You don’t get to police screen time of other people’s children

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's at her house, and the volume is out loud for everyone to hear, then yes she's allowed to decide screen time is over.

She's not, actually. If it's noise, they can use ear buds but SIL does not get to police my kid's screens. Full stop. And she'd be told that. If she'd rather us not stay with her next time, please just let us know and we'll make other arrangments to see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are missing the fact that your kids’ screen time is affecting the entire dynamic with the other kids in this shared space. SIL may not have handled herself well here, but I’m more on her side than yours, especially given the lack of reflection on your part in this thread. Family time involves interaction especially in common spaces of the house - sounds like your preteen and teen aren’t balancing that well and coming across as rude.

Based on what? Because the SIL made a decision that there was enough screen time? You have no basis for this statement other than OP saying that SIL not only deemed it time to stop screens but then went so far as to take them away!

Based on the fact that there is enough family conflict that SIL is reacting the way she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

Two things can be true at the same time. OP is the parent - and she isn’t making the right call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's at her house, and the volume is out loud for everyone to hear, then yes she's allowed to decide screen time is over.

She's not, actually. If it's noise, they can use ear buds but SIL does not get to police my kid's screens. Full stop. And she'd be told that. If she'd rather us not stay with her next time, please just let us know and we'll make other arrangments to see her.

If “she’s been told that” (spoiler alert: she hasn’t, because OP is a keyboard warrior but a wuss in real life) then why is this a thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is all. Spending time with relatives this weekend and so fed up with my SIL trying to dictate when all the kids can have screens and when they can’t. She even took all their devices and hid them at one point, and she made it really awkward when we basically had to demand them back. She is not anti screen all the time - just when SHE decides she wants no screens, which may not be when I decide.

Parent your own kids and not other people’s.

sorry you play by my rule when you are in my house. don't like it, door to your left.

What if no one is in your house, but you’re all in a shared vacation home? Still your way or the highway?

Because that’s OP’s situation. Not sure why people insist on responding without even reading the OP’s posts.

NP, and I read OP's posts, in which she repeatedly maintains that no one the right to police her kids' screen time even in their own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are off base. (not OP)

1. This was not SILs house- so "my house, my rules" does not apply.
2. This was not a "playdate". They are spending the entire long weekend together, so some time on screens does not mean they are never interacting.
3. This kids are tweens and teens, not preschool or elementary kids.
4. OP has limits and downtime controls on her kids phone, so she has set her own boundaries on screen time with the kids. And they were not on screens all the time if not for SIL's intervention.

SIL overstepped. OP confronted her directly. And she vented here.

Nope, sorry, you don’t have a leg to stand on. OP did not “vent here.” The thread title is not, “Vent: My SIL tries to police my kids’ screen time,” it is a screechy PSA that assumes the worst of each and every person that reads it. What is most hilarious is that OP is essentially trying to do what she claims is so wrong of SIL to do: she is policing the DCUM audience by telling them (grown adults) what to do when she doesn’t actually know how they handle family dynamics, she assumes that we are wronging people left, right, and center.

If OP had come at this as an actual vent, I would have been 100% on her side. But she didn’t. She rolled in here assuming the worst OF US and telling us what to do.

You don't appear to be objecting to or contradicting anything substantive about the issue or what actually happened. You are objecting only to the tone OP took in posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's at her house, and the volume is out loud for everyone to hear, then yes she's allowed to decide screen time is over.

She's not, actually. If it's noise, they can use ear buds but SIL does not get to police my kid's screens. Full stop. And she'd be told that. If she'd rather us not stay with her next time, please just let us know and we'll make other arrangments to see her.

If “she’s been told that” (spoiler alert: she hasn’t, because OP is a keyboard warrior but a wuss in real life) then why is this a thread?

Why are you ignoring OPs original statement that she did indeed have an "awkward" interaction with SIL and demanded the return of the phones?

It is a thread just like MANY threads here where people are venting and starting discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

I’m the poster you quoted— it’s the defensive tone of the OP that makes it clear she’s pretty insecure about the amount of screen time her kids are getting. If OP isn’t interested in the views of anyone here, no one forced her to post. The internet isn’t a good place to get validation for kids with bad manners and parents making bad parenting choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

I’m the poster you quoted— it’s the defensive tone of the OP that makes it clear she’s pretty insecure about the amount of screen time her kids are getting. If OP isn’t interested in the views of anyone here, no one forced her to post. The internet isn’t a good place to get validation for kids with bad manners and parents making bad parenting choices.

There is no problem with people expressing opposing views, and I agree that OP should be prepared for that. That is happening from the posters that defend SIL.

But that isn't what you did. Instead, you made a lot of assumptions about OP, her kids, how she feels about her family, and her motivations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if OP is making "bad" decisions regarding her kids' screen use, her SIL isn't entitled to step in and override her. All of you criticizing her for the screentime are missing the point.

OP here. This is exactly my point. You can think I am literally the worst parent, you still don’t override me regarding my children. Even in your own home (which again we were not.) You are free to stop inviting us or seeing us, but no my kids don’t have to eat their vegetables at your house to earn dessert or go to bed when you say (or whatever random rule you want to assert.)

Instead though of standing behind your SIL, realizing she’s wanting to spend time together without screens, you instead fought back against what she said. Did you do it in front of the children or did you just whine to the children about it later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t see the point in going on a long weekend with tweens glued to their screens, but I wouldn’t take their devices away. Why are you taking your kids on vacation when they’re sitting on their devices? You could just stay home. Is this a long game effort to get out of time with your husbands family? If so it’s probably working!

What makes you say that OP’s kids were “glued to their screens?” How do you know how much time they were or weren’t on their screens? Maybe it was just before dinner after a long day without them. Maybe it was in the morning before anyone was really up for a family activity. Who knows? OP does, and as their parent, they get to decide what’s appropriate for their own kids. Not SIL and not anyone here.

I’m the poster you quoted— it’s the defensive tone of the OP that makes it clear she’s pretty insecure about the amount of screen time her kids are getting. If OP isn’t interested in the views of anyone here, no one forced her to post. The internet isn’t a good place to get validation for kids with bad manners and parents making bad parenting choices.

There is no problem with people expressing opposing views, and I agree that OP should be prepared for that. That is happening from the posters that defend SIL.

But that isn't what you did. Instead, you made a lot of assumptions about OP, her kids, how she feels about her family, and her motivations.

And whatever you think OPs motives are, unless you are the OP, are equally assumptions. But secure people comfortable in their choices aren’t popping on to DCUM to make “PSAs” and people who like their in laws have conversations about obvious things like this before going on trips together.

[Anonymous]

If they were at school and the teacher took the phone because it was distracting would you run to the school and demand it back?