You don’t get to police screen time of other people’s children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if OP is making "bad" decisions regarding her kids' screen use, her SIL isn't entitled to step in and override her. All of you criticizing her for the screentime are missing the point.

OP here. This is exactly my point. You can think I am literally the worst parent, you still don’t override me regarding my children. Even in your own home (which again we were not.) You are free to stop inviting us or seeing us, but no my kids don’t have to eat their vegetables at your house to earn dessert or go to bed when you say (or whatever random rule you want to assert.)

Instead though of standing behind your SIL, realizing she’s wanting to spend time together without screens, you instead fought back against what she said. Did you do it in front of the children or did you just whine to the children about it later?

NP: You are missing the point too because you are stuck on the fact that you happen to agree with SIL on this point. Flip it. What if SIL was feeding the kids candy for breakfast because that is their special vacation thing? Or telling them they were conserving water, so no baths or showers or teeth brushing for the whole vacation? Or that everyone must complete a math workbook before anyone can go to the beach each day? The point is that whatever SIL's rules are for her kids, not matter if you agree or disagree with SIL or OP, SIL doesn't get to make the rules for someone else's kids on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if OP is making "bad" decisions regarding her kids' screen use, her SIL isn't entitled to step in and override her. All of you criticizing her for the screentime are missing the point.

OP here. This is exactly my point. You can think I am literally the worst parent, you still don’t override me regarding my children. Even in your own home (which again we were not.) You are free to stop inviting us or seeing us, but no my kids don’t have to eat their vegetables at your house to earn dessert or go to bed when you say (or whatever random rule you want to assert.)

Instead though of standing behind your SIL, realizing she’s wanting to spend time together without screens, you instead fought back against what she said. Did you do it in front of the children or did you just whine to the children about it later?

NP: You are missing the point too because you are stuck on the fact that you happen to agree with SIL on this point. Flip it. What if SIL was feeding the kids candy for breakfast because that is their special vacation thing? Or telling them they were conserving water, so no baths or showers or teeth brushing for the whole vacation? Or that everyone must complete a math workbook before anyone can go to the beach each day? The point is that whatever SIL's rules are for her kids, not matter if you agree or disagree with SIL or OP, SIL doesn't get to make the rules for someone else's kids on her own.

I think most people agree with the idea that OP gets to determine what her kids do, but think she is wrong on how she is handling it. I wouldn’t support OP allowing her kids to have candy every morning for breakfast while SIL’s kids miserably eat bran cereal either. There should be compromise in shared spaces and stomping your feet shouting that they are MY KIDS MY RULES isn’t helping the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were at school and the teacher took the phone because it was distracting would you run to the school and demand it back?

OP sounds like exactly the kind of parent who would do that actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

I’m the poster you quoted— it’s the defensive tone of the OP that makes it clear she’s pretty insecure about the amount of screen time her kids are getting. If OP isn’t interested in the views of anyone here, no one forced her to post. The internet isn’t a good place to get validation for kids with bad manners and parents making bad parenting choices.

There is no problem with people expressing opposing views, and I agree that OP should be prepared for that. That is happening from the posters that defend SIL.

But that isn't what you did. Instead, you made a lot of assumptions about OP, her kids, how she feels about her family, and her motivations.

And whatever you think OPs motives are, unless you are the OP, are equally assumptions. But secure people comfortable in their choices aren’t popping on to DCUM to make “PSAs” and people who like their in laws have conversations about obvious things like this before going on trips together.

I didn't say anything about OP's motives and therefore made no assumptions.

And you continue to make assumptions, not just about OP but about DCUM posters in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they were at school and the teacher took the phone because it was distracting would you run to the school and demand it back?

OP sounds like exactly the kind of parent who would do that actually.

I don't get that impression at all, actually. Certainly the two situations (teacher removing phone as a distraction in a class vs. SIL simply imposing her rules on other people's children just b/c she doesn't like something) are VERY different.

