How much of your daily life revolves around your kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Scheduling revolves around the daycare schedule quite a bit. And daycare pickup -- bedtime revolves around kid almost daily. But otherwise not much. Only child life is bliss

Only child in daycare…. Wait until elementary and middle school

Yup. Parent of an only here. School demands WAY more of parents than daycare does. Also offers less. It doesn't seem that bad before you're in it, but dealing with all the random and extra childcare you need once your kid is in school is annoying. Even for just one kid. Random days off, holidays, breaks, summer break... you are pretty much constantly having to figure it out. Plus once your child is old enough to form actual friendships and have opinions that are more significant than "yay dinosaurs" or "broccoli yuck", the emotional labor involved in parenting is much harder. Plus you have to navigate them wanting/needing more independence with the fact that they are also encountering much more complex situations than before.

Don't get me wrong, having an only is still easier than having multiple, I think. But those early years where you just drop them off at daycare and then pick them up are cake compared to the elementary and middle school grind. It's so different.

Only in elementary here and I agree with all of this. The demands feel unrelenting at time because there's just always something coming from school + homework + activities + neverending laundry, dishes etc. Feels like so much more than pre K years.

I'm not really sure an only is easier at this age, because the only playmates at home are mom and dad. It's tough to get things done and keep the kid occupied. But I do think only was much easier in the younger years and will be again when they are older.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:SAHM, but pretty much all. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping during the day, and homework in the afternoons then we are often at games or practices until 9:30 at night.

BS. You are not spending SIX HOURS every day cooking cleaning and laundry while kids are in school.

You certainly have leisure time in there, maybe yoga class or gym time?

Depends on what you’re cooking and if you’re cooking from scratch. Same with cleaning—depends on what you’re cleaning and how thoroughly you’re doing it. Maybe not 6 hours each day M-F, but yeah, some days are very busy.

Sure if you are a Julia child wannabe, but we cook every meal from scratch and keep a tidy home and work full time.

Maybe PP has OCD and is like scrubbing floorboards with toothbrush all day, but most SAHM with school age kids have a LOT of autonomy and potential leisure time.

So you’re mocking one of the most celebrated female chefs in history and putting down her art to knock a SAHM. You sound resentful.

I have very very minimal leisure time as a sahm to an elementary kid. Several hours a day to undo the mess, at least an hour or two of home management (handling renovations, repairs, condo trust, purchases for the home etc), and also meal planning and grocery, making appointments, planning and booking travel, planning and booking events and activities for the family, running errands like bank and drycleaners, replying to emails from everything school and home related. I'm honestly busier than when I was working full time from home with a kid in preK.

I know most working moms are doing the same tasks. I used to do them during work hours. The admin of running a household takes up so much more time than you realize

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Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

Not going to provide any more detail here. I wasn't meaning to look down my nose at anyone, though. Just saying that there can be more than one version of parenting and it doesn't have to be as intensive as people in DC tend to make it

Says the parent of one toddler or preschooler with family help, real estate investments, and a job not even working 40 hours a week. You sound like my trust fund baby neighbor who smokes a lot of weed and doesn’t understand why people can’t just be more chill.

You are absolutely judging people.

Why be so angry at this PP? They are sharing their own experience - clearly if you have more kids (which is a choice) or busier jobs, it may not directly apply to you. It's just a perspective from one person who has been clear about some advantages they have.

That PP actually sounds a bit like our family, except with addition of 2nd kid it's gotten crazy again.

The PP made this statement that I think is toxic for women in particular: “Parents should have full, enriching lives outside of their children regardless of the age of the child.”

And then went on to say that if people aren’t accomplishing this, it’s their own fault for over scheduling their kids. This is just the same, toxic “you can have it all!” BS that some of us have been fight for years. Only worse, because it’s not just that you should be a great mom and kicking butt in a full time job, but now if you aren’t ALSO successfully maintaining all your friendships, working out, pushing a hobby, getting in some solo travel, and enjoying regular “me time,” well obviously this is your own fault for enrolling your child in swim lessons AND soccer (never mind that the pediatrician harasses you about making sure your kid learns to swim yesterday and your kid begged for soccer).

