Why do people think you have to spend so much on your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, what are you scrimping and saving for? If you work a job that you do not enjoy and are aiming for early retirement, I’d say your approach, while cheap and self righteous, makes more sense. But it sounds like you want to the richest man in the cemetery. You’ll eventually be passing that money to your children anyways, maybe at a time they’ll need it less…who knows what the future holds.

I want to have enough to stop working in my 40’s, I may choose to still work once I hit that number and if so will probably increase the amount I spend on my kids, by that time they will be hitting adulthood just in time for college/car/future weddings/etc. It really depends, ideally I’ll be able to still have a good paying career that isn’t too stressful or demanding but I don’t want to bank on it, so I want to front load my investments as much as possible. I might get to the point where I can’t stand working any longer and I don’t want that to happen when I’m 15 years from being able to retire.

You shouldn’t have had kids.

They’d doing fine, it’s all relative. I come from a background where many don’t have enough to save for their kids college at all and have to rent an apartment instead. Compared to the majority of America and the world they’re spoiled. We don’t drink or use drugs, my wife and I are married with a great relationship, we promote healthy active lifestyles for our kids and a good work ethic, we have a great community. I don’t lose any sleep.

Most of the hand wringing on these forums about being able to provide the perfect upbringing with private school, big houses, fancy ECs is unnecessary. It’s all icing on the cake lifestyle fluff

My kids go to public school, we live in a modest (2400 sq ft) house, and the play red sports. But I think you sound insufferable. We bought in the best close-in neighborhood we could with great public schools. We enjoy travel with our kids so they can see new places. They are in elementary school and already have 50-75k each on their 529s because we care about them having educational opportunities when they’re older. And we make less than you.

My question is why wouldn’t you want to put more of your resources toward you children? There’s a middle ground between private schools and international ski trips vs. being a miser and making your kids saddle themselves with student loan debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

We live in a close-in neighborhood in an excellent school district. Our house has more than doubled in value since we bought, much more than we could have saved. You don’t sound financially savvy.

so you leveraged yourself heavily and got lucky speculating on real estate, maybe indirectly if that wasn’t the main reason you bought, but I wouldn’t call buying a huge/expensive house on credit without lots of savings to back it up a good financial move. You gambled and it worked out, but it’s likely not reproducible in the current environment and if you advise a young person to do that today it would be considered a very risky choice.

OP could have done that years ago, instead of patting themselves on the back for living in rural WV.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’ve lined up long-term care.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, where is this guaranteed 7% return you are assuming on 529?

[Anonymous]

It make parents feel better. I'm an immigrant and I don't spend much on my kids.
If I feel like they need something or are deprived, I would. I have needed nothing from K-12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

My kids do club sports and expensive music programs and I have zero expectations for a scholarship nor want them to do either in college as I want them to go to get educated for a career that can financially support them. They do it for enjoyment/exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do you OP. What if your kid is a soccer or dance or basketball phenom and you were too cheap to explore their interest, when you could afford it? So sad, there is a balance you can strike. My child has a fantastic life, is well rounded and gets the joy out of exploring various sports and hobbies. I have a high net worth and don't have to budget what I spend. I would rather give my child excellent experiences and think about it as enriching their life.

The likelihood that OP’s kid is phenomenal at anything is zero and OP already knows it. I think it’s good that OP had already realized that his kids aren’t worth extensive investment— the money can then be put elsewhere.

Lol as if the typical UMC white kid is ever going to be in the NBA or go to the World Cup, most of your kids are destined to be pencil pushing cogs like the rest of us. Delusional to think spending hundreds of thousands on enriching activities will lead to a significantly different outcome.

You aren’t clued. People spend thousands of dollars on youth sports so that their kid can get a recruited athlete spot at an elite college, or to get an athletic scholarship, but usually the former. You do NOT need to be an Olympic-level athlete to get a recruiting likely letter, not even close.

My kids do club sports and expensive music programs and I have zero expectations for a scholarship nor want them to do either in college as I want them to go to get educated for a career that can financially support them. They do it for enjoyment/exercise.

Exactly, I was a rec soccer kid and I got plenty of exercise and had a blast. I went to school with kids on travel teams which I was a bit jealous of at the time (I probably wasn’t even good enough to be on them anyway) but it didn’t matter in the end, most of those kids never played soccer at the D1 level. There’s so much elitism on this forum and it’s full of parents trying to justify the inordinate amount of money they spend on activities.

I think if you’re truly wealthy right out of the gate and endowed with lots of family money it’s no problem to go all out for your kids. If money was no object I would do the same for my children. But at the end of the day most of the stuff UMC’s think are needs are in reality wants, and done for appearances and to fit in with various social crowds. Kids don’t need to be pampered this much to turn out decent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question meant without snark - what is 2k/year saved going to do for them? Are you planning on funding the rest of their college education? They won’t get aid with parents who have a 400k HHI, right?

I expect them to pay their way through school/get loans/community college the first 2 years. Once they can work I’ll encourage them to get jobs to help save for their college education. I’ll also discourage them from majoring in a field with poor earning prospects.

Wow, you suck. You do realize that your kids are going to see your income & assets when you fill out the FAFSA? Do you have any idea how much college costs (even instate ones like VT & GMU)?

I hope your kids use their leverage against you when they’re adults.

+1. OP has 400k income, small mortgage, and won’t help with college at all. Wow, unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are so dumb it hurts, you should be investing in RE

+1000. Especially in the DMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

We make 1/2 of what you make. We don’t feel morally obligated to do anything. The money we spend on our kid doesn’t financially strain us.

Your kids don’t know any better because you are cheap and won’t spend money on them. My god, I can’t believe you put them in cheap city summer camp which is basically babysitting instead of enriching camps on your HHI.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are real, please consider that you are doing your kids a huge disservice.

Small house, rec soccer etc sound great if accompanied by love in the household. Probably better off than most of their peers honestly. But college is different. Your HHI and assets will place them in a worse place than kids whose families have nothing. Up your 529, pay out of cash flow, whatever. But don’t disadvantage your kids by refusing to help with college.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with you on college (will try to help kid avoid loans as much as possible) but I agree with you on not needing much to raise kids.
I come from very little and even with the modest lifestyle for my kid it’s been an immense upward mobility trajectory. He has no idea but I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, we live in a 3 br townhouse in an exurb that has a 1400/mo mortgage, we send them to public school and we only save $2000 per year per kid for their college while having a 400k HHI. Rec soccer, cheap city summer camps. I don’t believe that you are morally obligated to financially strain yourself just to give your kids what society thinks is the ideal life. Our kids are very happy and don’t feel like they’re deprived from what I can tell.

We make 1/2 of what you make. We don’t feel morally obligated to do anything. The money we spend on our kid doesn’t financially strain us.

Your kids don’t know any better because you are cheap and won’t spend money on them. My god, I can’t believe you put them in cheap city summer camp which is basically babysitting instead of enriching camps on your HHI.

Not OP but I have a kid who wasn’t really interested in anything up until middle school and enriching camps wouldn’t be worth it because he didn’t want to do anything

[Anonymous]

Hey I admire you OP. Raising kids is a rat race. If you can opt out of all the expensive activities, more power to you.

I will say it’s easy to opt out when they’re young (we did), but with age the expenses, obligations and expenses do grow.