You don’t get to police screen time of other people’s children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is out of line, but I’d be super pissed I’d say we had planned a fun family lake vacation together and you were just letting your kids watch screens the whole time instead of doing things sucking me kids in along with them. A couple kids on screens a ton can definitely change the whole dynamic and make it hard to get anyone to do anything. Just stay home and watch movies

+1. Sounds like OP’s kids are addicted. If they were normal, healthy teens they would be able to put the phone away most of the time and engage with the rest of the family on vacation. Why do you need a phone when you have real live people in front of you to go swimming with, play cards with, etc.?

Also, OP is calling her SIL a hypocrite for sometimes allowing screens, but not all screentime is equal. Cousins piling onto the couch to watch a movie after dinner is very different from cousins scrolling through Instagram and TikTok all afternoon because the immediate dopamine hit overcomes any desire to try another activity.

Where did OP say anything like that?

From the OP:

She is not anti screen all the time - just when SHE decides she wants no screens, which may not be when I decide.

My point is it’s not hypocritical to, say, allow cousins to watch a movie together while discouraging individual scrolling.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely Team OP. Don’t take anything that doesn’t belong to you. Come to me with your issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

She gets to make up the rules in her own house. You are free to leave.

How weirdly controlling and territorial? Do you pee on everyone and their personal items when they come in your front door?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is out of line, but I’d be super pissed I’d say we had planned a fun family lake vacation together and you were just letting your kids watch screens the whole time instead of doing things sucking me kids in along with them. A couple kids on screens a ton can definitely change the whole dynamic and make it hard to get anyone to do anything. Just stay home and watch movies

+1. Sounds like OP’s kids are addicted. If they were normal, healthy teens they would be able to put the phone away most of the time and engage with the rest of the family on vacation. Why do you need a phone when you have real live people in front of you to go swimming with, play cards with, etc.?

Also, OP is calling her SIL a hypocrite for sometimes allowing screens, but not all screentime is equal. Cousins piling onto the couch to watch a movie after dinner is very different from cousins scrolling through Instagram and TikTok all afternoon because the immediate dopamine hit overcomes any desire to try another activity.

Where did OP say anything like that?

From the OP:

She is not anti screen all the time - just when SHE decides she wants no screens, which may not be when I decide.

My point is it’s not hypocritical to, say, allow cousins to watch a movie together while discouraging individual scrolling.

I don't read that as calling SIL hypocritical. I read that as pointing out that SIL appears to be dictating when screens are allowed based on her own personal preference, expressed in the moment, with no consultation with anyone else...

(There is also no indication that a distinction was made by SIL regarding the activity that was occurring on the screens.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

She gets to make up the rules in her own house. You are free to leave.

How weirdly controlling and territorial? Do you pee on everyone and their personal items when they come in your front door?

Everyone has house rules especially when having groups of kids over. Silly to suggest otherwise. My own kids have attended sleepovers where the mom had a basket at the door for phones to go in for the duration of the visit. Not how I personally handle it but it’s not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

Two things can be true at the same time. OP is the parent - and she isn’t making the right call.

The “right call” is the call the children’s PARENTS choose to make.

False.

[Anonymous]

So many "her house, her rules" but the OP clarified on page 1 that they are NOT at the sisters house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

She gets to make up the rules in her own house. You are free to leave.

How weirdly controlling and territorial? Do you pee on everyone and their personal items when they come in your front door?

Everyone has house rules especially when having groups of kids over. Silly to suggest otherwise. My own kids have attended sleepovers where the mom had a basket at the door for phones to go in for the duration of the visit. Not how I personally handle it but it’s not uncommon.

that is weirdly controlling and territorial. Sorry. It is your house, but it is a weirdly controlling and territorial house. YOu sound like you could use a little more flexibility in your life so that you're not so uptight. Because . . . you are.

[Anonymous]

Eh. The right for my teen son to have the electronics he wants at the times we want is not a hill I would die on. I hate my SIL for other reasons, but if she told him to get off of it to go hang out with his cousin (a slightly younger teen), I would think nothing of it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your kids are pretty addicted. Did you hear about the girl overseas who burned dorm her dorm, killing children, because her phone was taken away? Now think about whether the level of your outrage is justified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your kids are pretty addicted. Did you hear about the girl overseas who burned dorm her dorm, killing children, because her phone was taken away? Now think about whether the level of your outrage is justified?

Based on what, aside from your own assumptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s neither volume nor content. She just randomly decides when the kids should “go do something else.” Not her call. Neutral location (neither of our homes but I don’t agree that’s relevant.) These are older kids who were definitely not misbehaving in any way, not 3 year olds.

And I did handle it directly. But just thought I’d throw it out there for any other would-be screen vigilantes. My kids phones have app limits and downtime. Whether or not she (or you) thinks I am a good parent is also irrelevant. Not her call. Even at her house (which we were not.)

Nope. She absolutely has the right to ban any darn thing she wants in HER house. You have a lot of nerve to insist otherwise. I ban screens during playdates at my house. If you come over, I expect you to actually spend time with the kid you are there to see. Don’t like it? Go be a screen zombie at someone else’s house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nope. She absolutely has the right to ban any darn thing she wants in HER house. You have a lot of nerve to insist otherwise. I ban screens during playdates at my house. If you come over, I expect you to actually spend time with the kid you are there to see. Don’t like it? Go be a screen zombie at someone else’s house!

Agree 100%.
Kids have to learn interpersonal social skills and being a screen zombie kills that

[Anonymous]

My house, my rules. I don’t want kids bringing phones/pads over and just playing on them the whole time they are at my house for a playdate. What’s the point of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My house, my rules. I don’t want kids bringing phones/pads over and just playing on them the whole time they are at my house for a playdate. What’s the point of that?

1. It is not SIL's house.
2. It is not a playdate.