Acting like this is accessible to most people and that if you don’t have it, you messed up somewhere is obnoxious. I’d be happy for the PP if she’d framed this as “I’ve been lucky to do this,” but I stead she took this scolding tone of “oh anyone can do this if you try.” Seriously: f*** right off.

Oh, chill. You are just jealous. Rich women worked hard at school and college and married well-off men too. They are reaping the rewards now.

No, “just jealous” is being mad someone has something you don’t. I’m not mad about that.

I’m annoyed when people give advice to other people by pretending they are “just folks” when in reality they are wealthy. If you are wealthy, own it. “I have lots of free time and it’s great, I recommend it.” Cool, that sounds awesome.

PP is going out if her way to claim she is NOT wealthy but somehow has this weird job where she barely works (but it’s very fulfilling) can travel extensively with her family and also solo and sans kid, has a short commute, spouse who works a 9-5, AND has no help other than once a month babysitting from family and the occasional date night sitter.

And then she is claiming that if you don’t have this, it’s because you signed your kids up for too many activities.

If she’s rich (I’m betting she is, the math does not add up), just say that! Don’t assert that every one should be like you or you’ve figured some trick ou about parenting when in reality you have privileges very few people have.

I think a lot of this is answered by saying they spent less on their house than some ppl and also have a good commute bc that was priority over schools. Plus 1 kids is less expensive than multiple. You don't have to be rich.

Solo travel easier too - not as hard for a spouse to watch one kid

Obviously ppl can make different decisions and yes more kids means less independence for the parents.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

Not going to provide any more detail here. I wasn't meaning to look down my nose at anyone, though. Just saying that there can be more than one version of parenting and it doesn't have to be as intensive as people in DC tend to make it

Says the parent of one toddler or preschooler with family help, real estate investments, and a job not even working 40 hours a week. You sound like my trust fund baby neighbor who smokes a lot of weed and doesn’t understand why people can’t just be more chill.

You are absolutely judging people.

Why be so angry at this PP? They are sharing their own experience - clearly if you have more kids (which is a choice) or busier jobs, it may not directly apply to you. It's just a perspective from one person who has been clear about some advantages they have.

That PP actually sounds a bit like our family, except with addition of 2nd kid it's gotten crazy again.

The PP made this statement that I think is toxic for women in particular: “Parents should have full, enriching lives outside of their children regardless of the age of the child.”

And then went on to say that if people aren’t accomplishing this, it’s their own fault for over scheduling their kids. This is just the same, toxic “you can have it all!” BS that some of us have been fight for years. Only worse, because it’s not just that you should be a great mom and kicking butt in a full time job, but now if you aren’t ALSO successfully maintaining all your friendships, working out, pushing a hobby, getting in some solo travel, and enjoying regular “me time,” well obviously this is your own fault for enrolling your child in swim lessons AND soccer (never mind that the pediatrician harasses you about making sure your kid learns to swim yesterday and your kid begged for soccer).

Acting like this is accessible to most people and that if you don’t have it, you messed up somewhere is obnoxious. I’d be happy for the PP if she’d framed this as “I’ve been lucky to do this,” but I stead she took this scolding tone of “oh anyone can do this if you try.” Seriously: f*** right off.

Oh, chill. You are just jealous. Rich women worked hard at school and college and married well-off men too. They are reaping the rewards now.

No, “just jealous” is being mad someone has something you don’t. I’m not mad about that.

I’m annoyed when people give advice to other people by pretending they are “just folks” when in reality they are wealthy. If you are wealthy, own it. “I have lots of free time and it’s great, I recommend it.” Cool, that sounds awesome.

