My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

please.. look at some of these posts on this forum about how the husband/father is out all night or doesn't lift a finger in the house.

Troll posts and outliers. Overall, a baby forces you to quickly grow up and plan ahead, especially in educated middle class and UMC orbits.

Dead wrong. My ex-husband is an attorney and did not lift one finger with children until we divorced and most of my friends have similar situations. Mid 40s. Many men, especially educated ones do not lift one finger with child care if they do not have to when they are married and then the woman end up doing the second shift, and he ends up having one job. These are educated men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

Have you tried traveling the world with little kids?

And it's also much harder to build your career when you have kids, especially for a woman who ends up doing most of the heavy lifting at home once the kids come.

That's why it's a "dream". It's not reality for most people.

I built my career and did some traveling prior to having kids. I also saved a ton of money and bought a house with a huge down payment, so our mortgage is low. I don't have a mortgage noose around my neck like some do.

When I had kids, I was making much more than I was in my 20s, so the financial burden of having children wasn't as big.

I am now able to retire before 60.

How old are you people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

please.. look at some of these posts on this forum about how the husband/father is out all night or doesn't lift a finger in the house.

Troll posts and outliers. Overall, a baby forces you to quickly grow up and plan ahead, especially in educated middle class and UMC orbits.

Yeah college drop-out who is unemployed screams “upper middle class “ and “highly educated.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

I’m from rural Pa. This is not at all my experience with people having kids in their late teens & early 20s. My sister had a baby at 21 and the father is MIA. She’d tell you it’s one of the biggest regrets of her life.

This thread is on a DC message board, one of the wealthiest and most educated regions in the world. OP was pretty clearly referring to college-educated 22-27 year olds, not flunkies in some podunk town in hollowed out Appalachia. And you know that, so please stop trolling.

I’m aware, I live in Bethesda. The PP said her cousin was an “unemployed loser” and then started making $400,000. That’s completely unrealistic and rare in young pregnancy situations.

No. I'm the PP. He tells everyone that when he heard his g/f (now wife) was pregnant, he went back to university and entered a nursing program. Over TWENTY YEARS LATER he's in hospital administration making $400k. His first job as an RN was more like $40k or 50k. Better income and benefits than the literally $0 he was making 18 months prior. If the g/f doesn't get pregnant he might've never gone back to college and certainly wouldn't have pursued nursing. He admits this. A child is an urgent wake-up call. It makes you look at life and the world differently. And when you don't have a kid in your 20s and early 30s, you're just coasting through life. Indulgent and self-adsorbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

I’m from rural Pa. This is not at all my experience with people having kids in their late teens & early 20s. My sister had a baby at 21 and the father is MIA. She’d tell you it’s one of the biggest regrets of her life.

This thread is on a DC message board, one of the wealthiest and most educated regions in the world. OP was pretty clearly referring to college-educated 22-27 year olds, not flunkies in some podunk town in hollowed out Appalachia. And you know that, so please stop trolling.

I’m aware, I live in Bethesda. The PP said her cousin was an “unemployed loser” and then started making $400,000. That’s completely unrealistic and rare in young pregnancy situations.

No. I'm the PP. He tells everyone that when he heard his g/f (now wife) was pregnant, he went back to university and entered a nursing program. Over TWENTY YEARS LATER he's in hospital administration making $400k. His first job as an RN was more like $40k or 50k. Better income and benefits than the literally $0 he was making 18 months prior. If the g/f doesn't get pregnant he might've never gone back to college and certainly wouldn't have pursued nursing. He admits this. A child is an urgent wake-up call. It makes you look at life and the world differently. And when you don't have a kid in your 20s and early 30s, you're just coasting through life. Indulgent and self-adsorbed.

Why are so many kids in foster care, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

Been reading some Mormon mommy blogs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

Been reading some Mormon mommy blogs?

The most recent young wedding we went to were two Jewish kids who recently graduated from Duke. Pair before that were a Christian girl and Jewish boy who met at an Ivy League college. All of them were age 22 or 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

Been reading some Mormon mommy blogs?

The most recent young wedding we went to were two Jewish kids who recently graduated from Duke. Pair before that were a Christian girl and Jewish boy who met at an Ivy League college. All of them were age 22 or 23.

But they’re not pregnant, are they?

[Anonymous]

There is no life formula you can plug in random variables into and always get the same solution (happiness).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is terrible advice. I see where you're going with this. Don't have kids with someone you hardly know.

The better advice is no one at 22 has a clue how to look for a partner who will be a good parent. You might stumble into it. But it's like trying to plan a vacation on Mars. You think you know and you just don't have enough life experience.

Don't get married until 30 is my best advice.

No one at 22 has a clue how to look for a partner who will be a good partner, for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

Been reading some Mormon mommy blogs?

The most recent young wedding we went to were two Jewish kids who recently graduated from Duke. Pair before that were a Christian girl and Jewish boy who met at an Ivy League college. All of them were age 22 or 23.

But they’re not pregnant, are they?

Both women are pregnant, you nut! Your tone is so creepy and weird. What is your motive here? It sounds like you're really out of touch if you think this is just Mormon rubes in Utah. Young weddings and being young college-educated parents is having a moment right now. Very trendy in affluent orbits.