[Anonymous]

Well, I do think it is rude when kids get together and some are just on their phone ignoring everyone else. My kids are too young for phones but when we've been with teen cousins who do this EVERYONE (aunts, uncles, cousins both older and younger) notices. Its been awkward when the parents of the kids hooked to their screens just shrug and say "yeah, we have no idea how to get them off their phones, we're sorry they're ignoring everyone, its really rude." So I guess if I noticed that happening a lot with kids around the age of my kids I'd probably tell all the kids ok, screens away, time to go to the water park. I don't do it now because 1) my kids aren't in that sage of life so I don't feel like I know enough to intervene, and 2) I'm busy keeping track of my own kids and helping keep that age group productively engaged with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

And the hypocrisy. She’s making the point that no one should tell parents what to do, and she is doing so by literally telling parents what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

And the hypocrisy. She’s making the point that no one should tell parents what to do, and she is doing so by literally telling parents what to do.

Yeah, that is not hypocrisy.

"Don't tell my kids what to do" is different from "don't tell other parents what to do."

[Anonymous]

Your kids screen time is probably affecting her kids behavior. We have one set of cousins with whom we no longer enjoy spending time because they are glued to their phone/iPads the entire time. My kids are not allowed much screen time but it’s impossible to keep them away from the screens when the cousins have them in their faces the entire time we visit. It takes a week to detox from the screens after spending time with that family. We love the kids and their parents but the parents use screens as a babysitter (immediately pull out phones at a restaurant, etc.). I honestly don’t know what the kids personalities are like because they don’t really interact with the family much. We definitely limit how much time we spend with them now, it’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they were at school and the teacher took the phone because it was distracting would you run to the school and demand it back?

OP sounds like exactly the kind of parent who would do that actually.

:roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

And the hypocrisy. She’s making the point that no one should tell parents what to do, and she is doing so by literally telling parents what to do.

OP here. Its not hypocritical. I don't impose my rules on her children, and she should not expect to impose her rules on my children. The same way that different parents have different rules on what must/may be eaten at meals, and when bedtime is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

And the hypocrisy. She’s making the point that no one should tell parents what to do, and she is doing so by literally telling parents what to do.

OP here. Its not hypocritical. I don't impose my rules on her children, and she should not expect to impose her rules on my children. The same way that different parents have different rules on what must/may be eaten at meals, and when bedtime is.

Are your kids' screens distracting her kids? If my kids were distracting their cousins and parents didn't want them exposed to screens, I would make my kids do their screens somewhere without the cousins. If my kids were being distracted, I would just tell them "2 hours screens per day and that includes watching Cousin play their screens."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

And the hypocrisy. She’s making the point that no one should tell parents what to do, and she is doing so by literally telling parents what to do.

OP here. Its not hypocritical. I don't impose my rules on her children, and she should not expect to impose her rules on my children. The same way that different parents have different rules on what must/may be eaten at meals, and when bedtime is.

Shut up. You can stuff your PSAs. Try being an adult and using your words to communicate directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say your not in her house op but if you were then yes her house her rules. Regarding screens, food, sleep, showers really everything is up to her in her house. If she tells you to give her your phone you hand it over .

This is the weirdest post on this thread. If you’re at someone’s house, you literally have to do everything they say? If an adult I’m staying with demands that I give them my phone, I’m not handing it over, period. You have gone off the rails with hosts’ rights here.

I thought we were talking about children, not other adults. Yes, children, including teens, should listen and do what the adults in their family say.

If you tell my teenager to give you her phone, she won’t and I will support that. She’s not your kid. You don’t get to dictate that, your house or not.

If you have something to say about my kid while she’s in your house, you come to me or her dad. Parent your own children and know when you’ve overstepped.

And that business about how sleep, food and showers are also at the hosts’ directive? No. This is BAD HOST behavior.

If my SIL or sister asked my kid for her phone and she didn’t hand it to them it would be big trouble. My child should assume close family members have the same ability to ‘parent’ as I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I do think it is rude when kids get together and some are just on their phone ignoring everyone else. My kids are too young for phones but when we've been with teen cousins who do this EVERYONE (aunts, uncles, cousins both older and younger) notices. Its been awkward when the parents of the kids hooked to their screens just shrug and say "yeah, we have no idea how to get them off their phones, we're sorry they're ignoring everyone, its really rude." So I guess if I noticed that happening a lot with kids around the age of my kids I'd probably tell all the kids ok, screens away, time to go to the water park. I don't do it now because 1) my kids aren't in that sage of life so I don't feel like I know enough to intervene, and 2) I'm busy keeping track of my own kids and helping keep that age group productively engaged with each other.

Get back to us when your kids are out of diapers.