Are affairs with Au Pairs common?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Hawke married the nanny. The wife was Uma Thurman.

They were divorced before he took up with the nanny. Robin Williams also married the nanny.

Robin williams was the nanny!

You win the thread 😂

+100

[Anonymous]

So, you need to be worried about this if your DH is Hollywood handsome and rich, ans your au pair is LA gorgeous, and all your morals are low!

[Anonymous]

We have had 5 AP’s and they were all 18-20 yr old Europeans who thought my husband was like a middle age dad joke kinda guy and honestly he’s a catch tall, dark and handsome. They all kinda think the dads are duds here in the US believe me — with the apps these days they get their action elsewhere

[Anonymous]

Isn’t this situation basically how Wendi Deng got out of China? Then she dumped the oldie for someone else as soon as she got her green card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't that wacko Orange County Housewife couple, Jim and Meaghan Edmonds, break up over the nanny?

No. That woman was a realtor and I think around the same age as Meghan.

[Anonymous]

From what I have seen in this area the attractive ones that are motivated to stay find age appropriate dudes to marry. Lots of D at their fingertips via dating apps but maybe it’s different in more rural areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know an au pair who married the husband. She continued to work cooperatively with both parents to take care of the kids, now as their stepmother.

If you can find a 22 year old girl who is emotionally mature enough to handle this situation, she is a good step mom to your kids, and she will take care of your husband in his old age, then you thank God every day for sending this woman into your life. You can easily find another husband. A woman like this is a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a pretty standard dynamic by which it can happen, though I don’t think it happens often.

I would say that it goes something like this:

- DW recognizes that au pair is attractive, see’s her as a threat and treats her coldly (whether intended or not).
- Au Pair also see’s the dw being mean to the dh (the early kid years really peak dw’s resentment) and in a few bad parenting moments.
-DW becomes the bad guy in au pair’s view and view’s dh as a victim who stays for the well-being of the kids
-Au Pair see’s DH in good parenting moments with the kids and starts to develop a crush.
- DH has a resentful wife who looks like a mom, and a young adoring au pair in the same house. She’s easy to talk to and does nice thoughtful things for him because she thinks he deserves it.

And there you go, thats how it all starts.

1). If the first step in your process is the DW being cold to the au pair because she views her as a threat, then why would she hire her in the first place?

2). For the love of God, please learn how to use an apostrophe correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had 5 AP’s and they were all 18-20 yr old Europeans who thought my husband was like a middle age dad joke kinda guy and honestly he’s a catch tall, dark and handsome. They all kinda think the dads are duds here in the US believe me — with the apps these days they get their action elsewhere

Yeah, no. Hot 40-something guys are still very attractive to young women (remember that crush you had on your college professor?). But if it makes you feel better to think that your “joke” of a husband is really a “catch,” by all means go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had 5 AP’s and they were all 18-20 yr old Europeans who thought my husband was like a middle age dad joke kinda guy and honestly he’s a catch tall, dark and handsome. They all kinda think the dads are duds here in the US believe me — with the apps these days they get their action elsewhere

Yeah, no. Hot 40-something guys are still very attractive to young women (remember that crush you had on your college professor?). But if it makes you feel better to think that your “joke” of a husband is really a “catch,” by all means go for it.

I kind of agree with this. Having hosted several au pairs, I would say that the lack of interest came from my husband. First of all, there is nothing less sexy than coming home at the end of a work day and having someone hand you a toddler and run up to their room to binge watch television and post on social media. Secondly, this isn’t exactly a NSA hook-up. 20 year olds of both genders are generally kind of selfish and full of drama. And au pairs live with you and your family, and they talk to their friends about you and your family. It’s not a one night stand on a business trip where you might get away with it.
Third, hooking up with a much younger woman is not cool or socially acceptable the way it might have been 40 years ago or the way it might be with celebrities. People will think you are kind of a creep.

I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband in exchange for a drama filled relationship with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this situation basically how Wendi Deng got out of China? Then she dumped the oldie for someone else as soon as she got her green card.

I think she was an exchange student they were hosting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband ]in exchange for a drama filled relationship

Which fantasy world are you living in, though? Nearly 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, many (most) of them will end dramatically and likely due to a third party. You talk as if married men simply don't want to the inconvenience of a divorce, so it never happens. Clearly, it happens, and often.

