Why do people think you have to spend so much on your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question meant without snark - what is 2k/year saved going to do for them? Are you planning on funding the rest of their college education? They won’t get aid with parents who have a 400k HHI, right?

I expect them to pay their way through school/get loans/community college the first 2 years. Once they can work I’ll encourage them to get jobs to help save for their college education. I’ll also discourage them from majoring in a field with poor earning prospects.

oh boy
this will not work out well for you OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, what are you scrimping and saving for? If you work a job that you do not enjoy and are aiming for early retirement, I’d say your approach, while cheap and self righteous, makes more sense. But it sounds like you want to the richest man in the cemetery. You’ll eventually be passing that money to your children anyways, maybe at a time they’ll need it less…who knows what the future holds.

I want to have enough to stop working in my 40’s, I may choose to still work once I hit that number and if so will probably increase the amount I spend on my kids, by that time they will be hitting adulthood just in time for college/car/future weddings/etc. It really depends, ideally I’ll be able to still have a good paying career that isn’t too stressful or demanding but I don’t want to bank on it, so I want to front load my investments as much as possible. I might get to the point where I can’t stand working any longer and I don’t want that to happen when I’m 15 years from being able to retire.

You shouldn’t have had kids.

They’d doing fine, it’s all relative. I come from a background where many don’t have enough to save for their kids college at all and have to rent an apartment instead. Compared to the majority of America and the world they’re spoiled. We don’t drink or use drugs, my wife and I are married with a great relationship, we promote healthy active lifestyles for our kids and a good work ethic, we have a great community. I don’t lose any sleep.

Most of the hand wringing on these forums about being able to provide the perfect upbringing with private school, big houses, fancy ECs is unnecessary. It’s all icing on the cake lifestyle fluff

My kids go to public school, we live in a modest (2400 sq ft) house, and the play red sports. But I think you sound insufferable. We bought in the best close-in neighborhood we could with great public schools. We enjoy travel with our kids so they can see new places. They are in elementary school and already have 50-75k each on their 529s because we care about them having educational opportunities when they’re older. And we make less than you.

My question is why wouldn’t you want to put more of your resources toward you children? There’s a middle ground between private schools and international ski trips vs. being a miser and making your kids saddle themselves with student loan debt.

+1

Why even have kids if you do not want to provide for them? I just can't fathom not wanting to provide some activities and education when you are worth so much

+1 I grew up broke and had to miss out as a lot of activities that my friends were engaged in as a result (because my family genuinely couldn’t afford them not because they were stingy and selfish). It gives me so much joy to be able to give my kids the opportunities I didn’t have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with you on college (will try to help kid avoid loans as much as possible) but I agree with you on not needing much to raise kids.
I come from very little and even with the modest lifestyle for my kid it’s been an immense upward mobility trajectory. He has no idea but I do.

I disagree. I was a FRAMS kids and spent my summers watching my siblings. I never went to summer camp, never did sports, and our big vacation was taking the bus to the beach for the day.

I make damn sure my kid have fun summers in great summer camps, do sports of interest and will pay for lessons, and we go on vacation at least 3 times a year. Whatever interests in extracurriculars, sports, enrichment I will support.

I tell DS tidbits and stories about how I grew up, could not do the things he does, etc…. It’s important for him to know that we have the means to make life better for him and why wouldn’t you for your child? If you raise them right with the right values, lots of kids turn out fine.

I am not saying you shouldn’t do it. But I understand that if a kid is not super interested and not super talented - it’s totally fine to get him into cheaper activities.
I spent a ton of money when my kid was younger and he tried everything; he hasn’t found his passion and he prefers staying home to anything else. Why should I keep trying?
However I will do what I can to help him pay for whatever college he goes to. He will be fine. He isn’t destined to climb to the top anyway and that’s ok. He won’t starve and hopefully will be moderately productive and satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, what are you scrimping and saving for? If you work a job that you do not enjoy and are aiming for early retirement, I’d say your approach, while cheap and self righteous, makes more sense. But it sounds like you want to the richest man in the cemetery. You’ll eventually be passing that money to your children anyways, maybe at a time they’ll need it less…who knows what the future holds.

I want to have enough to stop working in my 40’s, I may choose to still work once I hit that number and if so will probably increase the amount I spend on my kids, by that time they will be hitting adulthood just in time for college/car/future weddings/etc. It really depends, ideally I’ll be able to still have a good paying career that isn’t too stressful or demanding but I don’t want to bank on it, so I want to front load my investments as much as possible. I might get to the point where I can’t stand working any longer and I don’t want that to happen when I’m 15 years from being able to retire.

You shouldn’t have had kids.

They’d doing fine, it’s all relative. I come from a background where many don’t have enough to save for their kids college at all and have to rent an apartment instead. Compared to the majority of America and the world they’re spoiled. We don’t drink or use drugs, my wife and I are married with a great relationship, we promote healthy active lifestyles for our kids and a good work ethic, we have a great community. I don’t lose any sleep.

