Reply to Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?[/quote]

Have you asked them?  Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life.  She lost custody of her sons.  She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful.  So.  I would find out the story.[/quote]

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down.  The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.[/quote]

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?[/quote]

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money. 
You are blessed. [/quote]

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court  is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i[/quote]

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.[/quote]

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior.  She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony.  She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go.  There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that.  The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.[/quote]

You’re not following, court system doesn’t care about abuse or abuse accusations and does 50/50. Full stop. [/quote]

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