Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us have some sort of relationship we “miss out on” in life. I’ll only ever know a relationship with sons, but other friends will only know what it’s like to have daughters. Some get one of each but never get to witness the bond of same sex siblings. It’s the same with our own (or lack of) relationships with siblings. I feel so lucky to have both a brother and sister relationship, but I know some friends who wished they could have a sister. I try to always focus on how lucky I am to have my sons and that we have a great relationship. I’m sure a daughter would have been amazing, and I have no doubt there are some things I’ll miss out on that you just can’t have with sons, but I’m just incredible grateful for what I DO have.

I would love to just repeat this over and over. Thank you for posting something healthy. Read this, people! Read this!!!!

[Anonymous]

I have only boys and I am wistful about not having a daughter. My boys are great and we have a close bond. Still, I would have loved to have a daughter in the mix but of course not if I had to replace one of my boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys who are in high school. People STILL ASK if we are going to try for a girl (someone asked me last week!)

1. I am never going back to the full time baby stage regardless of gender.

2. DH and I are 50y old and we are tired.

3. DH would like to retire one day.

4. Boys are awesome. Well, mine are.

5. I see my friends who girls who are fraught with drama.

6. I have never felt like I was missing out on anything.

I believed you until #5. Leave that out and maybe your boys won't pick up on the fact that you think your sex is inferior.

Mom of all boys, and it is my mission as a parent to give society kids whose masculinity isn't toxic.

So basically the opposite of one of the early posters. I am sincerely grateful to feminism for teaching me that gender essentialism is an excuse for lazy parenting.

My kids are awesome. They'd go with me to a Taylor Swift concert if I wanted them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends are going with their tweens to Taylor Swift, making bracelets, etc. Such a bonding experience. It just hit me that I won't have that. I mean, I love my boys, but ... they like baseball, and I love their games and watch them, but it's not the same exactly, and sometimes I feel wistful!!

The grass is always greener. Why do you assume that if you had a daughter you would be bonding over TS and making jewelry? You could just as easily have a daughter who thinks TS is meh, bracelets are dorky, and baseball is way better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys who are in high school. People STILL ASK if we are going to try for a girl (someone asked me last week!)

1. I am never going back to the full time baby stage regardless of gender.

2. DH and I are 50y old and we are tired.

3. DH would like to retire one day.

4. Boys are awesome. Well, mine are.

5. I see my friends who girls who are fraught with drama.

6. I have never felt like I was missing out on anything.

I believed you until #5. Leave that out and maybe your boys won't pick up on the fact that you think your sex is inferior.

There really tends to be a lot more of that in all-girl families. It's not that girls are inferior. It's been noted on here many times that girls who have sisters (plural) are just more plugged into friendship drama in their lives-- either instigating it, egging it on, or getting victimized by it. And it's a lot for the parents to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys who are in high school. People STILL ASK if we are going to try for a girl (someone asked me last week!)

1. I am never going back to the full time baby stage regardless of gender.

2. DH and I are 50y old and we are tired.

3. DH would like to retire one day.

4. Boys are awesome. Well, mine are.

5. I see my friends who girls who are fraught with drama.

6. I have never felt like I was missing out on anything.

I believed you until #5. Leave that out and maybe your boys won't pick up on the fact that you think your sex is inferior.

+1. You sounded genuinely content until you got nasty, then it became clear you’re trying to cope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cried when I found out I was having a boy (thanks for making me believe boys suck, radical feminism!), but he's awesome.

Such a weird rude statement. Boys don't suck but misogyny and sexism does.

[Anonymous]

Boys bring plenty of their own drama. Don’t let anybody try to fool you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys who are in high school. People STILL ASK if we are going to try for a girl (someone asked me last week!)

1. I am never going back to the full time baby stage regardless of gender.

2. DH and I are 50y old and we are tired.

3. DH would like to retire one day.

4. Boys are awesome. Well, mine are.

5. I see my friends who girls who are fraught with drama.

6. I have never felt like I was missing out on anything.

I believed you until #5. Leave that out and maybe your boys won't pick up on the fact that you think your sex is inferior.

Mom of all boys, and it is my mission as a parent to give society kids whose masculinity isn't toxic.

So basically the opposite of one of the early posters. I am sincerely grateful to feminism for teaching me that gender essentialism is an excuse for lazy parenting.

My kids are awesome. They'd go with me to a Taylor Swift concert if I wanted them to.

You are one of the only posters on this thread who sounds genuinely happy. This is awesome - good work, you sound like a good mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes me sad is the matrilineal bond is so much stronger. Boys do what the wife's family wants, often, leaving the boy-grandmother out in the cold.

This is very true. Just think of all the complaints about in-laws on here, 99% of which are from wives, and that means they're not ever prioritizing that side of the family.

I never knew this was a thing when I was growing up. We spent most holidays with my dad’s side of the family. His family was bigger than my mom’s and they were more gregarious and fun. My dad’s parents would invite me to stay with them. They took me places and played games with me. My mom’s dad was an alcoholic until the last 8 years of his life. I really don’t have any fond memories of him. The fact that my mom loved my dad’s parents like they were her own made a big difference. My mom called her in-laws Mom and Dad and always said she had the best in-laws anyone could ask for.

It completely is dependent on the family. All of the SILs (brothers' wives) and grandkids MUCH prefer our side of the family than their own. My mom and dad are so much fun and so caring and holidays are a fun, hilarious time. Very tight-knit. My dad is the favorite grandparent for all the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have boys and I do things with them like baking or crafting (which I don’t actually enjoy).
I have many friends with both boys and girls and most moms seem to be very close to the daughters. There are mother/daughter trips, special outings etc. It seems that the default is moms doing things with the daughters and dads doing things with the boys.
If they have all girls, the dynamic is different.

I’m usually taking my sons to games and practices more than my husband since they play the sane sport I played which was a family sport in my house growing up and my dad often comes too.

My kids are teens but we still do something as a family- husband, me and sons every weekend- go out to dinner or brunch or Topgolf or a hike and they are 15 and 17 now. Lots of family bonding.

+1 My sons and I always did more together just given my flexible work schedule and my husband's crazy one. And, the four of us always did stuff together. I am very athletic and played in college--so I can hang with them in the sports and outdoor activity area. My sons go to all-boys High School and the moms are very involved.

I also spent more time with my dad than my mom growing up. We were more alike. He coached my travel team and I ended up in the same STEM career and even worked down the hall from him my first few years of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys who are in high school. People STILL ASK if we are going to try for a girl (someone asked me last week!)

1. I am never going back to the full time baby stage regardless of gender.

2. DH and I are 50y old and we are tired.

3. DH would like to retire one day.

4. Boys are awesome. Well, mine are.

5. I see my friends who girls who are fraught with drama.

6. I have never felt like I was missing out on anything.

I believed you until #5. Leave that out and maybe your boys won't pick up on the fact that you think your sex is inferior.

Mom of all boys, and it is my mission as a parent to give society kids whose masculinity isn't toxic.

So basically the opposite of one of the early posters. I am sincerely grateful to feminism for teaching me that gender essentialism is an excuse for lazy parenting.

My kids are awesome. They'd go with me to a Taylor Swift concert if I wanted them to.

I love this. I have both genders and this is really something I work on / aspire to as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?