How much of your daily life revolves around your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A fraction. I finish work at 5, and the kids are in bed at 8. Then we're together for a little under an hour in the mornings.

Do you work from home? What about your DH? How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM, but pretty much all. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping during the day, and homework in the afternoons then we are often at games or practices until 9:30 at night.

BS. You are not spending SIX HOURS every day cooking cleaning and laundry while kids are in school.

You certainly have leisure time in there, maybe yoga class or gym time?

Depends on what you’re cooking and if you’re cooking from scratch. Same with cleaning—depends on what you’re cleaning and how thoroughly you’re doing it. Maybe not 6 hours each day M-F, but yeah, some days are very busy.

Sure if you are a Julia child wannabe, but we cook every meal from scratch and keep a tidy home and work full time.

Maybe PP has OCD and is like scrubbing floorboards with toothbrush all day, but most SAHM with school age kids have a LOT of autonomy and potential leisure time.

So you’re mocking one of the most celebrated female chefs in history and putting down her art to knock a SAHM. You sound resentful.

[Anonymous]

Almost all. But it's the kinda thing that will take over what space you give it. I plan an outing with girlfriends every two weeks of so and everyone survives. We could also do date night, but I don't like my husband enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

[Anonymous]

When kids were younger, life evolved around them but we had more control. Yes, all weekend we were with our children, but we set the schedule, picked the outings, were free to travel. Same with mornings and afternoons/evenings.

Now that kids are older, on one hand we have more freedom to do things solo (it’s much easier to find time to exercise for example or not feel bad about leaving DH to deal with the evening so I can go out with friends) but our life is heavily dictated by their needs and activities, driving places, not being able to go away for the weekend because Bobby has a tournament and Billy has the three other commitments, oh, and we need to figure out how to get him to practice at 4pm on a workday, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A fraction. I finish work at 5, and the kids are in bed at 8. Then we're together for a little under an hour in the mornings.

You misunderstand the question. When I say “almost all” of my life revolves around my kids, I don’t mean I’m with them 24/7. I mean my life is structured with them in mind. My work schedule is to some extent dictated by kids (did you leave work early enough to pick up children at 5pm pre-kids)? My morning wake time is based on kid schedules. My weekends revolve around kids, as do all vacations. And even when I’m away from my kids, I am taking them into consideration in a way I have never taken my parents, spouse, siblings, or friends. Whether that’s using my lunch hour to shop for new sneakers for my DD or half wondering if we need to worry about our kindergartener’s social skills heading into 1st while on a work call.

The time I actually spend WITH my kids is usually leisure time, so that’s really not what I mean when I say my life revolves around my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

Not going to provide any more detail here. I wasn't meaning to look down my nose at anyone, though. Just saying that there can be more than one version of parenting and it doesn't have to be as intensive as people in DC tend to make it

[Anonymous]

Another parent of older teens. I think the activities get worse instead of better. It does help if/when their sports or other activities are centered around school.
In HS they leave at 7:30 and don’t get how until dinner time during their sports season.
Helps tremendously when they start to drive.

Honestly, it was easier when they needed your time and attention. Now, while they don’t need my constant supervision, I worry constantly. I remember someone saying to me. “little kids, little problems, big kids big problems”.

I am now, three years away from an empty house. I am very conflicted by that. Right now, like PP above, I happily make adjustments to make more time together. Their focus has shifted to their peers, as it should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

Not going to provide any more detail here. I wasn't meaning to look down my nose at anyone, though. Just saying that there can be more than one version of parenting and it doesn't have to be as intensive as people in DC tend to make it

Says the parent of one toddler or preschooler with family help, real estate investments, and a job not even working 40 hours a week. You sound like my trust fund baby neighbor who smokes a lot of weed and doesn’t understand why people can’t just be more chill.

You are absolutely judging people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules. I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again? To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week. But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.

Do you have family help? How are you managing both solo travel and family travel? Your job sounds super flexible and chill, what is your DH’s job like? Do you live in the DMV, and if so, how do you make ends meet while working a job like this? Like how are you traveling without your kid, some solo travel, plus family trips?

It sounds like you are skipping over some money/childcare logistics that I’m betting are specific to you and not very universal.

It just sounds like you’ve worked out an unusually amount of flexibility in your schedule that isn’t realistic for most people.

Not a ton of family help but enough to make a difference. 1x a month weekend babysitting etc.
DH job is solid and consistent 40h a week, so we both have a good work situation
We live close to everything in our life so commutes are short.
Yes we live in the DMV. We saved prudently for years and invested wisely in real estate. No family money on either side. The more you travel the more you accumulate points and stuff that makes travel easier.

No secret catch. I just choose to prioritize certain things and de-prioritize others that seem really important to people around here (big house in the best school district, multiple cars, lots of paid activities for kids)

You are glossing over a lot, sorry. Two easy jobs, no overtime, short commutes, real estate “investments”… prudent savings from what income? You both work standard 40 hour a week jobs (it sounds like you often work less than 40 honestly), but you close enough in for short commutes? If not family, where does your money come from?

It doesn’t add up. Yet you are convinced other parents are stressed because they enroll their kids in too many activities. How old is your kid?

It sounds like you are wealthy or come from money, got lucky with work a bit, have one kid under age 5, have family help, AND look down your nose at families who struggle more than you do. But most of us have real jobs, no help, older kids. The difference between you and others is not a travel rewards card and the decision not to but your 4 yr old in Saturday soccer.

Not going to provide any more detail here. I wasn't meaning to look down my nose at anyone, though. Just saying that there can be more than one version of parenting and it doesn't have to be as intensive as people in DC tend to make it

Says the parent of one toddler or preschooler with family help, real estate investments, and a job not even working 40 hours a week. You sound like my trust fund baby neighbor who smokes a lot of weed and doesn’t understand why people can’t just be more chill.

You are absolutely judging people.

Okay, sorry I rubbed you the wrong way; I didn't mean to offend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will get worse. We have activities around the clock. They are 11 and 13. You will get sucked in... so brace yourself.

This is a choice!

Not all of us make this choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 13, 10, and 7 - and other posters are correct, especially if you have kids involved in extracurriculars!

There's so much driving around, but also making sure they're on top of homework, have stuff they need, etc (and watching all the activities!)

That said, my 13 year old has all of a sudden become so much more responsible/mature, which has helped a ton.

BUt yep - just buckle up and try to enjoy this time! I already feel like things are slipping away from me.

At those ages if you're still checking homework, you've failed to teach your kids responsibility and accountability, which is your role as a parent. My kids are the same ages and the only one that I make sure she has "stuff she needs" is the 7 yo. The others are responsible for themselves. If they need something for school or birthday party, etc they order it online. They have their own bank cards and allowances for this. We've been teaching them fiscal responsibility since birth. The 7 yo is not quite there yet.

PP you've made your bed by not giving your kids the knowledge and freedom to do for themselves, not to mention letting them make mistakes when the stakes are low. Your job is now harder and your kids are less prepared than mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will get worse. We have activities around the clock. They are 11 and 13. You will get sucked in... so brace yourself.

This is a choice!

Not all of us make this choice.

DP - sort of. My kids don’t do elite travel sports or dance or gymnastics - that is a choice. However just being involved with their respective school teams and clubs is extremely time consuming. If you have extroverted teenagers, it’s not really a “choice” unless you want to confine them to the house. You are really going to tell your teen they can’t do the school play if they want to? If so, that’s sad.