PP is going out if her way to claim she is NOT wealthy but somehow has this weird job where she barely works (but it’s very fulfilling) can travel extensively with her family and also solo and sans kid, has a short commute, spouse who works a 9-5, AND has no help other than once a month babysitting from family and the occasional date night sitter.

And then she is claiming that if you don’t have this, it’s because you signed your kids up for too many activities.

If she’s rich (I’m betting she is, the math does not add up), just say that! Don’t assert that every one should be like you or you’ve figured some trick ou about parenting when in reality you have privileges very few people have.

I think a lot of this is answered by saying they spent less on their house than some ppl and also have a good commute bc that was priority over schools. Plus 1 kids is less expensive than multiple. You don't have to be rich.

Solo travel easier too - not as hard for a spouse to watch one kid

Obviously ppl can make different decisions and yes more kids means less independence for the parents.

PP here. To the DP who was annoyed by my response, I probably could have worded my initial statement better. "Parents *should have the opportunity to* have an enriching life aside from kids." There. THat is more what I meant.

Yes, I think having less house was a big part of it.

We make mid 200s and historically made much lower. Fortunate by normal people standards but not "rich" per DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

I have a senior in HS and once he goes to college, I'll get most of my life back. It helps if you are rich and can buy your teens a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - hahaha well this doesn't give me much hope for the next 10-15 years of my life! I love my kids dearly but good lord I am exhausted. It doesn't help that DH works a very very demanding job and is often unavailable to help during the week. On the weekends he does prioritize being there to help shuttle kids between sporting events and other activities but during the week days its all on me. Thankfully my job is very flexible (and still pays pretty well) so I can do most of the drop offs and pick ups and answer emails from my phone sort of thing.

You have three kids and there are only two of you and you both work. What did you expect? Seriously.

[Anonymous]

If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:SAHM, but pretty much all. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping during the day, and homework in the afternoons then we are often at games or practices until 9:30 at night.

BS. You are not spending SIX HOURS every day cooking cleaning and laundry while kids are in school.

You certainly have leisure time in there, maybe yoga class or gym time?

DP here. You hit the nail on the head, pp!

Yes, most SAHMs have a great life especially in DMV. Usually they are in UMC or wealthy houeholds and their paychecks are not needed for a good lifestyle. They can outsource a lot of stuff and create time for leisure and opportunities for their families.

I am a SAHM with twice a week cleaning help. My DH also helps at home with cooking and anything that needs doing, though he is happy that I am able to outsource most chores and he and kids return to a smooth running and stressfree home. A lot of my time when kids are in school, goes in research and prep to accelerate and expand my kids educational and EC opportunities. Everything gets done with an eye towards their mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. The research, planning and execution takes up quite a bit of my time.

we also have a very busy social life and entertain a lot. It helps to socialize my kids so that they are surrounded by family, friends neighbors etc and they learn how to host and form connections. Our focus is on family time and I make sure that most of the household chores and errands are done before the kids come home. we get leisure time as a family. I am not seeking solo leisure time.

So which educational and extracurricular activities are your kids signed up for? Just curious if I was able to do they same thing for my kids, which also having a full time job.

I am not that pp but also a SAHM who spends a lot of time planning for my kids’ educational and extracurricular activities. My kids are very well rounded. I have boys and a girl with a large age gap. Over the years, they have done soccer (rec and travel), cub scouts and Girl Scouts, swim team, tennnis, basketball, volleyball, baseball, pickleball, chess, coding, robotics, science Olympiad, piano, violin, band, guitar, nature classes, engineering, art, digital art, model UN, debate, you name it, my kids have probably done it. Some things they have only done for one seasons. Others for years. My two older kids compete in their sports at a high level.

My kids are happy and healthy. They have a lot of friends. All 3 kids have solid friend groups and sign up for activities together and often become close to their teammates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both).

We definitely know some parents who seem to put themselves first.

