's all I could afford. Since I got most straight A's in CC, I got $1000 scholarship per semester. I then transferred my credits to private university ( Marymount University) and finished bachelor's degree. So I never lived on campus, I was always commuting. I'm a government employee and make over $100K. Not bad for an immigrant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you would send your kid to a crappy CC on a 400k HHI instead of giving them the full college experience is crazy to me.

PP above is correct. The academic peers are totally different.

Would that college experience include underage drinking, hazing, and partying? What else is there? Oh there is living in shitty dorms and sharing bathrooms with filthy roommates.

Not every kid is looking forward to that.

You send them to "great" schools to hang out with other children whose parents could afford to send their children to "great" schools. There is a lot of value in that, no doubt.

Otherwise, a good student is a good student.

A ton. Internships (many companies won’t hire interns who go to cc), Greek life, club sports, living independently, learning to deal with roommates, getting away from your helicopter parents, late night adventures…

Many companies will hire interns who went to CC. My kids went to CC and had no problems getting internships and jobs at top fortune 500 companies. But I have to admit, not every kid will be successful taking that path. Only the smart kids will succeed. If your kids aren't smart enough, take a different path.

This is the most aggressive helicopter/participation trophy parenting I have ever encountered. Did you write their fortune 500 cover letters for them while they were at home too?

No, they are smart enough to do it themselves. They aren't waiting for mom and dad to do and pay everything for them.
Smart students exist everywhere, in CC, in public and private 4y colleges. When you are smart, you'll find internships and jobs even if you went to a CC. Your idea that companies don't hire students who went to CC is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

[Anonymous]

CC, then Undergrad at UMBC, then MBA from University of Virginia Darden
35yo and currently making $370k
Not bad. It's not that hard. If I can do it, anybody could do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CC, then Undergrad at UMBC, then MBA from University of Virginia Darden
35yo and currently making $370k
Not bad. It's not that hard. If I can do it, anybody could do it.

Curious to know what job you were able to get out of UMBC that was considered good enough job experience to get into Darden.

[Anonymous]

The college experience has value in and off itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college experience has value in and off itself.

*of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you would send your kid to a crappy CC on a 400k HHI instead of giving them the full college experience is crazy to me.

PP above is correct. The academic peers are totally different.

Would that college experience include underage drinking, hazing, and partying? What else is there? Oh there is living in shitty dorms and sharing bathrooms with filthy roommates.

Not every kid is looking forward to that.

You send them to "great" schools to hang out with other children whose parents could afford to send their children to "great" schools. There is a lot of value in that, no doubt.

Otherwise, a good student is a good student.

A ton. Internships (many companies won’t hire interns who go to cc), Greek life, club sports, living independently, learning to deal with roommates, getting away from your helicopter parents, late night adventures…

I’ll add a cerebral academic environment, access to professors, majority equivalent academic peers, a very diverse array of courses to choose from to build a good underlying humanities base to name a few.

I feel sorry that PP kids got deprived of such. College is the best 4 years of your life and for many it’s true.

If you want to grind away at CC and then grind away the last 2 years to make up for lost credits that’s your choice. No way I’m sending my high performing kid to CC when I have options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

Why stop there? Why not a one bedroom condo? Kids can make do on a pullout in the living room! Rec soccer??? Why not just give them a pig’s bladder to kick around—if it was good enough for Laura Ingalls on the prairie, why do they need that fancy store bought soccer ball? Summer camp? Just drop them at the public library with a can of beans and tell them to enter themselves until the street lights come on. It’s your tax dollar paying those librarians so they can keep an eye on your kids. For a special treat, I’m sure there is a creek they can splash around in when they feel like a swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CC, then Undergrad at UMBC, then MBA from University of Virginia Darden
35yo and currently making $370k
Not bad. It's not that hard. If I can do it, anybody could do it.

Curious to know what job you were able to get out of UMBC that was considered good enough job experience to get into Darden.

Graduated with a BS in Information Systems, got a job at Deloitte Consulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you would send your kid to a crappy CC on a 400k HHI instead of giving them the full college experience is crazy to me.

PP above is correct. The academic peers are totally different.

Would that college experience include underage drinking, hazing, and partying? What else is there? Oh there is living in shitty dorms and sharing bathrooms with filthy roommates.

Not every kid is looking forward to that.

You send them to "great" schools to hang out with other children whose parents could afford to send their children to "great" schools. There is a lot of value in that, no doubt.

Otherwise, a good student is a good student.

A ton. Internships (many companies won’t hire interns who go to cc), Greek life, club sports, living independently, learning to deal with roommates, getting away from your helicopter parents, late night adventures…

I’ll add a cerebral academic environment, access to professors, majority equivalent academic peers, a very diverse array of courses to choose from to build a good underlying humanities base to name a few.