Most of the hand wringing on these forums about being able to provide the perfect upbringing with private school, big houses, fancy ECs is unnecessary. It’s all icing on the cake lifestyle fluff

My kids go to public school, we live in a modest (2400 sq ft) house, and the play red sports. But I think you sound insufferable. We bought in the best close-in neighborhood we could with great public schools. We enjoy travel with our kids so they can see new places. They are in elementary school and already have 50-75k each on their 529s because we care about them having educational opportunities when they’re older. And we make less than you.

My question is why wouldn’t you want to put more of your resources toward you children? There’s a middle ground between private schools and international ski trips vs. being a miser and making your kids saddle themselves with student loan debt.

+1

Why even have kids if you do not want to provide for them? I just can't fathom not wanting to provide some activities and education when you are worth so much

Not OP and not nearly as wealthy but after my kid tried a ton of stuff and wasn’t good at or passionate about anything I am throwing in the towel. I will sign him up if he asks, otherwise he does after school sports and is in activities which are not too much trouble for me (since he doesn’t really have a preference).

[Anonymous]

Wow, you make $400k and will make your kid go to community college and take out student loans? You must not know how things work these days.

[Anonymous]

Im an immigrant and my parents did not have a lot of money. So no fancy sports and i did community center camp every summer. We never went to restaurants and thrifted for clothes. But we went on several trips a year. I saw many national parks, saw whales in canada, visited 10 European countries and they paid for all of college. It was a great leg up to graduate with no debt and also have seen something of the world by 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question meant without snark - what is 2k/year saved going to do for them? Are you planning on funding the rest of their college education? They won’t get aid with parents who have a 400k HHI, right?

I expect them to pay their way through school/get loans/community college the first 2 years. Once they can work I’ll encourage them to get jobs to help save for their college education. I’ll also discourage them from majoring in a field with poor earning prospects.

You better be putting your “savings” towards your own future needs in retirement, OP. I doubt your kids could afford to look after you, student loans and tuition being what they are. I doubt even more that they’d *want* to. Hopefully your frugal tastes extend to nursing homes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

Your kids must be dumb if they need this to get into an elite college. That’s ok, I don’t blame you. All kids aren’t bright. My kids are smart and didn’t need it. DD is attending Harvard. DS just graduated from MIT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

Your kids must be dumb if they need this to get into an elite college. That’s ok, I don’t blame you. All kids aren’t bright. My kids are smart and didn’t need it. DD is attending Harvard. DS just graduated from MIT.

You know better than anyone that being “smart” just isn’t enough these days unless you are off the charts genius and have someone the Ivies respect that is willing to vouch for that.

So what did you spend on? Private schools? Tutors? Essay writers? Counselors? Or are your kids just legacies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

Your kids must be dumb if they need this to get into an elite college. That’s ok, I don’t blame you. All kids aren’t bright. My kids are smart and didn’t need it. DD is attending Harvard. DS just graduated from MIT.

Sure, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

OP, I wouldn’t do the same but I fully understand what you are doing. You are doing the right thing. Good parenting doesn’t mean throwing money into expensive activities for your kids. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Your kids can be happy and have a wonderful life without all of this, and it seems like they are happy.
Kids don’t need to go to elite colleges to succeed in life. Your plans don’t include paying for expensive colleges and this is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

Tell yourself whatever you want to feel good, but it isn’t true. Getting recruited into an elite college is extremely difficult because there aren’t too many spots. Your kid will have to be truly excellent at their sport to get in that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’ve lined up long-term care.

+100. What goes around comes around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

Tell yourself whatever you want to feel good, but it isn’t true. Getting recruited into an elite college is extremely difficult because there aren’t too many spots. Your kid will have to be truly excellent at their sport to get in that way.

No, it isn’t. Many sports are so rare & cost-prohibitive that almost nobody competes in them. And in the popular sports, the truly elite athletes aren’t going to the Ivies, they’re going to P5 schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question meant without snark - what is 2k/year saved going to do for them? Are you planning on funding the rest of their college education? They won’t get aid with parents who have a 400k HHI, right?

I expect them to pay their way through school/get loans/community college the first 2 years. Once they can work I’ll encourage them to get jobs to help save for their college education. I’ll also discourage them from majoring in a field with poor earning prospects.

You better be putting your “savings” towards your own future needs in retirement, OP. I doubt your kids could afford to look after you, student loans and tuition being what they are. I doubt even more that they’d *want* to. Hopefully your frugal tastes extend to nursing homes!

Newsflash: everyone should be putting their savings towards their own future needs in retirement. There is an almost zero chance YOUR kids will be able afford to pay for your nursing home if you haven't saved for it yourself - have you priced one recently?

"Investing" in your kids as a plan for financing your nursing home care is a very shitty choice.