I think parents with onlies can not lose themselves to their children since parents can tag team easier.

When we only had one child, Dh and I had plenty of time to do what we did pre kids. Now we have 3 kids. Very little time to just relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both).

I'll take both for 200, Alex

[Anonymous]

All of it…until a year ago, when I found a sport I enjoyed outside of the house. We joined a club, and now my husband is in charge of the kids 3x a week and I play said sport for 2 hours. It has done wonders for me and my relationship with my whole family. Sure, I had friends I would text and do girls outings with occassionally, but having a set thing I do several times a week at a time that is not 4:30 AM on my Peloton has been life changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both).

+1

I think some of this is semantics, though. When I read "full, enriching life outside of kids," what that means to me is that you have other things in your life that are as rewarding and time consuming as parenting. That seems impossible, since parenting is both unbelievably time consuming (even with one kid, even with help, even with money) and I have found there are very few things in life as gratifying and rewarding on a profound level. Like yeah, I read books and have friends and have a couple hobbies, but do these things provide me with a deep sense of meaning and purpose the way parenting does? No.

So yes, I'm on board with parents having an identity outside of their kids. For themselves and for their kids, actually -- I think it's good for kids to see their parents living rich lives and taking care of themselves and also to not always be the center of their parents' attention at all times. But the idea of a "full" life outside your kids, assuming your kids are under age 15 or so, seems like an extremely high bar that would necessarily mean neglecting parenting to some degree.

I have a very good life and I think balanced life, but if my kid was suddenly missing from it, the sense of loss would be complete. Nothing I do matters as much to me. I know one day I will need to fill my life in a different way and I want to remember that, but for this season of life, my kid sits squarely on the front burner and that's where my focus is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of it…until a year ago, when I found a sport I enjoyed outside of the house. We joined a club, and now my husband is in charge of the kids 3x a week and I play said sport for 2 hours. It has done wonders for me and my relationship with my whole family. Sure, I had friends I would text and do girls outings with occassionally, but having a set thing I do several times a week at a time that is not 4:30 AM on my Peloton has been life changing.

What is the sport? Looking for ideas.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both).

+1

I think some of this is semantics, though. When I read "full, enriching life outside of kids," what that means to me is that you have other things in your life that are as rewarding and time consuming as parenting. That seems impossible, since parenting is both unbelievably time consuming (even with one kid, even with help, even with money) and I have found there are very few things in life as gratifying and rewarding on a profound level. Like yeah, I read books and have friends and have a couple hobbies, but do these things provide me with a deep sense of meaning and purpose the way parenting does? No.

So yes, I'm on board with parents having an identity outside of their kids. For themselves and for their kids, actually -- I think it's good for kids to see their parents living rich lives and taking care of themselves and also to not always be the center of their parents' attention at all times. But the idea of a "full" life outside your kids, assuming your kids are under age 15 or so, seems like an extremely high bar that would necessarily mean neglecting parenting to some degree.

I have a very good life and I think balanced life, but if my kid was suddenly missing from it, the sense of loss would be complete. Nothing I do matters as much to me. I know one day I will need to fill my life in a different way and I want to remember that, but for this season of life, my kid sits squarely on the front burner and that's where my focus is.

"Full, enriching life" PP here -- yes, I think my phrasing has been misunderstood a bit. I, too, would be devastated if I didn't have my DC. I mostly meant "identity outside of kids", though perhaps I place relatively more weight on things like hobbies and free time and romantic time than others in this thread have described.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All of it…until a year ago, when I found a sport I enjoyed outside of the house. We joined a club, and now my husband is in charge of the kids 3x a week and I play said sport for 2 hours. It has done wonders for me and my relationship with my whole family. Sure, I had friends I would text and do girls outings with occassionally, but having a set thing I do several times a week at a time that is not 4:30 AM on my Peloton has been life changing.

What is the sport? Looking for ideas.

It's not golf if it's only 2 hours. Lol