I feel sorry that PP kids got deprived of such. College is the best 4 years of your life and for many it’s true.

If you want to grind away at CC and then grind away the last 2 years to make up for lost credits that’s your choice. No way I’m sending my high performing kid to CC when I have options.

I hope college will not be the best 4 years of my kids' life. Talk about a premature peak!

The fact that you have to repeat clearly false information about transferring credits to make your case is interesting.

I will send my kids to whatever university they choose to attend because I can. I don't need to make up stories to justify that decision. OP hit a nerve...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you would send your kid to a crappy CC on a 400k HHI instead of giving them the full college experience is crazy to me.

PP above is correct. The academic peers are totally different.

Would that college experience include underage drinking, hazing, and partying? What else is there? Oh there is living in shitty dorms and sharing bathrooms with filthy roommates.

Not every kid is looking forward to that.

You send them to "great" schools to hang out with other children whose parents could afford to send their children to "great" schools. There is a lot of value in that, no doubt.

Otherwise, a good student is a good student.

A ton. Internships (many companies won’t hire interns who go to cc), Greek life, club sports, living independently, learning to deal with roommates, getting away from your helicopter parents, late night adventures…

I’ll add a cerebral academic environment, access to professors, majority equivalent academic peers, a very diverse array of courses to choose from to build a good underlying humanities base to name a few.

I feel sorry that PP kids got deprived of such. College is the best 4 years of your life and for many it’s true.

If you want to grind away at CC and then grind away the last 2 years to make up for lost credits that’s your choice. No way I’m sending my high performing kid to CC when I have options.

If the best years of your life were in college, your life must have gone downhill since college and this is sad. The best years of your life should be now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I didn’t spend my money on my kids, what would I spend it on? The only reason I’ve worked as hard as I have is to make enough money to provide my kids with opportunities. Otherwise, I don’t see the point in having money.

I kind of agree with this. My career has taken off since I started having kids four years ago and part of it is that I want them to have a comfortable life. I also want to have a comfortable life and try to "pay myself first" but retiring early is not a goal of mine. My kids aren't in crazy expensive sports, but I do believe in enrichment and am going to get them started in water polo which is a little pricey. My husband and I have a HHI of $750K and we drive Honda pilots. I'd rather pay for a great nanny and save for their college/pay for enrichment than drive a BMW.

[Anonymous]

It's not a strain because you make $400k a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

OP, I wouldn’t do the same but I fully understand what you are doing. You are doing the right thing. Good parenting doesn’t mean throwing money into expensive activities for your kids. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Your kids can be happy and have a wonderful life without all of this, and it seems like they are happy.
Kids don’t need to go to elite colleges to succeed in life. Your plans don’t include paying for expensive colleges and this is totally fine.

-1

Huge difference between "paying $80K/year for elite colleges vs fully funding $40-50K/year for good state school/private school with some merit vs go to CC and figure it out from there you are on your own"

Providing an education is very different than funding expensive sports/activities.
Why have kids is you don't want to help with the basics? In 2023, helping fund college is part of the basics when you make$400K

Education is very important and helping fund college is definitely part of the basics. But that can be partly funding, that can be funding CC, etc..
Teaching your kids how to fish is more important than serving them the fish in a golden plate.

CC path is not that viable if you want engineering/CS. 2 years at CC would be half wasted---you'd have your Gen Eds and maybe the first year of Calc. Where I live the CC is not as rigorous as the first year of classes at StateU so you might get at most 1 year towards your Eng Degree. Therefore, starting at a 4 year would be more useful. Have the kid go to State school/private with some merit so it's only 40-50K/year. But if you make $400K+/year, you should at a minimum help your kid attend that without debt (or at most the $27Kmax over 4 years). yes the kid can work a summer job and during breaks and earn $10K towards college and their spending in college. But why would you saddle them with more debt or make them take 6-8 years to get their degree while working?

Not prudent

Is this a new thing?

I know engineers who earn 300k and upwards who went to CC for two years and a 4 year university for two years. All their credits transferred.

In my college days (14 years ago) Montgomery community College in Maryland had a lot of transfers to University of Maryland who didn't lose any credits.

Exactly.

I transferred into pre-med at UMD with credits from CC. I did my labs at CC just fine before and during my time at UMD; I took summer classes as well. Everything transferred. I have no idea when or where some of these posters went to college but at least in Maryland there is a very good path between the CCs and the public universities.

Not all states are set up as well as MD, particularly if you don’t go to a large flagship. I transferred from a CC to a smaller 4-year state school (in another state) and had a harder time because the classes I needed for my major were not offered every semester. Also the stats classes at CC did not prepare me well for upper level stats classes at the state university. My sister was a communications major and had a much smoother transition.