Are affairs with Au Pairs common?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Young attractive women mostly have no interest in middle aged men.

Tell yourself whatever you need to so you can sleep at night, but life is more nuanced than that. Young or old, most women are looking for a man who is stable and a good provider, especially in this economy with a recession looming. If the married dad still looks pretty good, is affable and wealthy, his age and marital status will be ignored.

Frankly, if you bring a young, gorgeous woman into your home and put her in front of your husband multiple days per week... you're playing with fire. Most husbands love their wives and aren't inclined to cheat, but human beings are flawed.

Most are smart enough to know that the married man provides for his family not them. Bang a well off guy just may mean a few nice dinners or a gift or two, but unless the au pair pulls the goalie, it doesn't mean financial security

“Pulling the goalie” doesn’t mean financial security when the dad can have her deported. Good luck proving paternity from home country, and good luck re-matching and staying in the U.S. if the dad says you’re unsafe with kids/on drugs. Dads in the au pair program are extremely creepy and the power dynamic is a catastrophe.

We don't deport pregnant women who are the victims of sexual assault. A smart au pair would make that claim if dad tried to have her deported

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband ]in exchange for a drama filled relationship

Which fantasy world are you living in, though? Nearly 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, many (most) of them will end dramatically and likely due to a third party. You talk as if married men simply don't want to the inconvenience of a divorce, so it never happens. Clearly, it happens, and often.

Anonymous wrote: with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

Lie. A man will do anything, end any relationship, for a woman he thinks is the hottest around, if she agrees to be with him. But hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, lady. Also, the nanny "functions as a child in their home"? You hired a child to watch your other children? You sound a bit weird and delusional.

I’m not being defensive here. We are no longer in the program for various reasons, mostly that we moved somewhere that childcare is less expensive, and it wasn’t worth the expense and hassle of hosting an au pair. I’m just sharing my experience.
You sound like you have never hosted an au pair. It’s not like having a professional nanny. They literally refer to us as their host mom and host dad, ask for money all of the time, take your car, eat your food, and generally need a boatload of help navigating life in a foreign country. The ones I have hosted also tend to spend a lot of time binge watching reality television, are on their phone too much, gossip a lot with groups of girlfriends, and are gross sometimes.
Teenage girls are hot from afar, but much less so when you live with them.
I could see a single dad who is lonely falling for an au pair, partly because I could imagine a young woman stepping into a wife kind of role in that circumstance. (although I can’t imagine it actually working out. How does someone transition from being your employee to your equal partner? Particularly when they are so dependent on you?)
I can kind of imagine being a young woman who thought the dad was hot.
I can’t imagine your typical, reasonably happy, married UMC dude wanting to get into a relationship with the au pair.

Except you are missing something here...Your typical married UMC dude in the stage of life with young children, even if "reasonably happy" IS probably lonely, wants adoration, and wants more sex.

That’s just the sexless people posting here. Most married people are having sex, even after kids.

You would also have to be pretty delusional to believe that having an affair with a teenage girl living in your home is going to somehow gain you more sex and admiration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband ]in exchange for a drama filled relationship

Which fantasy world are you living in, though? Nearly 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, many (most) of them will end dramatically and likely due to a third party. You talk as if married men simply don't want to the inconvenience of a divorce, so it never happens. Clearly, it happens, and often.

Anonymous wrote: with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

Lie. A man will do anything, end any relationship, for a woman he thinks is the hottest around, if she agrees to be with him. But hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, lady. Also, the nanny "functions as a child in their home"? You hired a child to watch your other children? You sound a bit weird and delusional.

I’m not being defensive here. We are no longer in the program for various reasons, mostly that we moved somewhere that childcare is less expensive, and it wasn’t worth the expense and hassle of hosting an au pair. I’m just sharing my experience.
You sound like you have never hosted an au pair. It’s not like having a professional nanny. They literally refer to us as their host mom and host dad, ask for money all of the time, take your car, eat your food, and generally need a boatload of help navigating life in a foreign country. The ones I have hosted also tend to spend a lot of time binge watching reality television, are on their phone too much, gossip a lot with groups of girlfriends, and are gross sometimes.
Teenage girls are hot from afar, but much less so when you live with them.
I could see a single dad who is lonely falling for an au pair, partly because I could imagine a young woman stepping into a wife kind of role in that circumstance. (although I can’t imagine it actually working out. How does someone transition from being your employee to your equal partner? Particularly when they are so dependent on you?)
I can kind of imagine being a young woman who thought the dad was hot.
I can’t imagine your typical, reasonably happy, married UMC dude wanting to get into a relationship with the au pair.

Except you are missing something here...Your typical married UMC dude in the stage of life with young children, even if "reasonably happy" IS probably lonely, wants adoration, and wants more sex.

+1. There is a risk and it's unwise to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have another attractive woman working on my house. Why even create a temptation?

I feel like the less attractive women are a bigger issue because they’re the ones willing to sleep with your DH. Really attractive young women don’t want anything to do with middle aged married men. They can find a hot, rich single man.

I don’t know any hot, rich guy in DC that would date an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Elin Nordegren was an au pair when she met Tiger Woods.

[Anonymous]

Of course an affair is possible, but if the man is ready to drop his family or at least risk it for an affair, there are plenty of opportunities to do so ……. If you’re afraid of the au pair, you may as well fear any young woman your husband will encounter in daily life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this situation basically how Wendi Deng got out of China? Then she dumped the oldie for someone else as soon as she got her green card.

She wasn’t an au pair. An American couple sponsored her to finish high school in the US and stay with them. She repaid the favor by banging the husband and dumping him for Rupert Murdoch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this situation basically how Wendi Deng got out of China? Then she dumped the oldie for someone else as soon as she got her green card.

She wasn’t an au pair. An American couple sponsored her to finish high school in the US and stay with them. She repaid the favor by banging the husband and dumping him for Rupert Murdoch.

I think there were a few men between the husband and Murdoch as she traded her way up tax brackets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know an au pair who married the husband. She continued to work cooperatively with both parents to take care of the kids, now as their stepmother.

Is this the former au pair posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elin Nordegren was an au pair when she met Tiger Woods.

+1 people don't like to see what's right in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elin Nordegren was an au pair when she met Tiger Woods.

+1 people don't like to see what's right in front of them.

But for another family. She wasn’t banging the dad there (Jesper Parnevik).

[Anonymous]

Well, I am an host dad in Scandinavia. Our family have hosted 5 American girls. I have had affairs with two of them. I guess American girls are more eager to have affairs with middle age europeen men. The girls have been in age 20-21 and for me my first affair was when I was 42. The last was when I had turn 50. Was it just one time? No, the affairs startet after a couple of months and keept going on during their whole stay (up till 1 year). One of the girl from Texas i have visited 3 times in US.... years after our first seduction...

[Anonymous]

^You are a creep and a terrible parent to risk your kids’ security like this, not to mention a sh!t husband.

[Anonymous]

Used to say a nanny for the kids and an au pair for the Dad, but that was a long time ago, not sure how things work now.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced dad who had a six-month relationship with an au pair in 2022 (not my own; the nanny my kids had was a old-timey DC grandmother). She was on all the message boards and listservs for the local au pairs and they mostly complained about the dads being gross. She worked for a lesbian couple and said it was a godsend.