Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Day to day - no regrets.

Long term - yes. In all but 2 families I've ever known, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Even true in my extended family where everyone gets along well with their DILs. It's just that men tend to move closer to their wives' parents, if that's what the wives want - many wives want that - and bam you have grandparents that are day to day involved (or at least weekly) and of course the kids will be closer. This is even true where the son is great about making plans about seeing his side, doesn't leave it all to his wife; there simply isn't a replacement for being the parents that are local and involved.

The 2 families where the couple/kids are closer to the husband's parents - one is of a culture where they do generational living and his parents decided they were moving in, he was never going to say no to his parents, and his wife didn't like it but being of that culture she knew his parents came before HER. It's a sad situation, we're not of that culture, and it's not a situation we'd want with our sons anyway.

The other family - both sides are local but the couple quickly realized that HIS parents were young retirees and more available to chase the children, whereas her parents were still working and thus weren't just randomly available for preschool pickup or whatever. So the couple quickly got closer with his mom and dad for the help they'd provide, the kids grew close to them, and now his parents are the A grandparents.

In all other families I know, it's about the wife's side. And given what I've seen of our DS' few early relationships and how they are invested in being the nice guys we raised them to be, they are quick to put their GFs' wants over theirs - so even now if the GF wants to spend time at her family's house this weekend, they do that. Right now we can tell them - nope sorry we expect you home with us for x, but we obviously understand we won't be doing that with grown men once they're out of their teens and in serious relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys bring plenty of their own drama. Don’t let anybody try to fool you.

Yeah I don't understand how everyone has non dramatic boys. Maybe that was the case in the 80s-90s where boys wouldn't talk about their issues/problems at homes bc men were taught to bottle it up. But now with men being raised to be more emotionally in touch with their feelings, yeah they have drama.

[Anonymous]

Not in the slightest... I would have loved a daughter if I had one, but three boys and I am 100000% happy and not wistful for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?

This has nothing to do with them being boys. This is who they are. Thinking that their gender is the reason is so archaic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in the slightest... I would have loved a daughter if I had one, but three boys and I am 100000% happy and not wistful for anything.

I'm happy for you. You seem genuine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?

This has nothing to do with them being boys. This is who they are. Thinking that their gender is the reason is so archaic.

Look at my earlier post where I put, in parentheses, "at least my particular boys". I'm completely aware that they are who they are and that a girl might be similar. That said, I don't necessarily know that she would. THUS, I'M NOT WISTFUL.
But, please, tell me how my thoughts regarding this are naive, dismissive, and a disservice to my boys. I'm awaiting a true and meaningful response.

[Anonymous]

I am a stepmom to teen boys. If I was a mom, I'd want girls. As a stepmom, I think I am lucky to have boys, because I think opposite gender step-parenting is less fraught.

But watching my stepkids grow up....it's true boys can be much easier. But I don't think that is because boys are easier. I think it is because society makes it so much harder to be a girl. So much of what affects girls just doesn't affect boys as much. Dress codes, birth control, getting pregnant, dressing well, having perfect hair, etc. There is just SO much we DONT have to worry about because they are boys. That does not mean THEY are easier.

Also, I think parents often hold boys to lower standards. So sure, if you have girls, you might fight more with the girls. But what are you fighting about? Washing the dishes? Well, if they were boys, you might just roll your eyes and wash the dishes for them. Curfew? Well, if they were boys, you might not care if they came home late, because you aren't as concerned for their safety. Dress code? The boys aren't wearing short skirts and tank tops to school tyipcally so it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Mostly because of how true the “a son is a son until he takes a wife” trope is. I know a few moms with (just) grown sons and asked how they stay close to them as adults. Both answers were basically …try to stay on DIL’s good side, and we are able to help them out with money and things like that. Which was really depressing to hear, although I guess effective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the daughter to parents who were so glad to have their boy and their girl. Except I wasn't stereotypically girly or feminine at all and I wasn't in any way the girl they had wanted. Thankfully they had another child who was a girl and who was the little girl they wanted - she likes bows in her hair and crafts and pretty things and dresses and dolls and pink.

I was their nightmare! A much harder child than their son and not at all meeting their expectations for a daughter! I am sure they would have returned me if that was an option!

My mom always wanted a daughter. Instead she got a trans daughter. I had a lot of hope that our relationship would be better once I transitioned. Instead our already poor relationship turned into estrangement since she couldn't accept me. She didn't want a trans daughter. She wanted a cis girl.

I'm sure your mother loves you and it's not conditional on your gender. Your mother probably fears that you've brought a lot of unnecessary strife on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys bring plenty of their own drama. Don’t let anybody try to fool you.

Nobody could do drama better than my big brother.

[Anonymous]

Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Not for a second.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add, I have a friend who works in healthcare. She said both times she was pregnant she would have older patients ask about what she was having and then proceed to put down girls for how hard and difficult they are. All of whom said this while they were being visited and doted on by their daughters. Women are raised from birth to think of others first and themselves second and they are never good enough. Sad. Obviously daughters are not as awful as people insist when they commonly still bust their butts taking care of parents who view them as having less value than if they were a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Also since when are men exempt from child support because they were a teen father? They all turn into adults eventually and will get jobs. I wonder if these women will still be smug when their sons call them up complaining how they can’t save for a down payment or make their student loan payments because of child support payments. They are no joke and I know men who really struggle financially because of how costly payments can be.