Anonymous wrote: with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

Lie. A man will do anything, end any relationship, for a woman he thinks is the hottest around, if she agrees to be with him. But hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, lady. Also, the nanny "functions as a child in their home"? You hired a child to watch your other children? You sound a bit weird and delusional.

[Anonymous]

I am a former host dad who hosted 6 AP.
We had 3 that were stop a crowd type gorgeous and 2 that were pretty; one average.
2 got married and have kids here in the US.

When they were pregaming out our house and all done up sure: I was not unhappy to see 3-5 20 something’s for maybe 30 seconds all clubbed up going to their Uber.

99% of the time the girl living in your house has no make up on: hair in pony tail and normally leaving a list of food she wants or something that is not working in her room or bath. Typically this was her hair clogging a drain of some sort.

I had zero interest in anything sexual with our APs. Did I have a chance with any of them? Maybe one? Definitely some of their friends who did not like their host family and spent weekends at our house got a little flirty now and again, but I think it was more to piss of our AP as a competition for her job.

Au pair hosting is not always the lifetime movies you watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband ]in exchange for a drama filled relationship

Which fantasy world are you living in, though? Nearly 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, many (most) of them will end dramatically and likely due to a third party. You talk as if married men simply don't want to the inconvenience of a divorce, so it never happens. Clearly, it happens, and often.

Anonymous wrote: with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

Lie. A man will do anything, end any relationship, for a woman he thinks is the hottest around, if she agrees to be with him. But hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, lady. Also, the nanny "functions as a child in their home"? You hired a child to watch your other children? You sound a bit weird and delusional.

I’m not being defensive here. We are no longer in the program for various reasons, mostly that we moved somewhere that childcare is less expensive, and it wasn’t worth the expense and hassle of hosting an au pair. I’m just sharing my experience.
You sound like you have never hosted an au pair. It’s not like having a professional nanny. They literally refer to us as their host mom and host dad, ask for money all of the time, take your car, eat your food, and generally need a boatload of help navigating life in a foreign country. The ones I have hosted also tend to spend a lot of time binge watching reality television, are on their phone too much, gossip a lot with groups of girlfriends, and are gross sometimes.
Teenage girls are hot from afar, but much less so when you live with them.
I could see a single dad who is lonely falling for an au pair, partly because I could imagine a young woman stepping into a wife kind of role in that circumstance. (although I can’t imagine it actually working out. How does someone transition from being your employee to your equal partner? Particularly when they are so dependent on you?)
I can kind of imagine being a young woman who thought the dad was hot.
I can’t imagine your typical, reasonably happy, married UMC dude wanting to get into a relationship with the au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think a lot of men are looking to give up a stable life partner, some of their income, many of their friends, and sort of generally being perceived as a good person/father/husband ]in exchange for a drama filled relationship

Which fantasy world are you living in, though? Nearly 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, many (most) of them will end dramatically and likely due to a third party. You talk as if married men simply don't want to the inconvenience of a divorce, so it never happens. Clearly, it happens, and often.

Anonymous wrote: with someone who essentially functions as a child in their home, no matter how hot she is.

Lie. A man will do anything, end any relationship, for a woman he thinks is the hottest around, if she agrees to be with him. But hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, lady. Also, the nanny "functions as a child in their home"? You hired a child to watch your other children? You sound a bit weird and delusional.

I’m not being defensive here. We are no longer in the program for various reasons, mostly that we moved somewhere that childcare is less expensive, and it wasn’t worth the expense and hassle of hosting an au pair. I’m just sharing my experience.
You sound like you have never hosted an au pair. It’s not like having a professional nanny. They literally refer to us as their host mom and host dad, ask for money all of the time, take your car, eat your food, and generally need a boatload of help navigating life in a foreign country. The ones I have hosted also tend to spend a lot of time binge watching reality television, are on their phone too much, gossip a lot with groups of girlfriends, and are gross sometimes.
Teenage girls are hot from afar, but much less so when you live with them.
I could see a single dad who is lonely falling for an au pair, partly because I could imagine a young woman stepping into a wife kind of role in that circumstance. (although I can’t imagine it actually working out. How does someone transition from being your employee to your equal partner? Particularly when they are so dependent on you?)
I can kind of imagine being a young woman who thought the dad was hot.
I can’t imagine your typical, reasonably happy, married UMC dude wanting to get into a relationship with the au pair.

Except you are missing something here...Your typical married UMC dude in the stage of life with young children, even if "reasonably happy" IS probably lonely, wants adoration, and wants more sex.